Does She Know What He Really Likes

I often hear women say that we men don't know what we want (As if women actually know what they want). In some cases true, but when it comes to the type of woman, we know exactly what we want.

When a relationship is going smoothly and suddenly becomes stagnant or flatlined for no apparent reason, sometimes a woman thinks the guy is confused. He said and even acted like he wanted to be with her. Although he is confusing the hell out of her and everyone else for that matter, confusion is not the correct adjective. He may be scared, sympathetic, or plain stupid, but he is not confused. Men, similar to women, have certain levels to which we will deal with the opposite sex. We will consider a woman for friendship, booty calls, a girlfriend, a wifey, a mistress, spades partner, actual wife, etc. All of this depends on where you fall in our list of qualifications. No matter what kind of relationship or plans we make, don’t believe us until you know what attracts us. Knowing what attracts us is the only way to truly verify if there is a chance. Lust or the opposite of lust may cloud our judgment at times. We do and say stupid things under the influence of both. The sad part is that we may actually believe we are telling the truth, but when the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Delusional, not confused.

The things that attract us are not debatable. They are non-negotiable. In a lot of cases they are deal breakers. We know what these things are and we know what weight they carry. So the actual confusion comes in when the women do not know or understand what weight a certain attraction holds. It would help if a lot of guys were more clear and forthright when divulging this information. It could help a woman out tremendously if she chooses to listen. I say choose to listen because a lot of times, in the beginning a woman asks a man “what kinds of women do you like”. After hearing his list, the woman knows that she doesn't fit in his shopping cart, yet she's trying to make it to the register. She ignores him because she thinks after he gets to know her he will forget what he likes. WRONG! Although she may have great qualities, they aren’t the qualities that he prefers.

I will be the lab rat; and if you know me, you know I don't care if you judge me, I welcome it. If I somehow am taken off the market, she will possess a large portion of these qualities. After reading what attracts me, everyone (men and women) should speak to the person they are interested in, and find out what attracts them.

There are four categories that I use to classify a woman. They are personality, aesthetics, public impression, and philosophy/ morals.

Personality - funny, smart, inquisitive, sense of humor, down to earth, sassy, confident, common sense, ambitious, loyal, honest, adventurous, spontaneous, understanding, tough-minded, and thick skinned.

Aesthetics – Nia Long in Friday, Stacy Dash in everything, Sade in ‘Baby Father’ video (she put some weight on), Alicia Keys, Lauren London in Entourage (pre Lil Wayne), YaYa on ANTM (not in person though, she looked like she had a little weight on television), the first Trina poster (that may still be on the ceiling of my DC apt.), Sanaa Lathan. Any woman down with Prince. There’s plenty more, but I had to stop as some point.



Public Impression – I’m going to take it back to the 80’s with this expression. “She has to be dope!” In a room full of beautiful women, she has to be the one who stands out. Not because she’s beautiful, but because she’s dope.

Philosophy/ Morals – God first, family oriented, and free-willed.

Based on this list alone, I know a woman’s potential within the first 5 minutes of meeting her. It does not mean she is a bad person, but I know what works for me and what I’m looking for. It also does not mean there is not a spot for her. When an expansion team is filling out their roster, most players may not have all the tools, but they will serve as key role players around the franchise player. But also remember, one man’s trash or role player is another man’s treasure or franchise player.

What Happened When Phones Didn't Exist

Someone asked me what are the rules for fulfilling the late night hornyness desires that we all suffer from occasionally. Firstly, I'm assuming this inquiry is coming from a single female. I say this because us at andshewonderswhy DO NOT ENCOURAGE CHEATING. We don't hate, but we don't celebrate either. So if you are reading, you are not single, and you get caught, tell your boyfriend that I did not conspire with you on this, at least not knowingly. Now that we have the moral obligations out of the way, I ask the readers to please bear with me. I had to dust this post off. Because it's been a while since I've participated in such an activity, please feel free to correct me if these rules are outdated. I wouldn't expect the rules to change, but I also went to sleep and woke up one day and found grown men wearing skinny jeans. Again, I dont hate, but I dont celebrate either. Without further to do, for best results, I ask that you obey the following:

1. Snooze you lose. If you wait too long to put in your order, some other lucky or unlucky girl will be receiving the goods. Or even more frustrating, he may fall asleep and not feel the phone vibrate. There is no specific time, you pretty much have to know your personnel.


2. You don't get cool points for being early. Prior to midnight is not a booty call, its a date. So if he's hanging with his boys, or actually on a date, your horny ass has to frustratingly wait.


3. Be realistic. Don't think that you are entitled to the spontaneous act.


4. Don't do desperate. Don't call more than twice. Better yet, you have two other options. Call once and leave a message. Call once, hang up, then text. I don't recommend it, but if you just have to send the message on facebook, make sure you don't leave it on his wall. This could be a tragedy.


5. Health assessment. If you call the guy and you recognize he's been drinking, give his ass a sobriety test. For obvious reasons, you don't mind a little intoxication, but for other obvious reasons, you don't want him white boy wasted either.


6. No distractions. Cell phones off. Roommates locked away or evicted. Babies at babysitter, NOT SLEEP. If conditions at either home are not suitable, GETAROOM!


7. Appropriate behavior. Once you're at the meeting place, whether it is your place or his, unless small talk is included in the foreplay package, 86 it. Talk about your day via text in 24-48 hours.


8. Keep garments close. After you are done, leave. Someone has to leave. Unless Round 2 is in the immediate future, bounce. We don't want the lines blurred, this is a booty call, not a slumber party or a relationship. (Not saying it cant turn into a relationship; I have to say that for the dreamers and to keep my ratings up ;-)


9. Be fair. Return the favor occasionally when you are called upon. Otherwise, your priveleges will be limited.


10. Remember tidyness. Make sure each participant is clean. Unless he comes in smelling like Dove, do the world a favor, wash his ass. All important places should be spic and span. (And don't forget your places ;-)


11. USE CONDOMS. And no, not the ones with holes pre-poked in them.

I warn you, if you adhere to these guidelines, be prepared for better booty call experiences. Enjoy!

No One Told You To Do That, Not Even You

Some years back, the thought first entered my mind. Many people I knew had taken the leap, and they told me it was one of the greatest experiences they had ever had. They said "you have not lived until you've done it." What a bold statement. Especially when I'm standing there breathing. But with a co-sign like that, why would I be opposed to experiencing it for myself. My interest began to grow. We can't keep doing the same thing. We all have to be able to switch it up sometimes. So instead of sitting back observing others, being jealous, afraid, anxious, nervous, too cool, I felt it was time to live. But guess what, living requires a bit of risk. *Beating a dead horse* "Is the risk worth the reward?" I'm basically signing waivers saying it's on me if it doesn't work out. What type of chit is that? What made me do it?

Who the hell knows what made me do it. But these are the facts: the risk was definitely worth the reward, I survived, and I will do it again. Wait, I don't think I'm talking about skydiving. I'm actually talking about the "opposite of lust", you know, the L-word. Some of you may think there is a difference, but actually, there is no difference between falling from the sky and falling in the opposite of lust.

I know what you're thinking; you can die from one of these, that's the difference between the two. Nope, that is not the difference. People die skydiving as well. Its just, skydiving is not as bad because most likely you wont experience death and torture.

If its a guy's first time being in the opposite of lust, he doesn't know what to expect. I know I didn't. Rhetorically, I ask myself, "what made me do it, what would make any guy do it?" Unfortunately, its like a bee sting. No matter how many swarming bees you kill, one is going to sting you and you will not see it coming. There is nothing a man can do about it. If you ask any man, he will tell you that when its good, there is nothing he wants to do about it.

Unfortunately, like skydiving, the free fall in the opposite of lust has to come to an end. The parachute has to get pulled. The jumpers have to land......and if you have the heart, you jump again.

Please Confess Your Crime

OK, I met this guy a few weeks ago who said he was considering going back to school for plastic surgery. From conversing with him, I learned that apparently there are more potential clients for plastic surgery than there are plastic surgeons to service them. “Are you serious?” I’m not surprised, yet I am. Everything else these days is twisted, why wouldn’t there be a high demand for cosmetic plastic surgery. The world hasn’t gone mad, but the people in it have definitely lost their minds. Unless you had the Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, beat it with that chit. Similar to marriages and divorces, Hollywood’s influence on changing faces and other places has apparently spilled over to the common folk. All I have to say is, “look at yourself”.

If she has fake body parts, tell her to "beat it". I don’t care if she looks like Stacy Dash, I don’t want anything to do with her. In fact, my bold statement of the day is “Man is entitled to know if a woman he is dating is packing fake face, boobs, buttcheeks, or any other skin and bones”. And he deserves to know this right after the woman decides to give him her phone number. Call me crazy, delusional, I don’t care. Somebody save me a fistful of tears. If she can get away with it, the only thing a woman should be allowed to hide is her new eyes or her new weave.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my way of thinking is not a consensus amongst all men. Some men are only concerned with the finished product. And that’s fine if that’s what a guy is in to. Unfortunately, you're going to have to count me out.

If I were well versed in the health ramifications or side effects, I would use them to help my case. But, it seems pretty obvious that there has to be something mentally wrong with someone who feels they should get cosmetic surgery. I mean Dennis Rodman wrong. Mel Gibson wrong. Terry Jones, well you get the picture. Maybe I will consider allowing a lift or maybe a reduction of the girth of the 16xd’s, but those are the only exceptions. If a woman or even the man sponsoring the change thinks that this leads to happiness, they better be ready for the rest of the operations that follow, because they will be searching for a long time. Happiness is making the most of what you have. And my happiness will be destroyed if after years of commitment I found out my girl has been nipped and tucked and it wasn’t by me.

No Time Better Than The Present

“Dear Summer, I know you gon’ miss me, for we been together like Nike Airs and crisp tees….” If you know the words to this Jay-Z song, feel free to sing along. As I sing, I reflect on Labor Day and what it represents. No, I’m not talking about a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. Nor am I talking about the temporary extinction of our beloved white outfits. But these things all have something in common; they signify the end of summer. Technically, summer ends with the Autumnal Equinox which is September 21st, but for all inclusive purposes, most will say farewell to the cookouts, farewell to the pool parties, and possibly farewell to the summer love affairs.

Yeah, I meant to say affairs as in plural. If they weren’t affairs, they were hook-ups, introductions, hang-outs, dates, interactions, flings, or luckily or unluckily, one-night stands. Summer represents opportunities. It represents new experiences. All the people that hibernate for the other three seasons decide to come out and play. People travel from far to see new places. People meet new faces and get reacquainted with old faces. I hope everyone enjoyed their summer, because fall is here.

Ladies, on May 26th, in my post “2nd Place is the 1st Loser” I gave you some advice. I advised you to reserve your spot with that special person before summer grabbed his attention away from you. Some of you did (you’ve been providing me with updates) and some of you didn’t, you decided to stay on the market (you guys provided me with those updates as well, lol). Now that fall is amongst us, some decisions have to be made. So, instead of becoming nostalgic, let’s focus on the possibilities of the upcoming season.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. For the fall, most people try simplifying life. They try to slow things down. Start hitting the gym hard preparing for the spring and next summer. Start saving money for the winter holidays. And of course, lets not forget, they start narrowing down their “team”. Some are either taking it to the next level with the one that they locked down before summer, or some are thinking about the ones they met over the summer. Ladies its OK to look through the pictures and read the old text messages to confirm if your fall/ winter love is in proximity. If there is a potential love interest, pursuing him now may have good results. Men and women are usually on the same page this time of year. Guys are more susceptible during the fall. No one really wants to be alone. Ladies, get your pheromones out and unleash them. If you’re strategic enough to work yourself into his NBA, NFL, NCAA football and basketball schedule, you may have won yourself a husband. If you choose wisely, by the time spring gets here, you will no longer have to hate on everyone that is boasting about “love being in the air”. You’ll be the one getting hated on this time. When summer 2011 hits, you’re weekends are spent with your significant other.

Some people’s summer was too good; so good that they didn’t have enough time to focus on anyone longer than two minutes. Then there is the bad summer, didn’t meet anyone worth two minutes. Don’t be alarmed if you didn’t find that special person. You have three choices: you can hit up events for the next month as if it was the let out at the club, you cant dust off some of the numbers in your phone and try to develop something with one of those under appreciated former flings that may not be special but was pretty fun, or you warm yourself up during the cold months, I hear snuggies are very efficient.


*The Mighty DR contributed to this post.

Ummm, I Never Agreed To That

I was having a discussion with a very beautiful female friend the other day and the conversation made me remember that I owe the readers a post about my opinion regarding platonic friends. "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP”. These were my exact words in my April 7th post, “And You Say He’s Just a Friend”.

I would like to apologize to the readers and all my debaters that I have sparred with past and present. Please excuse me. Apparently I had been using the word incorrectly. I clearly misunderstood. This is why I hate being caught without my dictionary. Again, I apologize, you were right; there are such things as platonic relationships. Relationships without romance or sex can and do exist between a man and a woman. But before you get ahead of yourselves, I meant to argue that just because its platonic, (1) it doesn’t mean the relationship is guaranteed to stay that way, and (2), no heterosexual male will turn down the opportunity to stick a fork in that platonic status.


Now I have to put out a disclaimer because there are exceptions to the rule. If something is morally wrong with the two doing the freshy, all bets are off. Examples include:

• Ex of close friend
• One or both are in relationship or married
• There is completely zero attraction between both parties.

And even with that said, there is a certain amount of liquor that fades those lines.

“Awww, look at you guys, you are so cute together” says random female. “No this is just my friend, we are strictly platonic” says the female friend. Meanwhile, male friend is smiling and nodding in agreement but shaking his head in his mind. The reality is that unless one of them is butt ugly, and the other one is smart enough to know this, its bullchit. Ladies, I’m going to keep it real with you. In case you didn’t know, men think about sex 75%-85% of the time. And yes, of course I know this because I surveyed every man in the world. So, if a female is with her platonic friend more than 25% of the time, you better believe he’s already figured out the best sexual position for your body type.

Please don’t be astonished. You should’ve taken note when you were in the lounge with him and he gave you the funny look while yelling/ singing “I wish I could f**k every girl in the world”. He’s trying to prepare your sub-conscious. Besides that, the guy probably never really agreed to be platonic. This was the consolation prize for striking out 100 times. Trust me!

I dare any female to argue, or better yet, let’s play show and tell. Show your so-called platonic male friend your willingness to give him goodies, then log on afterwards and tell me either how disgusted you are or how pleasantly surprised you are.