Please Confess Your Crime

OK, I met this guy a few weeks ago who said he was considering going back to school for plastic surgery. From conversing with him, I learned that apparently there are more potential clients for plastic surgery than there are plastic surgeons to service them. “Are you serious?” I’m not surprised, yet I am. Everything else these days is twisted, why wouldn’t there be a high demand for cosmetic plastic surgery. The world hasn’t gone mad, but the people in it have definitely lost their minds. Unless you had the Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, beat it with that chit. Similar to marriages and divorces, Hollywood’s influence on changing faces and other places has apparently spilled over to the common folk. All I have to say is, “look at yourself”.

If she has fake body parts, tell her to "beat it". I don’t care if she looks like Stacy Dash, I don’t want anything to do with her. In fact, my bold statement of the day is “Man is entitled to know if a woman he is dating is packing fake face, boobs, buttcheeks, or any other skin and bones”. And he deserves to know this right after the woman decides to give him her phone number. Call me crazy, delusional, I don’t care. Somebody save me a fistful of tears. If she can get away with it, the only thing a woman should be allowed to hide is her new eyes or her new weave.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my way of thinking is not a consensus amongst all men. Some men are only concerned with the finished product. And that’s fine if that’s what a guy is in to. Unfortunately, you're going to have to count me out.

If I were well versed in the health ramifications or side effects, I would use them to help my case. But, it seems pretty obvious that there has to be something mentally wrong with someone who feels they should get cosmetic surgery. I mean Dennis Rodman wrong. Mel Gibson wrong. Terry Jones, well you get the picture. Maybe I will consider allowing a lift or maybe a reduction of the girth of the 16xd’s, but those are the only exceptions. If a woman or even the man sponsoring the change thinks that this leads to happiness, they better be ready for the rest of the operations that follow, because they will be searching for a long time. Happiness is making the most of what you have. And my happiness will be destroyed if after years of commitment I found out my girl has been nipped and tucked and it wasn’t by me.

No Time Better Than The Present

“Dear Summer, I know you gon’ miss me, for we been together like Nike Airs and crisp tees….” If you know the words to this Jay-Z song, feel free to sing along. As I sing, I reflect on Labor Day and what it represents. No, I’m not talking about a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. Nor am I talking about the temporary extinction of our beloved white outfits. But these things all have something in common; they signify the end of summer. Technically, summer ends with the Autumnal Equinox which is September 21st, but for all inclusive purposes, most will say farewell to the cookouts, farewell to the pool parties, and possibly farewell to the summer love affairs.

Yeah, I meant to say affairs as in plural. If they weren’t affairs, they were hook-ups, introductions, hang-outs, dates, interactions, flings, or luckily or unluckily, one-night stands. Summer represents opportunities. It represents new experiences. All the people that hibernate for the other three seasons decide to come out and play. People travel from far to see new places. People meet new faces and get reacquainted with old faces. I hope everyone enjoyed their summer, because fall is here.

Ladies, on May 26th, in my post “2nd Place is the 1st Loser” I gave you some advice. I advised you to reserve your spot with that special person before summer grabbed his attention away from you. Some of you did (you’ve been providing me with updates) and some of you didn’t, you decided to stay on the market (you guys provided me with those updates as well, lol). Now that fall is amongst us, some decisions have to be made. So, instead of becoming nostalgic, let’s focus on the possibilities of the upcoming season.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. For the fall, most people try simplifying life. They try to slow things down. Start hitting the gym hard preparing for the spring and next summer. Start saving money for the winter holidays. And of course, lets not forget, they start narrowing down their “team”. Some are either taking it to the next level with the one that they locked down before summer, or some are thinking about the ones they met over the summer. Ladies its OK to look through the pictures and read the old text messages to confirm if your fall/ winter love is in proximity. If there is a potential love interest, pursuing him now may have good results. Men and women are usually on the same page this time of year. Guys are more susceptible during the fall. No one really wants to be alone. Ladies, get your pheromones out and unleash them. If you’re strategic enough to work yourself into his NBA, NFL, NCAA football and basketball schedule, you may have won yourself a husband. If you choose wisely, by the time spring gets here, you will no longer have to hate on everyone that is boasting about “love being in the air”. You’ll be the one getting hated on this time. When summer 2011 hits, you’re weekends are spent with your significant other.

Some people’s summer was too good; so good that they didn’t have enough time to focus on anyone longer than two minutes. Then there is the bad summer, didn’t meet anyone worth two minutes. Don’t be alarmed if you didn’t find that special person. You have three choices: you can hit up events for the next month as if it was the let out at the club, you cant dust off some of the numbers in your phone and try to develop something with one of those under appreciated former flings that may not be special but was pretty fun, or you warm yourself up during the cold months, I hear snuggies are very efficient.


*The Mighty DR contributed to this post.

Ummm, I Never Agreed To That

I was having a discussion with a very beautiful female friend the other day and the conversation made me remember that I owe the readers a post about my opinion regarding platonic friends. "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP”. These were my exact words in my April 7th post, “And You Say He’s Just a Friend”.

I would like to apologize to the readers and all my debaters that I have sparred with past and present. Please excuse me. Apparently I had been using the word incorrectly. I clearly misunderstood. This is why I hate being caught without my dictionary. Again, I apologize, you were right; there are such things as platonic relationships. Relationships without romance or sex can and do exist between a man and a woman. But before you get ahead of yourselves, I meant to argue that just because its platonic, (1) it doesn’t mean the relationship is guaranteed to stay that way, and (2), no heterosexual male will turn down the opportunity to stick a fork in that platonic status.


Now I have to put out a disclaimer because there are exceptions to the rule. If something is morally wrong with the two doing the freshy, all bets are off. Examples include:

• Ex of close friend
• One or both are in relationship or married
• There is completely zero attraction between both parties.

And even with that said, there is a certain amount of liquor that fades those lines.

“Awww, look at you guys, you are so cute together” says random female. “No this is just my friend, we are strictly platonic” says the female friend. Meanwhile, male friend is smiling and nodding in agreement but shaking his head in his mind. The reality is that unless one of them is butt ugly, and the other one is smart enough to know this, its bullchit. Ladies, I’m going to keep it real with you. In case you didn’t know, men think about sex 75%-85% of the time. And yes, of course I know this because I surveyed every man in the world. So, if a female is with her platonic friend more than 25% of the time, you better believe he’s already figured out the best sexual position for your body type.

Please don’t be astonished. You should’ve taken note when you were in the lounge with him and he gave you the funny look while yelling/ singing “I wish I could f**k every girl in the world”. He’s trying to prepare your sub-conscious. Besides that, the guy probably never really agreed to be platonic. This was the consolation prize for striking out 100 times. Trust me!

I dare any female to argue, or better yet, let’s play show and tell. Show your so-called platonic male friend your willingness to give him goodies, then log on afterwards and tell me either how disgusted you are or how pleasantly surprised you are.

What's Mine is Yours, What's Yours is Yours? Que?

PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT will always be a debatable topic. My thoughts about the matter are conflicted. As a younger adult, when I had less business sense and I was more rambunctious, I was totally against it. I've always been an advocate for the institution of marriage. I hate divorce and don't believe in it. In following the law of attraction, I thought that if a guy spoke to his potential wife about pre-nups, he would be attracting this force into his relationship. Its almost like you now know or think its OK to get divorced because the other half of your team has already accepted the possibility of it. The thought of pre-nups didn't work for me because I wouldn't want my wife to even consider the option. "Till death do us part babe, sorry".

Fast forward to present day and you tell yourself "chit was all good just a week ago". Things have changed. Forget about the "Hollywood marriages" that only delusional people believe are matches made in heaven. But with television and the influx of reality shows, marriage is hardly a glimpse of what it used to be, even to regular people. This Hollywood disease has crossed state lines and the acceptance of divorce has spread like a forest fire. Not long ago, our grandparents had as many issues as we do, but divorce was hardly ever an option. They worked through it and even if they didn't, they accepted the reality whether they were happy or not. Everyone knew granny and grandpa had issues but it was what it was. Imagine grandpa paying child support or alimony in the 60s and 70s. I'm sure it happened, but without doing research, I'm sure it was rare.

As I scour the earth for my soul mate, I wonder will I really know if she's official, because there has to be two levels of "soulmatism". The first level is the soul mate that is eternally yours. The second level is the soul mate that takes half for eternity. We don't know as many first level soul mates, but we know a lot of second level soul mates where one of them has more than life insurance taken out of their checks before its taxed. In "Think Big and Kick Ass", Donald Trump calls these soul mates stupid because they are willing to lose everything for love (or lust in my opinion). He gave an example of an associate that made the mistake of not getting a pre-nup not once, but several times. To me, one is only stupid if this person lacks knowledge. This guy seems crazy. Hopeless romantic I guess.

So you see, I'm torn. Even as I read up and down editing, I change my mind several times. I'm arrogant enough to think I can solve any problem. But I'm calculated enough to know that the odds are not in my favor. OK, I've made a decision. I guess because I'm crazy and not stupid, No pre-nup. I repeat, NO PRE-NUP, but she better say yes before I start making eight figures.

"Coach, Put Me in the Game"

It’s ok to have the worst batting average if you have the most homeruns. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. A lot of hitters struggle the entire game, but when it’s the ninth inning, two outs, down one run, runner on third, they execute the suicide bunt to extend the game. You have to have patience and confidence to do this.


Before I confuse everyone with my baseball analogies, let me explain this post's topic. "Yo, Es, she's a good look, but she's on another level, she's out of your league" (that statement is strictly hypothetical btw lol). Do "leagues" really exist? How does a guy feel when he's told that the girl he wants is out of his league?


We all know that the male ego makes some guys come off as arrogant, abrasive, egotistical and pompous (all those words probably mean the same thing but who cares I felt like using them). Depending on who is the audience, these adjectives are viewed as positives or negatives. When a man makes a conscious decision to believe that no woman is out of his league, his ego deserves all the credit. There are of lot of women that wouldn't have boyfriends or husbands if their guy actually saw and adhered to the line that separated the leagues. Only the arrogant and timid pay these barriers any attention. So yes, leagues definitely exist and there are many different types of them. The different types range anywhere from age to looks to education. Some people learn about them as early as grade school, and some people never learn about them. Some people learn about them but choose to ignore. Others acknowledge the leagues, accept the league they belong to, and play if safe the rest of their lives.


How does a guy feel when someone breaks the bad news to him? Well first of all, it’s not a gender thing, it’s a personality thing. Women share the same feelings. Embarrassed, astounded, motivated, defeated. I understand each feeling, but it is what it is. Some people consider themselves Batman, some consider themselves Robin. I ask “what’s the worse that could happen if a guy pursues a woman that is out of his league?” He strikes out. He’s humiliated. His confidence is shattered. I say bring it on. A lot of guys welcome the challenge. This is another case of risk vs reward. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. It’s experience. It’s motivation. It’s endearing. Everyone loves the underdog. No one loves a quitter who’s afraid of a challenge. Who wants to keep pursuing the easy feat? Ask the 5’-6” gentleman that doesn’t like short girls. Ask the blue collar worker from the hood that despises hood chicks. Ask the broke dude that stays at Sue’s Rendezvous and only wants to date strippers. These are the guys we see with girls we think are out of their league and we say to each other "how'd he get her?"


We all know the girl that walks up the block or chills in the lounge and no one even whispers a word to her. She looks good, she’s smart, her morals are in order, she’s down-to-earth, she has a sense of humor, she’s a lady in public, and freak in private. Guys want her, wait, correction, guys want to marry her. They fantasize about her. They love her. Guess what, she’s single. She’s available. She can fulfill some lucky guy’s dream. But she’s also intimidating. Her chit is too too put together. Guys are petrified to approach her. She’s out of their league. Everyone loses.


Some guys need to see the wizard for more courage. And some women need to step down off their pedestal sometimes. Don’t lower your standards, but meet him halfway.

"Sorry Courage, Serenity and Wisdom is All I Need"

I once participated in a dating competition (I know, full of surprises I am). Essence Magazine’s ‘30 dates in 30 days’. A female friend of mine thought it was a good idea for me to partake in such craziness. I don’t know if she was setting me up or if she actually thought I was a good catch. Of course I ignored her for like two weeks. Then the silly side of me spoke and I decided to play. I conspired to make this a date to remember. Essence had no idea what they were getting themselves into letting a guy like me have an opportunity to be unleashed unto the world lol.

It was an online competition where five women went on a date with a new guy for 6 straight nights. There were approximately twelve men per woman. Each woman had her own week. Starting on Monday, two men would compete against each other for a date. But the format of the competition was the twist. Weeks before the actual competition started, the men, including myself, were interviewed over the phone and photographed at the Essence offices. We would then be matched up against another guy on a certain day of the week. These guys varied in age, career, personality and looks but we were all deemed as "professional". The day before the scheduled day of your date, the Essence readers and fans would vote for what guy that they wanted to see matched up with the girl of the week. Once I knew the format of the show I figured I wouldn’t get a chance to be unleashed unto the world. I remember being on the phone with my man Chimu while I was in the offices of Essence. I think we laughed for about 20 minutes at all the pointy toe shoe dudes I described that came in nervous and excited to take their pictures. Once I saw these brothers, I realized I probably wouldn’t get a date. The whole thing was a joke, it wasn’t really for me. Before this experience I thought competing for a woman is corny. After the experience I still believe competing for a woman is corny. (FYI If you’re wondering, I didn’t win a date. And believe it or not, I wasn’t mad).

I love competition as much as the next person, but I will be damned if I fight for a woman. Almost anything is worth competing for if the desire is grand enough. But, the exception is the love of another person. This is one of the few times where a man's pride is excused. I know what you’re thinking, and I disagree. It has nothing to do with mine or any male’s ego. It’s not about thinking that I’m too good to compete either. But if a woman wants men that she really loves and admires to compete over her, she’s going to end up with the Omarosa show. Which is like the rest of these dating shows, something unreal. I love, respect, and appreciate women and I am man enough to say that I have searched for one or two of you in the daytime with a flashlight. Trust me, I understand how important you are to me, to men. But if I’m chilling with a special lady friend one day, and she tells me that she likes Treyvon and me equally and that I need to step it up if I want her to myself, I’m either gone, or I’m looking for Treyvon. Trey and I need to talk. We need to discuss how we are going to play her ass equally. Trey should know that I have no problem sharing our mutual friend. We should not get mad, but we should feel very vengeful because our mutual friend has proposed that we compete in an unfair match.

When two people compete for such a prize, the prize is the only winner. Of course to the naked eye it looks like either Treyvon or I is going home with the prize. Actually the only thing one of us did was sign a lease. It’s borrowed time. I don’t want a woman that is not woman enough to make the tough decision. Basically the woman is telling the guy that she will always be up for grabs. Soon as the boyfriend, slide, jump-off, husband or whatever you want to call him starts to slip, another guy she has been scouting is drafted. You’re Eddie Cain, he’s Flash. You’re Drew Bledsoe, he’s Tom Brady. You’re the old Aunt Viv; he’s the new Aunt Viv. I’m sorry but my words would be, “I’m a veteran; I’m not fighting for my job”. “Don’t you know I’m in the union”? Some women think it’s cool to play games to keep their piece “on his toes”. But be careful. When games are played, one never knows what will happen. Some guys may go crazy when the woman tries to make them jealous. Score, points for the lady. But not all the time, there is the type of guy that does not do jealousy. Call us laid-back, lazy or lackadaisical, but we don’t care. Go ahead, wear your "fuck-em girl" dress. But you better mean it. Because imagine if the shoe is on the other foot, we know what happens when women are forced to compete (See link in comment box if you are unsure).

Ps. Another reason why I will not compete is that there are some guys that you cant compete with. If a guy is tall and you are short, you cant compete. If his shoes are pointy toe and yours are square or round, you cant compete. If you like basketball and he likes football, you cant compete. A woman is attracted to what she's attracted to.

"Little Help Please"

Unless you’ve been under a rock the last two weeks, you’re very aware of the year’s biggest story in sports. For whatever reason, a lot of people are very upset. But for those of you that are upset because a couple players decided to join up and show their unselfishness, be careful, it’s a slippery slope. Do we really want to promote individuality to the point where we are shunning teamwork? I think most people disagreed with the move and everyone has something to say. Even Jordan gave his double penny. And although he said this was something he, Magic or Bird would never do, he clearly stated that these are different times.

I agree; these are different times, and in more than just the world of basketball. These are different times in the world of dating. Evidence of these different times can be spotted at any lounge, house warming, or cookout. Next time you’re out, do like I do, sit back, have a drink and observe. Although I do it for comedy most of the time, there are occasional moments where I learn a few things. The same way LBJ teamed up with D-Wade, I’ve observed that guys are no longer as competitive in trying to get THE girl. Some guys have tucked their pride away and decided to take the back seat. You have to respect this arrangement. You have to respect this guy. Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the Wingman.

A true Wingman knows his role. A true Wingman respects his role for numerous reasons. First of all, he knows that he can be the key ingredient to his main man’s success which will result in them being stronger as a team. He also knows that there will be days where he is the main man and he expects the same courtesy. No guy wants to continuously be Duck in the ‘shy-brother’ routine.

I’m assuming that the men reading this know the role of the Wingman, so for those of you women who still have no clue what I’m referring to, please allow me to explain. The Wingman is the distraction when your girlfriend is minding someone else’s business, ie yours; he’s the 4th wheel when the girlfriend just has to tag along on the date; the ice-breaker for the friend that cant get his lines out; the rescue team when the girlfriend is ready to leave; the cock-block kryptonite when the angry black woman of the crew doesn’t want anyone to get any because she cant get any; the tension easer when things seem like they are about to get out of control; he is the ultimate utility man. Ladies, I hope you like and appreciate the Wingman, because you created him.

No matter how confident a guy is, whenever he sees a group of women (2 or more) and he’s attracted to one of them, he considers the use of a Wingman. Although he may be successful without one, he knows the Wingman’s services increase his chance of success. I’ve gotten plenty of calls saying “Yo, I coulda used a Wingman last night”. Once a guy hears this, he can pretty much predict the story he’s about to hear. Hunting for a woman has risen to a new, higher level. Not only does he have to convince the hunted that he is the one, but he also has to convince 1, 2, or 3 other friends of his prowess. Ladies, I already know what you are thinking or saying. You’re shaking your head, waving your finger saying, “a real man will do what he has to do to get the girl”. Boooooooo. Get out of my face. This is one of the reasons that single people that want relationships are still single. Imagine if guys stood in the way of a girl trying to get his man. Exactly.

Ladies, on behalf of the frustrated men that don’t have Wingmen readily available, I am waiving the white flag. We don’t know why some of you hate or allow your girls to hate, but will you guys consider a moratorium for the rest of the summer? Wingmen have been working hard lately, we need a vacation. Sign below if you support the ‘Wingmen Need a Break’ movement.

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What are we doing? Those are the four words women hesitate to ask and men dread to hear. For women, it seems like asking this question is something they can’t control. No matter how long it’s been on their mind, it comes out during the most unassuming situations. Middle of sex, as the car on the roller coaster is going up, at the party everyone is at while you’re dancing with an old fling, or at the end of a successfully romantic dinner. These words are like the devil that just has to get out! I mean ladies, what answer you really want. Do you at least want it to be sincere?

A lot of guys, through no fault of their own, are simply out there exploring their options. They will go years leasing a female. When the lease is up, it’s on to the next one. I guess if they find the one they want, they will exercise the option to buy. Unless the guy is out there leading-on women on purpose, it’s very judgmental to say whether a guy is right or wrong for these actions. Women do the same, except they usually get out before it gets to the point where a guy is looking for his title. It’s definitely not difficult to recognize a guy that’s under a woman’s spell and is ready to make it official. You will spot him a mile away. But, I rather discuss the woman’s need to be united.

Personally, the title means nothing to me. I value fruitful relationships and companionships, but I couldn’t care less about the title. Its more about the actions, the communication and the respect between the couple. Hey, but that’s me, judge me. I am understanding though. I do see both sides of the coin. I will not deny that a title has merit. The title means that rules are in place. It means that certain excuses can no longer be used. It also lets others know that they need to act accordingly. It represents a major step in both parties’ lives. When a guy is with his boys and he introduces his female partner as his friend, it doesn’t mean as much as when he says that she is his girl. Now, she commands a whole new kind of respect. Friends now know that they can’t talk any kind of way about or around her. She’s reached a very desirable status. From now on, she has the right to come to every function. Every wedding, Superbowl party, couple retreat, office cookout, she wants in. And the sad part is, the man can’t argue. Yeah I know fellas, it sucks, but this is what happens when you turn over your rights, sorry I meant become official. This leads me to why men will remain elusive for as long as possible. He may not give you the title, but he will “lets work towards something” you to death.

Like I said, a title is the unofficial way of making the relationship official. I’ve learned that no matter how much time the guy spends with the girl, no matter how many birds he let fly away, his actions mean nothing to most women unless the title is present. Its somewhat similar to a woman being engaged for mad years. (Sorry fellas, women have caught on to your little trick. You can no longer “buy time” by buying a little rock.) This might be the worst thing you could do. Once they start parading around town, hitting up beauty salons and baby showers, it’s a doobie. Once the wedding planning commences, you might as well tell your best man to start planning the bachelor party. After a while, you will feel more pressure than the last kid in his crew who hasn’t lost his virginity. But before we even get to the engagement, let’s try to get to boyfriend/ girlfriend status. You can believe that after you guys have been doing the damn thing for a substantial amount of time, the phones are ringing and the birds are chirping. No pun intended. And guess what’s being discussed. That’s right; you guessed it “is he is afraid of commitment”. The guy has no clue that half of his girls’ friends even knew him. Surprise homie, they know you, and they know all your business. Unfortunately, if ‘he aint goin’, ‘he aint goin’. I go by a philosophy that is very simple. Everything will happen the way it is supposed to happen. It’s a difference between ‘afraid of commitment’ and ‘ready for commitment’. When a man is trying to coerce a woman to have sex before she is seemingly ready, sometimes there is no limit to what he will do. He might even pull out his chivalry tactics. But unless the woman is ready, none of this will matter. This situation is no different. When he is ready for the title, it will be undeniable. Its like falling in love, he will not be able to fight it. So ladies, turn your clock off because your destined to be off schedule. If you are on-schedule, and the early stages are going as planned, wait for the monkey wrench, it's coming. Your Pinky and The Brain masterplan means nothing if he’s not ready to participate. You should be patient, if he is meant to be yours, he will be. But fellas, there’s always a but, if you take too long, someone else that's built for the title will definitely swoop in like a seagull snatching bread from a pigeon.

PS. Ya’ll know he wasn’t going to stay in Cleveland. (See earlier blog post ‘James West’)

Share and Share Alike

‘Friends are off-limits’. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I’ve heard this expression while eavesdropping on a group of females. Pretty sure I chuckled every time. Sometimes under my breath, sometimes out loud. I’m humored for two reasons: 1. I don’t believe that everyone in this group of 3-6 females is adhering to that rule. 2. Why should they have to? By now, you guys know my stance. All is fair is lust and war. Although some things may not be right, they are fair.

The reality is friends are definitely in-limits. Although we may not see it with the naked eye, it’s happening. Whether it’s in the hood, on a college campus, or in the big corporate office, no class of people are immune. Of course, there is an exception to the rule. For guys, the unwritten rule is you can not have relations with your close friend’s ex-girlfriend.

Like most unwritten rules, a potential culprit will find some way to make this ambiguous. How close should the friend be? How long should they have been a couple before they’re validated? What if the guy has a million ex-girlfriends, are all of them removed from the menu? What if he didn’t love her? Is it ok if the female approached the ex’s friend? As much as I would love to say, “do what you would have someone do to you”, I cannot, because a lot of guys will get in trouble with this thought process. Some guys are just scumbags and they follow no code of ethics. If we’re respecting rules, the best way to approach the situation is “Know Your Personnel”. In other words, we know who our friends are and we know their behavior. Some are very sensitive and same couldn’t care less. Some internalize their feelings, some punch holes in walls. In summary, act like your ass is transporting anthrax, BE CAREFUL. Those that choose to ignore the rule are usually the one’s that are creeping. You know who you are. There are probably a few others that know who you are as well. No, you don’t have to look over your shoulder at this very moment, but don’t think you’re the only one up at 3am going to the corner store. We see you, ooops, I mean the other people creeping see you.

For the players who are non-applicable to the unwritten rule, play ball. The loopholes have allowed you to at least argue or act stupid when your friend approaches you. You can either say you didn’t know, or you can read the following and present a good argument.

First of all, people disapprove of it because they have entitlement and ego issues. They think that everything belongs to them. Listen lady, just because you went on 3 dates with him, you petted his dog and he met your step mother, it doesn't mean he can't date any of your 600 Facebook friends. It’s in the past, you should be moving forward and focusing on the new love of your life, whether its real or in your dreams.

Constant events remind us that this is a small world. The same types of people (class, race, career, social life, etc) usually hang in the same circles. We are almost guaranteed to meet someone who we are attracted to that was previously attracted to an associate of ours. Contrary to popular belief, there may not always be other fish in the sea. Fellas you might meet this bad chick and ladies you might meet this fine brother from the bank who really gets you and is actually as attracted to you as you are to them, but you have this restriction. This restriction you agreed to only because the situation hadn’t happened to you. It sounded like a good idea at the time. You felt that this rule was good for your click; it would ensure you guys would be bffs forever and a day. Bullchit!! Be cool if you want to, you will lose. True, most likely this will only be another fling. Something that is short-lived. Maybe it will not be though. Think of the potential this has to erase your current slump. The last ten you’ve met have been duds. Give in to temptation. If necessary, creep if you have to until it gets serious. Then show up together at game night. POW!

Creep. Yes, I suggested it. But it’s only for those who are too coward to admit that they are enjoying the company of a friend’s ex-boo (ugh, that word again). I have witnessed a few situations where a girl I used to talk to ends up creeping with a dude I was cool with. Not yet has it bothered me. In fact, it’s actually entertainment. Thanks guys. And yes, you can come out now.

One last thing, we can still be cool, but I have to charge consulting fees if you need advice on how to handle each other.

Is this Rocket Science?

The weekend is here and some of you have the fortune of having someone that likes you enough to want to spend a few hours in your presence. Crazy right? Round of applause for yourself because others will be out this weekend trying to find someone they like or tricking someone to like them. We’ll discuss you guys later. So for the ladies and gents that are in that stage of their relationship where you are thinking far too much about the potential of your new boo-boo (whoever invented that word by the way should be tied up and Patrick Ewing’s used sock from the 1994 playoffs should be lodged into their mouth for 3 days), I’m going to relieve you of a minor stress. Who pays for dinner? If you’re a mind reader or better yet, an Es Wild blog reader (“Ice-T Killed Chivalry”), you probably can figure out my position.

Call me crazy, but I think it’s funny that so many times people are not on the same page. Now, I'm only talking about when the man and woman first start going out/ dating. Whatever arrangement comes after things are more serious doesn't concern me.

In the beginning, either the man is pursuing the woman or the woman is pursuing the man. Hunter and hunted. Please pay attention because this may go over some peoples’ heads....the hunter pays! Simple right?...I agree, so why people make a big deal about this I don't know. The same way dinosaurs are extinct, things change. Yes ladies, you want a guy, its ok to take him out. Don't ask him out on a date, expect him to pay and then get mad when he says he doesn't have any money. He has money, he just didn't plan on paying for you to pursue him. And men, unless you're a pimp or super player, the woman does not have to pay if you're courting her. Lastly, in the case of mutual interest, think of a pre-nup; alternate turns or go dutch (where did that word come from by the way?) So until the couple reaches the point where there is a level playing field, this is the law, abide by it to avoid confusion.

Pick Your Poison

• Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits.
• She doesn't even have her own pot to piss in but she is good at living off other guys’ money.
• When a woman who is attractive lies to gain wealth without proper work and showing very little or no affection towards the usually unattractive rich man.
• Are no better than a common gutterslut whore.
• A woman who manipulates men to benefit from their labor, skills, or money without compensation. Often highly narcissistic exhibiting little compassion and thankfulness
• A Hooker, Just smarter
• A girl who is looking for a husband that will allow her not to have to work and thus shop for the rest of her life.
• About 96% of the female population. They will lie, cheat, steal, fuck, blow, and sometimes even kill to get you for all your shit. She wants everything, even your soul. Nothing is safe within the presence of a good one. The whore will use you up and suck you dry and move on to the next unsuspecting victim. This woman is very dangerous; remember the words "Prenuptial Agreement" to ward off this slut bag cum dumpster.

I have to give credit to Urbandictionary.com for the very entertaining definitions. Can anyone guess what is being defined? No, there is not a prize available for those who guessed right. But, it is an admission that this is how most of us feel about gold diggers.

Like most guys, I’ve heard these words and subconsciously accepted them without a challenge. This led to me despising gold diggers for most of my life.

With all that said, I’m about to do something that not many men will do. I’m going to defend gold diggers. I am not going to dissect all of the definitions listed above. In fact, I don’t even expect to convince people to agree with me. I just want the gold diggers and gold diggers in training out there to know that I am sympathetic, I am aware of what it feels like to be misunderstood. (Look out for Hug-A-GoldDigger-Day. As a matter of fact, if you are close to a GoldDigger, give her a hug now!)

Before we start judging women that are attracted to a guy for his money, I think we should be careful. She who lives in a glass house should sit her ass down before she breaks something. Ponder this for a moment……

A woman likes a guy because he is smart, funny, witty, passionate, motivated, down-to-earth, family oriented, good with his hands, athletic, or capable of laying the pipe….you name it. For every attribute a guy has, there’s a woman that’s attracted to it. Although some people are born with certain gifts, for the most part, there’s a guy that either worked to have an attribute or is working to maintain it. Of course this work is for personal growth, but don’t get it twisted, most of the things a guy does to better himself, he’s doing it to get the woman he wants.

This brings us to money. It’s an attribute. It’s one of those stats. It’s flashed and flaunted to serve a purpose just like any other attribute. When a guy is pursuing a woman, if he’s short on funds, he has to convince the woman that he has some other qualities that she may like. We know that some women cannot stand a dumb or corny dude. So what do we do, we tell a joke, or brag about our career goals. Do we call a woman shallow because she only wants to date a guy who was the valedictorian or the guy she can take home to mommy and daddy? These guys are being used the same way the cat with money is being used. Let the guy lose the thing (money, wits, physique, interest, etc) that girl likes. Unless there is enough time invested where the woman can learn to appreciate some of his unexpected qualities, she’s leaving.

The defense rests. GoldDiggers, hold your head, I got you! (As long as you don't ask me for any money)

2nd Place is the 1st Loser

Ladies maybe you’re in a situation with a guy and you’re wondering why he doesn’t treat you like the queen that you consider yourself to be. If you’re afraid to ask him and you want to back into the answer, look for some signs. There’s nothing worse than the girl running around claiming she’s the ace, when she’s actually the deuce or something less. So get your counting machines out and tally up your total. If at least 4 of these apply to you, sorry kid, you’re not the 1.

1 Every now and then he leaves the room when the phone rings.
2 When you met him he was walking one of those little dogs.
3 You never get to spend the night and you actually want to.
4 You never speak to him on phone. Even those addicted to text message pick up the phone every now and then.
5 Street lights on, you’re out. You can't reach him once it gets dark.
6 If he says he only wants to be friends.
7 You just met him.
8 He told you about the other woman, but she doesn't know about you.
9 The guy says he's a homebody, but he parties wit his boys every other weekend.
10 He tells you don’t post pictures of him on Facebook or worse, he will not even take pictures with you.
11 Lastly, drum roll please……….he says "YOU’RE NOT THE ONE"
Listen ladies, listen!

I’m not trying to be cruel; I’m really trying to build awareness and help people avoid confusion. This will save a lot of stress and heartache. Don’t get me wrong, this is not necessarily a bad thing that you are not #1. Maybe you don’t even want to be #1, your schedule probably does not allow for it. You’re happy in your role. But if you do really want to be #1, don’t be discouraged, the results of the survey do not mean that you are not a good fit; it may simply mean you are not the one at that time. If you really want the guy, use it as motivation.

If you dispute any of these, let me know. If you can add to this list, by all means, please do. Remember, knowledge is power. We can all help each other out.

*Side note: As I notice myself sweating due to heat the past few days, I realize summer is approaching. Ladies, you have approximately 4-5 days to R.S.V.P. your spot. After he comes back from DR, Cancun, Miami, 125th Street or up the block, your chances decrease 30%. You will have to resume pursuit after Labor Day.

*PS. I’m sure it’s a few guys laughing right now, but don’t get it twisted, the list is unisex.

James West

Although this is a blog about the answers a woman needs from the male species, there are current events that sometimes occur and deserve their time to shine (see below ‘Spike and I Courtside at the Movies’). Over the weekend I got a text of a RUMOR, I repeat a RUMOR. I don’t want anyone thinking that I am part of the media that is creating or perpetuating this RUMOR. I’m simply going to use it as a tool to excite conversation. ‘Delonte banging Lebron’s Moms’. Crazy, I know. Yesterday, my debate with one of my best friends was so heated I had to post this topic. Because this is not a sports blog, I will not get into Lebron’s performance those last two games. But we are reminded of all of the commentary and our own personal thoughts during that time. I remember saying and hearing, “it looks like Lebron is mailing in it”, “somebody paid him”, “did Delonte even play, what is Mike Brown doing”, “he doesn’t even have the arm sleeve on, it can’t be his elbow, why is he playing like that”.

Well, how would you play if you found out your mother was doing the nasty with one of your teammates. Or if one of your sexual act secrets was discovered by the last person in the world you wanted to find out.


In these crazy times we live in, all types of things happen. Men and women break and create the rules as they go. Even criminals follow a code though. I’m a firm believer in all being fair in lust, love and war, but I have to admit, this RUMOR made me reconsider my stance. I said reconsider, not change. All is fair, but not necessarily right. So who’s wrong?

Lebron’s Mother is 50% - 90% wrong if this RUMOR is true. Wait, this is the logical good guy side of me saying this because I can also easily say that she did nothing wrong. For the sake of argument on both sides of the fence, she’s wrong for the obvious reasons. This is a teammate/ possible friend of her son and a woman of her age should not carry herself that way blah blah blah. The reasons she did nothing wrong are, she’s grown, mama got fantasies, what if she really wanted a fruitful relationship with Delonte, and she has the right to be attracted to and pursue anyone she desires. Why should she be vilified because her son’s star quality provides her the ability to have access to some of the world’s best athletes? Like my man Will Ferrell said in ‘Wedding Crashers’, she’s just “living the dream” lol. What would any woman do? Don’t be surprised if this turns into Tiger part deux; basketball players from a bunch of teams come out and say they did it with Mom Lebron.

Delonte. Poor Delonte. He’s probably thinking “Damn, all I wanted was some ass. It wasn’t supposed to go this far.” That’s if this RUMOR is true of course. If Delonte pursued Mom Lebron, he’s dead wrong. Even though he would be dead wrong, he’s still excused because of the ‘all is fair’ rule. Hopefully she approached him and he can always say that he didn’t know how to handle the pressure (see last week’s post ‘Ok, You Got Me’). I’m sure a cougar of her stature is hard to deny. Lebron had to get that drive and hunger from somewhere.

Because of the ongoing joke that Lebron will have on him for the rest of his life, Lebron is free to do whatever he wants to Delonte. But he should remember, Delonte carries guns like Antonio Banderas in ‘Desperado’. I’m not judging, I’m only stating the facts. No, I’m serious, http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4485441 His clock may actually turn counterclockwise, so approach with caution.

In Westerns, shootouts happened all the time in west, hopefully this is simply a RUMOR and there will be no shootouts in the Midwest.

"Ok, You Got Me"

How do I feel about a woman pursuing me vs. me pursuing her?

Before I answer, let me explain something. Men hunt women. Women hunt men. There is a misconception that men hunt women more than women hunt men. I actually think that it’s 50/50, and I wouldn’t be surprised if women actually hunt men more often then they are hunted by men.

True, the average guy may approach the average woman more than he is being approached by a woman. But you have to look beyond the surface. Go a little deeper. We’re looking at the end of the equation. We’re not looking at the work that was done before the guy even got to that point where he decided to use his best pick up line. Get a clue dude, most of the time it is not the pick up line. She may act like she wasn’t looking at you and she may act like she bumped into you by accident. But, her perfume, ‘Come Get Me’ by Liz Taylor is on though, and it is poppin’. Some women may not have the courage and some may not believe in approaching a man, but trust me, her goal was to get his attention, and that’s what she did. Game. Set. Match. Checkmate. Although it was a trap, both parties benefitted. His boys are proud of him for the score. Her girls are commending her for the way she uncrossed and crossed her legs and got immediate results. Everyone’s happy.

Somewhere in my mid-20’s I realized this is something women did. Some traps I realized after the fact, some I never realized. I can honestly say I had mixed emotions about falling victim and finding out I was set up. It’s like finding out your favorite rapper doesn’t write his rhymes. Or the feeling I got when I first discovered a hair weave. “She lied to me man”. Or remember when Smokey met Freddie Jackson. Ok, I’m being a little dramatic, but the point is the male ego is tricky. Handle with care ladies.

This leads me to the scenario of a woman outwardly pursuing me. No trap, no games. As much as I would love to say I love and prefer when a woman approaches me, the numbers don’t lie. Most of the fruitful relationships I’ve had with women have come from me pursuing them. Men work hard and long at becoming great hunters. I don’t know if women are built to follow the same regimen. Maybe in my case, women aren’t meant to hunt like men. Maybe I’m comparable to the woman that just can’t get got. I’m not saying all guys are like me either. I’m sure some guys work well with women that pursued them. I’m just saying I may be more susceptible to the “pheromone” tactic. Ladies and gentlemen, let me know what you think.

"Almost Perfect"

Man walks pass Starbucks. Inside, Woman is sitting, sipping café latte moca choco frappathingamajig. Man notices Woman. Man doubles back to see if what he saw is really what he saw. Woman peeks up from her novel for a second and notices Man staring at her. Stare is floating on that thin line of endearing and stalkerish. Woman smiles and puts her head back in book. Man notices smile, ignores the fact that he’s already running late to $5 patron margarita Mondays and decides he wants an Earl grey green refresh tea with whip cream. Man gets tea and aimlessly wanders to seat next to Woman. ‘What a coincidence’ thinks Woman. Man introduces himself and Man and Woman begin to converse. Man is very confident because he knows his stats make him one of the best players in the game. All-Star every year. Woman has smile on face because she knows he’s a 1st team player. Every team wants him. Woman gives her stats, not too shabby. 10 time All-Star herself. Master’s degree, down-to-earth, single, good jobby job, nice car (at least that’s what the BMW keys say), silly, good sense of humor, witty and buy some chit you don’t drink beautiful. The connection is obvious. Even brother at next table that was scared to say something feels the magic. Man thinks this is his Neo. This is the 1. Man is not mad that it’s after 8 o’clock and he will now have to pay $12 for his patron magaritas. He may not even go to the lounge. In the middle of the conversation, Woman’s phone begins to ring. Man catches a glimpse of ‘Home’ on the I-phone. Woman answers “Hey baby, how are you?” Man is perplexed. WTF is this, he thinks. Woman starts to clean up and pack her bags. “I’ll be there soon baby”, Woman says before she hangs up the phone. Woman explains to Man that her son is sick and she has to rush home to take care of him. “A son?? You didn’t tell me you had a kid.” Man says with a slight attitude. “Well I do” says Woman, “Take my number and call me later”. Woman goes home. Man goes to lounge with a bittersweet feeling.

The sad truth is that no matter how great a woman is, the news that she is a mother initially sets her back somewhat in the eyes of most men. And what happens if she’s not a ‘great’ woman? Or has multiple kids? Then a guy starts to wonder is she worth it. Is she worth the baby-father drama, the limited access due to child obligations, and potential role of stepfather and everything that comes with it? Let’s not forget the biggest question, is she worth being chosen over an equally great woman who does not have a child?

I don’t claim to know the stats, but as a betting man, I’m putting my money on the woman without the crumb snatcher(s). Pretty sure the single mother loses most of the time. The child may be perfect, the baby-father drama may be non-existent, and the support group is so reliable that access will never be denied. Some men don’t care; they are not trying to hear it, especially if they don’t have any kids themselves. They want their kid to be the first one their wife gives birth to. Or even worse, the woman does not want any more kids.

The man faces a ‘Fight versus flight’ scenario which means the single mother has to work twice as hard to get the man she wants. If she does not, the man is flying. For the aforementioned reasons, most men don’t want to fight. Then there are some men that will deal with the woman because of the nice accolades, but also because of the aforementioned reasons, they won’t get to that point where they want to get too serious. They rather keep their options open.

Competition is everywhere in the game of love. No one’s perfect. In my eyes, a single mother has as much chance as getting the guy she wants as any single woman. At the end of the day, the single woman without the child is single right?? Something must be wrong with her right?? Lol.

"Ice-T Killed Chivalry"

It wasn’t raining. It wasn’t cold. The neighborhood wasn’t dangerous. I don’t even think it was dark. And most importantly, it wasn’t my car. So why in the world is she giving me that look? No, it’s not my job to pump your gas. Maybe if I was the pilot on this journey, yes, but no, I’m only the navigator. My job is to chill. Lol. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t go anywhere.
I lost that battle before it even started. My naïveté made this an uneven playing field. At the time, my ego would not allow me to understand what was happening. This is an example of one of those subtle learning experiences that changes a man’s life.

I’ve continued to learn in the 8 years since this encounter. The main thing I’ve learned is that, although it’s on life support, and people are in the waiting room pulling for it, chivalry is dead. No, I’m not talking about simply being courteous and considerate to any woman. I’m talking about chivalry as it pertains to a man courting a woman. Yeah that, its over. And it wasn’t me that bodied it. It’s been a group effort, long before I came around. Men are on trial, and women are the co-defendants.

Unfortunately for women, it was never taught or embedded in me. Judging by the amount of laughter I hear from a group of guys as they witness another guy pull the chair out for his lady, it wasn’t taught to a lot of men. Now I can easily say I grew up with a single mother and there was no father figure and no big brother and no positive male role models blah blah blah. But this is not the forum for that, nor do I make excuses. Don’t get me wrong, along the way I’ve picked up a few things here and there. Some things I observed, others came from natural instinct and evolution. Through this evolution, there are numerous times where I actually perform “acts” of chivalry. List not included. With that said, for the most part, I’ve been getting by being an unchivalrous knight, rescuing the princess from the emperor’s castle without slaying the dragon, climbing the tower or carrying her over my shoulder. Before I’m vilified, let me explain.

For the same reason nice guys finish last, chivalry is dead. First of all, most women don’t know what chivalry is nor do they know the purpose of it. Then there are the women that know of chivalry, but don’t expect it or demand it. So why wouldn’t chivalry be dead. Why would a man go out of his way to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, fix a woman’s car, or take the chance of getting beat up when another guy disrespects the chick he’s with. There is a misconception that the amount of acts of chivalry you perform constitutes your level of manhood. False! Chivalry is no more than a personality trait. A personality trait that seems more and more unfavorable to men and women. Sure, a guy can carry your shopping bags, mow your lawn, or pull out the chair for you to sit and eat off gp. But where does that get him. I don’t want to hear the whole spill about gaining self-respect. Too late, got that. "Your mother will be proud of you". Too late, got that too.

I guarantee the following words are going to get overlooked so I will waste my time and put them in bold print. THE ONLY THING I CAN PROMISE YOU IS THAT I WILL RESPECT YOU AND TREAT YOU HOW YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED. I think that’s pretty fair. That’s square biz right there. I don’t get this notion that a woman’s talent to open her legs warrants her the world. I have a motto, ‘I will do damn near anything, but don’t expect it’. That means, the same way I have to prove that I deserve for you to use that “special” talent for me, you have to prove that you deserve for me to open that passenger door for you. I know I’m definitely not old fashioned, so I understand some women saying that I’m ignorant and I just don’t get it. Cool. Am I less of a man if I’m not chivalrous, am I more a man if I am?

Chivalry doesn’t make a man good or bad. Like I previously stated, it’s a personality trait. If you want to see more signs of chivalry from your man or the guy you want to be your man, open the discussion. Ask him why doesn’t he do these things? Ask him what will it take for these things to happen?

"One Hit Wonder"

I don’t know when it started and I don’t know when it will stop. It probably never will. Men do it. Women do it. The question is why we do it. Why do we “hit it and quit it”? For men, since we are the ones who get the bad rap, the easy answer is that we are dogs. I don’t know why women do it and if I thought about it, I would realize that I don’t even care. As men, we just deal with women’s behavior sometimes and charge it to the game. Women are so hard to figure out, why try. That’s why I write a blog about men and why we do what we do. But I do have a question for the females that I will get to later. Maybe I can get some answers. In the meantime, below are the answers you wanted, or the answers you probably didn’t want.

1. Chick not sexy enough to do anything else.
2. Pussy was wack, garbage.
3. In a relationship.
4. You look better with your clothes on.
5. Pussy was too easy, I know I got game but come on, I know I aint that nice.
6. Pussy was too good. I have to leave her alone because something must be wrong.
7. You feel like you're playing yourself if you fuck her more than once.
8. Pursuit of the girl wasn't really challenging.
9. Something bad happened during the sexual encounter.
10. Don't want her catching feelings.
11. Afraid of commitment.
12. Hidden agenda.
13. Wasn't physically attracted.
14. Curious.
15. Too much work to get it.
16. Spite. Making me wait for the pussy because they don't want to seem easy.
17. She was talking that “you aint ready” shit, I smash and chit is wack.
18. Bad attitude during courtship so for wasting my time, I need to smash and dash.
19. I just aint into her. One of those chics you just can't stand to be around.

Before you kill me, I have a confession. Those are not my answers, but I do endorse them. They come from 4 friends of mine, randomly picked and I respect their honesty. To protect them, they will remain “anonymous”. On their behalf, I will accept all awards. Lol. Some of the answers are good and some are just plain fucked up. I mean fellas, lets be honest, we can be some insensitive, unfair, and cruel individuals. But with all that being said, all is fair lust and war. Let me explain why.

I'm talking with one of my female friends and she's telling me about a situation her female friend is having. Her friend is involved with a guy and like most typical failed romances, the guy is on point in the beginning, gets the ass and then starts to text, as opposed to calling like he did prior to knocking it down. The texts soon start to come less frequently. The guy is much busier than he was in the past. Work is more demanding; he’s working on a promotion. You get the picture. You're wondering what happened. Those 19 answers above, some of those are what happened. That’s the reason why you guys are no longer the happy couple that walked up the block and held hands in front of his boys; why he no longer chills with you on Sunday and he’s back to watching his football games. But wait, there’s more! Those are not the only reasons you guys are not on the path originally set out. Those are only half of the story. Pay attention as I give you the other half.

Remember those days when you first met Mr. HitItandQuitIt. You didn’t really like him. You probably didn’t even give him the number. But he was a wolf. I mean he was focused, straight vulture. He knew what he liked and there was no way he was not going to get you. He actually had good intentions too. You kept seeing him. You respected his drive. He lived by the motto “persistence beats resistance”. He did everything possible. You give him the number, you see that he’s a nice guy, you think he deserved a chance. Again, he does everything. Pays for all the meals. Bought your little brother cleats for his first baseball game. Sends you flowers and edible arrangements. But you’re still dragging your feet. Meanwhile, his sucker meter is skyrocketing. Player cards are dropping all out of his pockets. His boys say “she sexy, but she aint Lauren London (pre Lil Wayne Lauren London of course)”. So he soon starts to feel used. Resentment is setting in. His effort is not being reciprocated. He may or may not make his feelings known. As a doggie biscuit, you finally give him the ass. You believe this is enough to keep his sucker meter high. But little did you know, his feelings changed during the courting period. He may have even met a woman that appreciates how well he treats her. But he wasn’t stupid. He was not departing yet. His bank account, his friends, movie and Broadway play stubs, they all reminded him of his failed ambition. He wants something. He wants ROHI, return on his investment. Cue your token sex. Blahhhhh.

Fast forward to the end of the ordeal. You’re emailing me asking the question of the week. But are you analyzing? Are you in the mirror? Did you notice how much work this guy put in? Trust me, he didn’t put in all this work just to hit. I don’t care what he says. He wanted something big, you didn’t give it to him, and you’re blaming him? Are you kidding me?

That scenario I shared is real ladies. The average guy has done this at least once. I mean there are a few Pretty Rickys out there who got they chit together that don’t have to go through this, but for the most part, that’s what we go through. Most women don’t like us initially. We gotta do what we gotta do.

Now time for my question. After you gave that guy the token sex, the work he put in to get you, did you put in the same amount of work to keep him? Be honest. You can lie to me, but you cannot lie to yourself.

"Seems Like You're Ready"

Brandi: Yeah but why the silent treatment. You haven't talked to me in five days. I call your house and you tell your father to say you're not home, then I call again and you take the phone off the hook.
Tre: Well I've been busy.
Brandi: What did I do Tre, what did I do to you that was so bad that you stop talking to me?
Tre: See you know what you did, see you gotta get with the program.
Brandi: I told you about that, I'm Catholic and it goes against my morals.
Tre: Catholic girls are supposed to be some of the biggest hoochies.
Dough Boy observing from across the street: He still aint fucked her yet.

I'm baaaaack!! And I brought some chit with me this time. OMG! I really expect to get some interesting comments on this one. Ok, so some of you women have men that don't have issues with your male friends. Cool. And some of you don't have men that have issues with you making more money or some of you don't even make more money than your man. I understand. The last couple posts may not have applied to everyone. But this week, I guarantee, I mean I bet my right arm that this week's question that was asked to me applies to every woman that has been in a relationship. Yes, even the fake relationships that we don't really know what they are (future post btw). Lol.

I was asked, is there really a hidden rule on how early a woman should/shouldn't have sex with a guy she's hanging with? Listen ladies and gentlemen, NO BOOM BOOM TIL YOU JUMP THE BROOM! Yeah right, not these days. Not judging, but no sex before marriage went out the window a long time ago. Don't kill me, I don't make the news, I just tell it.

But to answer the question, no, there isn't a rule, most guys don't care and don't know what to think. First of all, in the beginning if we are attracted to you, 75% of it is sexually, so of course we want it. We've probably imagined you naked already with sexual positions based on your body type to follow. So sex, yeah, sooner the better. Depending on the guy, he may have considered the female as a possible girlfriend or wife candidate. Big deal, he still wants to smash asap. But guess what ladies, you are in the driver's seat. So in making your decision on when you should share the love box, know that it depends on what the woman wants. What are her plans for this guy? Does she have any plans? Is she like the guy where she definitely knows off top that she wants to get it in?

It doesn't really matter how soon a woman has sex with the guy, but it is important that the woman carries herself how she wants to be treated. True, some guys will call you a smutt if you do it too early. Yes this does increase the chance of all his friends thinking you have no morals. But honestly, the sex act doesn't completely define the woman's character, and her job is to make sure that it remains that way. The reason for this is simple, here are the scenarios: typically, u give up the goods too early, you're a slore, you're too easy and anyone can have you. That's society's perception. Its hard for a guy to really believe that you like him when you let him pipe without him knowing you truly know or like him. The chance of sending the wrong message are heightened. But on the flipside, you wait too long you have to deal with some issues as well. You put pressure on yourself because if you really want this guy, you have to keep him interested. How does a woman do that without being somewhat intimate. I mean how long are you going to play the kissing game. You can only karate chop his hands for so long. The pressure will mount. Ultimately, you may have to worry about him getting some from elsewhere or him deciding that he doesn't want to wait and he just leaves. I know women that are fine with any scenario. There are women that don't care what people think, those that have their beliefs and don't break them for no one, and those that just do what is natural. That's why its important that whatever decision a woman makes, the man has to understand the type of woman he's dealing with.

If this guy really likes the woman and he decides that he wants to be with her on a "serious" level, the woman has to convince him that she is trustworthy, respectful, about her business and honest. The woman has to make it her mission to disspell the myth about her sleeping with the guy early. Waiting for the woman can work out if the guy is a good dude and the woman has convinced him that he will be rewarded for his patience.

Men don't necessarily deal with this problem, but my advice to a woman would be to not worry about the when she does it and definitely don't put a clock on it. Do what's natural. Live your life, if you want to turn him out the first night you go out, do it....if you want to wait till you're in the mood, by all means, WAIT! One issue is that some women want to keep their "number" down, which I can understand. This guy may not be worth another number. The statistics say he will be another number. Basically if its meant to be, it will happen. Make sure you're responsible and respectful of yourself and you will know what works best for you.

PS. Ladies if your sex is wack, you read all of this for no reason! He will not want you whether you did it early or late.

"And You Say He's Just a Friend"

Let’s not get it twisted; the movie wasn’t a total disaster. There were some positives. I came away with some very interesting topics to share on www.andshewonderswhy.blogspot.com. My $12.50 ends up not being a waste.

In the movie, Jill Scott’s character is put in a compromising position. She has an ex-husband/ old friend who needs help and a new husband that already said he does not like the ex-husband.

This reminds me of a question someone asked me a couple years ago that will be a debateable topic for years to come: Would male friends my woman has known before me bother me? And what about ones met after we're together? Well the first thing that comes to mind is trust. The second thing is respect. These two things work hand in hand. Before I answer the question, I must say that both the male and the female of the relationship have to be realistic in their perception of each other when dealing with friends or strangers. If the woman is attractive, outgoing, kind and flirtatious, the man has to understand that men will naturally flock to his girl. The man has to know if his girl has that "ora", you know, that orange glow. If he doesn't, women get the bail money ready....there's gonna be a lot of brawls. Now the woman has a responsibility as well. Not only does the woman have to know her man's temperament, she too has to know that she has that glow. This is when that "r" word comes into play. Since both parties understand that men will approach, the woman has to show respect and (1) not lead men on and (2) not do anything outside of her ora to draw men. The man has to trust, uh oh, there's that "t" word. The man has to trust his woman and allow her to do her job. Wow, see the teamwork, this can be beautiful when executed correctly, there might just be a chance of decent relationships after all.

Now to answer the question, both situations can be bothersome if handled incorrectly and negligible if handled correctly. From my point of view, the answer is simple. The men my woman knows before we're together, I have no problem with that. You can't avoid that. It happens. I'm hoping you were a nice enough person that you made friends before you knew me. I just don't want to be surpised. Communicate with me. Call me the old man that dies at his 80th birthday surprise party. I hate surprises. Some of my ghetto psychiatrist friends will say that's because I have control issues, whatever that means. But anyway, give me a brief history of the relationship so I understand the nature of the relationship and the behavior of the two when around each other. Whether you guys had a one night stand, blind date, he always wanted you but you put him in friend zone, he was your first but it was wack or if you grew up together and he's simply your "homeboy". (Oh yeah, I don't know about other guys, but choose another word. Sounds a little suspect. I've been the "oh, that's just my homeboy" before.) Hopefully with this information, preferably ahead of time and not within 24 hours of me first meeting the guy, my "level of botheredness" will remain low.

Now because of this damn ora, guys met after we're together can and will happen, but it has to be kept to a minimum or I will begin to be OJ bothered. I don't care how many times I hear "I don't rock with too many females; girls are jealous", you won't be rocking with too many males either. There is no such thing as a platonic relationship. I repeat, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP" (I can explain another time). I don't trust guys and I don't like them, and every male should feel this way. (At least he should if he wants to keep his girl). And ladies its not an insecurity. I grew up around lycans, so I know how they operate. If I have anything to do about it, they wont get a chance to strike. Women should understand this, my woman will. Therefore the woman should make sure I know every new male friend and the relationship should be very limited. If my woman is really "my woman", I will be able to TRUST that she will RESPECT my position. And before you ask, yes, I will try to return the favor, lol.

"Spike and I Courtside at the Movies"

I have to admit, I couldn’t wait to type my next blog post. With all the positive feedback, I was getting extremely anxious to answer another serious question from the female race. Actually, I had the next post waiting with the only thing left for me to do is click ‘publish’. But with the timing, I decided to go another direction. Nice weather on an Easter Sunday, why not go to the movies? Why not capitalize on this opportunity to talk my chit?

I will begin with saying Congratulations to Tyler Perry on his successful opening weekend for ‘Why Did I Get Married Too’. Approximately 29.2 million viewers wanted to know how the cast of characters’ lives have changed in the three years since ‘Why Did I Get Married’. Unfortunately, why did I get married is not the question, why did I pay money to go see why did I get married is the question. I will admit that I am not a Tyler Perry movie fan, but I convinced myself to go into the theater with an open mind. I said “Stevie, watch the movie as if you don’t know that the actors will overact; as if you don’t know that the script will be underwritten”. I told myself this. I really wanted to be in the “in” crowd for once and actually agree with everyone. I mean 29.2, even if only 20 million enjoyed the movie its still a success. So people when you read the rest of this post, you should at least know I tried very hard to look the other way and ignore some of the obvious blunders.

There were some entertaining segments throughout the movie. But, I often asked myself, “What’s the purpose”? Perfect example is Angela (Tasha Smith). Angela is too much. Talk about beating a dead horse. Ok, we get it, she’s loud, she’s ghetto, she’s annoying, but why? Does Tyler Perry think he needs to have this ignorant behavior to keep the audience interested? Is it that important that he provides a character that he thinks we can relate to? Was the rant in the television studio really necessary? She already had the rant in the airport, the rants in the “cabana”, and the rant on the beach to name a few. She’s supposed to be an educated woman; a mother and entrepreneur in her mid-30s. I’m just not buying it.

Patricia’s (Janet Jackson) behavior towards Gavin (Malik Yoba) is confusing. I’m sorry, but I need clarification. Isn’t this marriage retreat the good doctor’s idea? I don’t know, I am a bit slow on the weekends sometimes so maybe someone can enlighten me on what appears to be a desperate attempt to make these two boring characters interesting.

The Rock, seriously? The funny cake, you kidding me? Did people really think that was funny?

The hospital scene. Come on, don’t insult my intelligence. That was so cheesy. And how can Patricia have credibility with her friends when they know she destroyed her own marriage. Does Terry (Tyler Perry) really forget about what his wife has done and forgive her simply because Patricia’s crying and feeling guilty.

Sheila (Jill Scott) and Troy (Lamman Rucker). When I first thought about it, I decided not to go in. Obviously I changed my mind. Twice. Sorry, even I battle myself at times. I’ll leave it alone. You guys can fill in the blanks.

The car accident. Tyler, are you trying to distract us from knowing that you didn’t know how to end the movie.

We went on a lot of rides watching this movie, but we ended up at no destination. The amount of lack of closure is so high you damn near want to think this was a scary movie that has rumors that the sequel has already been shot starring new cast members Denzel Washington and Will Smith. If he’s trying to get me to come back and pay to see ‘Why Did I Get Married Again After I Know I Shouldn’t Have Got Married The First Two Times’, he can forget it. Tyler you can reach me at swild21@gmail.com, please hurry up and e-mail me the answers so I can satisfy my fading curiosity.

Sometimes there are comedies that can get away with having laughter and not having a story. This is not one of those times. There are a lot of unnecessary “drama” filled scenes. There is no finality. And I have to keep it real, the ending sucked!

The other day one of my friends said “I was of the elite crowd who has never seen a Tyler Perry movie, can’t say that anymore. But it’s sad that the first thing I said when I left the theater was ‘typical’……”

I wonder what number in 29,200,000 was Spike’s number this past weekend.