ALL CARDS UP

What do men do to earn the trust of a female? Ladies, if that’s the question for the day, today the blog is known as “Excuse Me, She’s Talking” as I wonder why I don’t have an answer for that question. I am willing to answer the question “what I am willing to do to earn the trust of a female,” but to that first question, I simply don’t have the answer. It doesn’t matter the class, the race, or the age, some women will say they trust, but deep down they really don’t. I have my own assumptions about what it takes to earn trust, but by no means do I believe they are correct 100% of the time. Maybe the women can explain what they expect a man to do to earn their trust. When you do explain, be honest with us and yourselves.

Man should be able to start any form of relationship with a clean slate. He should not be expected to do anything that he is not capable of nor anything that he has never accomplished. If he knows he's busy because the Heat are playing the Celtics on opening night of the NBA season, he shouldn't have to lie and say his grandmother's sick because he doesn't want his new piece to know that he plans his social life around sporting events (see October post "Does There Have to Be a Balance"). There should be a grace period where a man and woman are learning each other. They should be creating a model of themselves. What is he consistent with vs what does he struggle with. What does he like doing vs what is he willing to do for the sake of pleasing the woman. Does he lie when he's late vs does he tell the truth when he's drunk. All the damn questions that have yet to be answered. For these reasons, I don’t think I’ve ever entered a situation where I wanted to make sure a woman trusted me. She does or she doesn't? Maybe I didn’t care or maybe this was something I didn’t feel I had trouble with. Maybe it's cocky behavior. I feel that only a guilty person has to make an effort to earn trust. This is something that should be natural and should not be pre-meditated. I’m not knocking the guy that goes crazy trying to make sure a woman trusts him, but I wouldn’t do it because I don't consciously set myself up for failure. His actions could possibly be giving the girl a false sense of what is reality. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but she should understand that the guy will have some mental breaks where he makes mistakes that may seem like he is untrustworthy when he actually is trustworthy. I don’t believe in adding unnecessary pressure to any situation, especially to myself.

For example, by show of hands, how many guys have heard a woman say “all men cheat?” By another show of hands, how many women believe that all men cheat? My point exactly. How can a man be expected to earn trust when he’s being prejudged on the actions of a few bad apples? There is a young lady I met some years ago that did the most interesting thing to help determine whether she could trust me. I’m not sure the reason for her doing it, whether she did this with all the guys she met, or if she just came up with this on the spot. For all I know, this could have been her way of running game. Maybe she will tell me after she reads this post since we are still cool. But if she was sincere in her actions, it said a lot about her and she learned a lot about me. Ok, I will hold you in suspense no longer. It was either our first or second time hanging out. We are sitting at the table waiting for our food and she slides me her cell phone and asks for me to slide her mine. If I recall, I hesitated. I’m thinking “damn, I didn’t erase those last text messages.” Or, “oh chit, what if she looks at my saved pictures.” My friend is dope, and I’m a sucker for dope girls, of course I gave her my phone. We had a conversation about the stuff in each other’s phone and really learned a lot about each other. One would be surprised how much a cell phone can define a person. Like I said, she could have been g’ing me, especially since after I got to know her I realized she’s a brilliant woman. Either way, this little exercise led to her being a friend that I can talk to about anything and depend on. I can actually say I trust her. I’m assuming she trusts me too. Although some people may think it’s corny, I recommend the cell phone exchange. But be fair, don’t sift through your cell phone prior to proposing the exchange.

Beware though, it can backfire. What if he or she does not want to exchange? Think about that for a second, maybe it didn’t backfire.

Fast-Forward to the Past

As we get older, our lives get busier. We don't speak or hang with our friends as much. Some of them are in relationships and some have kids. Some of them live in other cities. It gets to the point where if you want to hang with all your friends at the same time, you have to check with everyone's schedule and set a date. Fast forward to the future and that day finally arrives. You heard that the spot you are scheduled to party at will be a good look for the night. The outfits are ready to be unleashed. The kids are at the babysitter. The boyfriends are watching the fight. The temperature of the shower water was just right. Food is in the system. You and the crew had a few warm up drinks so you don’t help contribute to making the club owner rich. Basically, it’s on! This should be a fun filled evening.

The crew has found parking. You guys got in the spot without an ounce of hate from the bouncers. Everyone is happy with the table’s location. You’ve been there forty-five minutes and everyone is partying hard and enjoying each other’s company. Then something happens. Someone’s ex-boyfriend shows up. Not a recent ex either. This ex hasn’t been seen in a while. But he came back like the kid that got stomped out in “Menace to Society.” Everyone’s impressed, even his former haters. Everyone remembers the break-up, but no one cares to think about it till they realize their friend has been at the bar chillin’ with comeback kid ALL night. Nobody wants to complain about how they’ve been waiting so long to hang with each other and this particular friend decided to be occupied with an old fling. It also doesn’t help that she is single and has been meeting nothing but squares lately. They're laughing, drinking, smiling, touching, hugging, and they’re close enough that wait, are they kissing? Hell yeah, they're definitely kissing. “Say it aint so.” Unless someone wakes up from lala land, someone is getting dusted off tonight.

The next few days or weeks are the important ones. This is when one or both parties sober up from the liquor or the lust. Then the question is presented. Should this person get involved with their ex-boyfriend? Let's consider the pros and cons. Let’s review the risks and the rewards. But first let's be clear, if you were only “talking”, bed buddies, friends with benefits or anything less than boyfriend and girlfriend, this entire post is N/A. Only official relationships are susceptible to ALL of the issues. Unless you were in a relationship you don’t really know this person.

Pros: Familiarity. This pretty much covers everything. Hopefully each person was appreciated enough that they took the time to really know each other. It can also be exciting if the person has changed some of their ways or has made some great accomplishments during the break.

Cons: Familiarity. The person may have had some flaws that previously bothered the chit out of you. The issue that caused the break-up is usually still an issue. If this person has not changed, one may be tricked into thinking that this person changed. Similar to when you meet a new person, they are going to give their best in the beginning. You have to invest time in order to find out if the changes are real. This could be a waste of time. Also, is this an admission that the desired soul mate does not exist? This could be interpreted as settling.

In this situation, there is no right or wrong answer. Although I have a rule, it would be wrong for me to suggest that someone else follow the rule. It’s all about what is important to you. Remember your list; check it as if it were a lottery ticket that you had four out of five numbers right. Double check if you need to. I don’t need to check my list. The only rule I have besides never settling for what’s not on my list is NEVER GOING BACKWARDS!

Stop With the Damn N-Word

Please forgive me, but today’s topic is about the N-word. Yes, I understand that this is a sensitive topic and you may feel that it does not apply to the blog. In fact, I’ve been dodging the discussion for about eight months. The N-word is a dangerous word so I’m sure the audience can understand why I strayed away from it. But no longer will I run. I constantly write about how communication is the key, who would I be if I were not willing to discuss an issue that has been around for a long time. Finally, I’ve gained enough courage to have a little more self-induced controversy added to the blog. We must understand that the actual N-word is not the problem, but the act that the N-word represents is the real problem. Ok, enough with the N-word chit. I’m just going to say it and put it out there. Nag nag nag. Half of women do it, and all men hate it.

I hate to show my age, but remember on Wheel of Fortune when the contestant was at the bonus round at the end and they had to pick their letters. What did everyone do? Everyone picked R, S, T, L, N and E. These letters became main stays. Well think of the N-word, oops, I meant nagging as these letters. When a lady asks a man what is his pet peeve, he should get two choices, because nagging should already be shown on his forehead.

Nagging is like diet soda, it serves no purpose. The only good thing about nagging is that it gave me a blog topic. You would think that since the pet peeve nagging in imprinted on the forehead, a woman would take heed. Oh no, it’s almost as if the woman knows the man hates the nagging so she does it even more. Don’t get me wrong, all women don’t nag, but the ones who do make up for the ones who don’t. Nagging is one of those extreme traits. It’s either all or none. As men, (love you mom) although some of us were prepared early in life to cope with it (mother = woman, woman = nagger), we don’t want to deal with it as adults. We are not perfect. We are going to do some dumb chit from time to time. That’s simply us. If it’s something serious, address it. If not serious, let us know you don’t like it and move on. Sending a blast email to our four accounts, texting us, leaving a note on the refrigerator and calling us before we get off work is not helping the situation. Not only do we hate nagging, but it doesn’t help (I think I stated this before).

Naggers are pests. Pests do things like call you three times after you hit ignore the first two times. Call once and leave a message. I hate when you sit your phone down for four minutes then see three missed calls and when you check it’s from one person. Ladies, that’s not love or admiration. That’s insanity. Look it up. Naggers expect perfection. Naggers don’t understand why they haven’t received a call all morning. Naggers think they are being ignored when the guy has not responded to a text not knowing that he’s busy working or scratching his testicles. What does it matter what he’s busy doing, he’s busy!! No belaboring here folks, that’s all. I think we understand.

Oh yeah ladies, if your man nags, check his birth certificate.

PS. Another point which I was trying to make but fell through the cracks and couldn’t seem to find its way back is, how many arguments are guys starting? We are pretty easy going, right? Or is it just me, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Does There Have To Be A Balance

February 14, 2010. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. For obvious reasons, this was one of the best days of the year. With a smile on my face as I reminisce, I’m wondering, how did you guys spend your Valentine’s Day? Fellas, were you out having candlelit dinners anticipating good loving as she orders from the fucking side of the menu? Ladies, were you surprised and feeling moist when you received those Godiva chocolate dipped strawberries. Me? I didn’t make it to a fancy restaurant. I did not take a lady friend on a helicopter tour of the city. I was in the house. Don’t feel sorry for me though, I was enjoying myself. The 2010 NBA All-Star Game satisfied my needs this special day. Although I was not with a significant other, I was definitely spending quality time. This brings me to my confession. I’m not speaking of the confession about me not believing in Valentine’s Day (yes it is true, but we can discuss that later). I’m confessing that occasionally I plan my social life around sporting events. Some guys will concur, some will not. I say this because for a while, I thought this was normal amongst guys. But as I’ve grown, I realized that I am somewhat extreme.

I love the three major American sports: Baseball, Football and Basketball. I also often enjoy golf when Tiger is playing, tennis when Venus and Serena are playing (especially Serena), good boxing matches, poker (guess it’s a sport since it’s now on ESPN), and random Olympic games. Basically, I watch sports 365 days a year and 366 in a leap year. No such thing as an off-season for me. Unless a guy is a sports’ analyst or he writes for the New York Daily News sports section, I think I have this sports addiction thing on lock.

I’m not sure that I want to be cured, but they say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Hmmm, let’s see, “Dana (dime by some standards) and a movie or Eagles vs Giants NFC Championship Game”. Dana loses 11 times out of ten. I have a problem. Although that was hypothetical, it’s very comparable to some experiences that I have had in the past. A few years ago, my ex came to visit expecting to hang out that day. I expected us to hang out as well. I didn’t tell her about the baseball game because I figured the game would be off by the time she arrived. Guess what, the game went 18 innings. Me? I’m glued to the television. She could not understand this for the life of her. She stormed out upset. I didn’t even notice that she exited. That probably took some years off our relationship….well, maybe some days. I have a problem. In summary, if I know a good game is coming on, I’m not guaranteeing my presence. I will say anything to avoid the tension. If a woman asks me to do something on a specific day and I respond “well let me see how I feel”, that means she should check the sports television schedule and come up with alternate day and time.

Maybe some of the male readers will comment on where they are with this issue. Like previously stated, I believe most guys suffer from this condition as bad as me. So ladies, unless you are trying to date me, this is great news. This means that there is considerable time for you to spend with your guy. But, if you are trying to date someone similar to me, you better get creative. Its not easy to pull that remote out of a guys hand while he’s watching “his” game. Yeah, the strip tease works, but only for so long. A woman can possibly perform sexual acts, but will he be totally into it. That will lead to bigger issues. I’m sure you women can conjure up something though.

Please note, Thursday, October 7, 2010 will be an historic day. I know I’m somewhat late, but my new Time Warner HD DVR box arrives. Maybe this will ease the tension. Maybe not. I will probably complain that the game is not live. By the way, the DVR is a 3 month trial. Good luck!

Does She Know What He Really Likes

I often hear women say that we men don't know what we want (As if women actually know what they want). In some cases true, but when it comes to the type of woman, we know exactly what we want.

When a relationship is going smoothly and suddenly becomes stagnant or flatlined for no apparent reason, sometimes a woman thinks the guy is confused. He said and even acted like he wanted to be with her. Although he is confusing the hell out of her and everyone else for that matter, confusion is not the correct adjective. He may be scared, sympathetic, or plain stupid, but he is not confused. Men, similar to women, have certain levels to which we will deal with the opposite sex. We will consider a woman for friendship, booty calls, a girlfriend, a wifey, a mistress, spades partner, actual wife, etc. All of this depends on where you fall in our list of qualifications. No matter what kind of relationship or plans we make, don’t believe us until you know what attracts us. Knowing what attracts us is the only way to truly verify if there is a chance. Lust or the opposite of lust may cloud our judgment at times. We do and say stupid things under the influence of both. The sad part is that we may actually believe we are telling the truth, but when the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Delusional, not confused.

The things that attract us are not debatable. They are non-negotiable. In a lot of cases they are deal breakers. We know what these things are and we know what weight they carry. So the actual confusion comes in when the women do not know or understand what weight a certain attraction holds. It would help if a lot of guys were more clear and forthright when divulging this information. It could help a woman out tremendously if she chooses to listen. I say choose to listen because a lot of times, in the beginning a woman asks a man “what kinds of women do you like”. After hearing his list, the woman knows that she doesn't fit in his shopping cart, yet she's trying to make it to the register. She ignores him because she thinks after he gets to know her he will forget what he likes. WRONG! Although she may have great qualities, they aren’t the qualities that he prefers.

I will be the lab rat; and if you know me, you know I don't care if you judge me, I welcome it. If I somehow am taken off the market, she will possess a large portion of these qualities. After reading what attracts me, everyone (men and women) should speak to the person they are interested in, and find out what attracts them.

There are four categories that I use to classify a woman. They are personality, aesthetics, public impression, and philosophy/ morals.

Personality - funny, smart, inquisitive, sense of humor, down to earth, sassy, confident, common sense, ambitious, loyal, honest, adventurous, spontaneous, understanding, tough-minded, and thick skinned.

Aesthetics – Nia Long in Friday, Stacy Dash in everything, Sade in ‘Baby Father’ video (she put some weight on), Alicia Keys, Lauren London in Entourage (pre Lil Wayne), YaYa on ANTM (not in person though, she looked like she had a little weight on television), the first Trina poster (that may still be on the ceiling of my DC apt.), Sanaa Lathan. Any woman down with Prince. There’s plenty more, but I had to stop as some point.



Public Impression – I’m going to take it back to the 80’s with this expression. “She has to be dope!” In a room full of beautiful women, she has to be the one who stands out. Not because she’s beautiful, but because she’s dope.

Philosophy/ Morals – God first, family oriented, and free-willed.

Based on this list alone, I know a woman’s potential within the first 5 minutes of meeting her. It does not mean she is a bad person, but I know what works for me and what I’m looking for. It also does not mean there is not a spot for her. When an expansion team is filling out their roster, most players may not have all the tools, but they will serve as key role players around the franchise player. But also remember, one man’s trash or role player is another man’s treasure or franchise player.

What Happened When Phones Didn't Exist

Someone asked me what are the rules for fulfilling the late night hornyness desires that we all suffer from occasionally. Firstly, I'm assuming this inquiry is coming from a single female. I say this because us at andshewonderswhy DO NOT ENCOURAGE CHEATING. We don't hate, but we don't celebrate either. So if you are reading, you are not single, and you get caught, tell your boyfriend that I did not conspire with you on this, at least not knowingly. Now that we have the moral obligations out of the way, I ask the readers to please bear with me. I had to dust this post off. Because it's been a while since I've participated in such an activity, please feel free to correct me if these rules are outdated. I wouldn't expect the rules to change, but I also went to sleep and woke up one day and found grown men wearing skinny jeans. Again, I dont hate, but I dont celebrate either. Without further to do, for best results, I ask that you obey the following:

1. Snooze you lose. If you wait too long to put in your order, some other lucky or unlucky girl will be receiving the goods. Or even more frustrating, he may fall asleep and not feel the phone vibrate. There is no specific time, you pretty much have to know your personnel.


2. You don't get cool points for being early. Prior to midnight is not a booty call, its a date. So if he's hanging with his boys, or actually on a date, your horny ass has to frustratingly wait.


3. Be realistic. Don't think that you are entitled to the spontaneous act.


4. Don't do desperate. Don't call more than twice. Better yet, you have two other options. Call once and leave a message. Call once, hang up, then text. I don't recommend it, but if you just have to send the message on facebook, make sure you don't leave it on his wall. This could be a tragedy.


5. Health assessment. If you call the guy and you recognize he's been drinking, give his ass a sobriety test. For obvious reasons, you don't mind a little intoxication, but for other obvious reasons, you don't want him white boy wasted either.


6. No distractions. Cell phones off. Roommates locked away or evicted. Babies at babysitter, NOT SLEEP. If conditions at either home are not suitable, GETAROOM!


7. Appropriate behavior. Once you're at the meeting place, whether it is your place or his, unless small talk is included in the foreplay package, 86 it. Talk about your day via text in 24-48 hours.


8. Keep garments close. After you are done, leave. Someone has to leave. Unless Round 2 is in the immediate future, bounce. We don't want the lines blurred, this is a booty call, not a slumber party or a relationship. (Not saying it cant turn into a relationship; I have to say that for the dreamers and to keep my ratings up ;-)


9. Be fair. Return the favor occasionally when you are called upon. Otherwise, your priveleges will be limited.


10. Remember tidyness. Make sure each participant is clean. Unless he comes in smelling like Dove, do the world a favor, wash his ass. All important places should be spic and span. (And don't forget your places ;-)


11. USE CONDOMS. And no, not the ones with holes pre-poked in them.

I warn you, if you adhere to these guidelines, be prepared for better booty call experiences. Enjoy!

No One Told You To Do That, Not Even You

Some years back, the thought first entered my mind. Many people I knew had taken the leap, and they told me it was one of the greatest experiences they had ever had. They said "you have not lived until you've done it." What a bold statement. Especially when I'm standing there breathing. But with a co-sign like that, why would I be opposed to experiencing it for myself. My interest began to grow. We can't keep doing the same thing. We all have to be able to switch it up sometimes. So instead of sitting back observing others, being jealous, afraid, anxious, nervous, too cool, I felt it was time to live. But guess what, living requires a bit of risk. *Beating a dead horse* "Is the risk worth the reward?" I'm basically signing waivers saying it's on me if it doesn't work out. What type of chit is that? What made me do it?

Who the hell knows what made me do it. But these are the facts: the risk was definitely worth the reward, I survived, and I will do it again. Wait, I don't think I'm talking about skydiving. I'm actually talking about the "opposite of lust", you know, the L-word. Some of you may think there is a difference, but actually, there is no difference between falling from the sky and falling in the opposite of lust.

I know what you're thinking; you can die from one of these, that's the difference between the two. Nope, that is not the difference. People die skydiving as well. Its just, skydiving is not as bad because most likely you wont experience death and torture.

If its a guy's first time being in the opposite of lust, he doesn't know what to expect. I know I didn't. Rhetorically, I ask myself, "what made me do it, what would make any guy do it?" Unfortunately, its like a bee sting. No matter how many swarming bees you kill, one is going to sting you and you will not see it coming. There is nothing a man can do about it. If you ask any man, he will tell you that when its good, there is nothing he wants to do about it.

Unfortunately, like skydiving, the free fall in the opposite of lust has to come to an end. The parachute has to get pulled. The jumpers have to land......and if you have the heart, you jump again.

Please Confess Your Crime

OK, I met this guy a few weeks ago who said he was considering going back to school for plastic surgery. From conversing with him, I learned that apparently there are more potential clients for plastic surgery than there are plastic surgeons to service them. “Are you serious?” I’m not surprised, yet I am. Everything else these days is twisted, why wouldn’t there be a high demand for cosmetic plastic surgery. The world hasn’t gone mad, but the people in it have definitely lost their minds. Unless you had the Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, beat it with that chit. Similar to marriages and divorces, Hollywood’s influence on changing faces and other places has apparently spilled over to the common folk. All I have to say is, “look at yourself”.

If she has fake body parts, tell her to "beat it". I don’t care if she looks like Stacy Dash, I don’t want anything to do with her. In fact, my bold statement of the day is “Man is entitled to know if a woman he is dating is packing fake face, boobs, buttcheeks, or any other skin and bones”. And he deserves to know this right after the woman decides to give him her phone number. Call me crazy, delusional, I don’t care. Somebody save me a fistful of tears. If she can get away with it, the only thing a woman should be allowed to hide is her new eyes or her new weave.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure my way of thinking is not a consensus amongst all men. Some men are only concerned with the finished product. And that’s fine if that’s what a guy is in to. Unfortunately, you're going to have to count me out.

If I were well versed in the health ramifications or side effects, I would use them to help my case. But, it seems pretty obvious that there has to be something mentally wrong with someone who feels they should get cosmetic surgery. I mean Dennis Rodman wrong. Mel Gibson wrong. Terry Jones, well you get the picture. Maybe I will consider allowing a lift or maybe a reduction of the girth of the 16xd’s, but those are the only exceptions. If a woman or even the man sponsoring the change thinks that this leads to happiness, they better be ready for the rest of the operations that follow, because they will be searching for a long time. Happiness is making the most of what you have. And my happiness will be destroyed if after years of commitment I found out my girl has been nipped and tucked and it wasn’t by me.

No Time Better Than The Present

“Dear Summer, I know you gon’ miss me, for we been together like Nike Airs and crisp tees….” If you know the words to this Jay-Z song, feel free to sing along. As I sing, I reflect on Labor Day and what it represents. No, I’m not talking about a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. Nor am I talking about the temporary extinction of our beloved white outfits. But these things all have something in common; they signify the end of summer. Technically, summer ends with the Autumnal Equinox which is September 21st, but for all inclusive purposes, most will say farewell to the cookouts, farewell to the pool parties, and possibly farewell to the summer love affairs.

Yeah, I meant to say affairs as in plural. If they weren’t affairs, they were hook-ups, introductions, hang-outs, dates, interactions, flings, or luckily or unluckily, one-night stands. Summer represents opportunities. It represents new experiences. All the people that hibernate for the other three seasons decide to come out and play. People travel from far to see new places. People meet new faces and get reacquainted with old faces. I hope everyone enjoyed their summer, because fall is here.

Ladies, on May 26th, in my post “2nd Place is the 1st Loser” I gave you some advice. I advised you to reserve your spot with that special person before summer grabbed his attention away from you. Some of you did (you’ve been providing me with updates) and some of you didn’t, you decided to stay on the market (you guys provided me with those updates as well, lol). Now that fall is amongst us, some decisions have to be made. So, instead of becoming nostalgic, let’s focus on the possibilities of the upcoming season.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. For the fall, most people try simplifying life. They try to slow things down. Start hitting the gym hard preparing for the spring and next summer. Start saving money for the winter holidays. And of course, lets not forget, they start narrowing down their “team”. Some are either taking it to the next level with the one that they locked down before summer, or some are thinking about the ones they met over the summer. Ladies its OK to look through the pictures and read the old text messages to confirm if your fall/ winter love is in proximity. If there is a potential love interest, pursuing him now may have good results. Men and women are usually on the same page this time of year. Guys are more susceptible during the fall. No one really wants to be alone. Ladies, get your pheromones out and unleash them. If you’re strategic enough to work yourself into his NBA, NFL, NCAA football and basketball schedule, you may have won yourself a husband. If you choose wisely, by the time spring gets here, you will no longer have to hate on everyone that is boasting about “love being in the air”. You’ll be the one getting hated on this time. When summer 2011 hits, you’re weekends are spent with your significant other.

Some people’s summer was too good; so good that they didn’t have enough time to focus on anyone longer than two minutes. Then there is the bad summer, didn’t meet anyone worth two minutes. Don’t be alarmed if you didn’t find that special person. You have three choices: you can hit up events for the next month as if it was the let out at the club, you cant dust off some of the numbers in your phone and try to develop something with one of those under appreciated former flings that may not be special but was pretty fun, or you warm yourself up during the cold months, I hear snuggies are very efficient.


*The Mighty DR contributed to this post.

Ummm, I Never Agreed To That

I was having a discussion with a very beautiful female friend the other day and the conversation made me remember that I owe the readers a post about my opinion regarding platonic friends. "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP”. These were my exact words in my April 7th post, “And You Say He’s Just a Friend”.

I would like to apologize to the readers and all my debaters that I have sparred with past and present. Please excuse me. Apparently I had been using the word incorrectly. I clearly misunderstood. This is why I hate being caught without my dictionary. Again, I apologize, you were right; there are such things as platonic relationships. Relationships without romance or sex can and do exist between a man and a woman. But before you get ahead of yourselves, I meant to argue that just because its platonic, (1) it doesn’t mean the relationship is guaranteed to stay that way, and (2), no heterosexual male will turn down the opportunity to stick a fork in that platonic status.


Now I have to put out a disclaimer because there are exceptions to the rule. If something is morally wrong with the two doing the freshy, all bets are off. Examples include:

• Ex of close friend
• One or both are in relationship or married
• There is completely zero attraction between both parties.

And even with that said, there is a certain amount of liquor that fades those lines.

“Awww, look at you guys, you are so cute together” says random female. “No this is just my friend, we are strictly platonic” says the female friend. Meanwhile, male friend is smiling and nodding in agreement but shaking his head in his mind. The reality is that unless one of them is butt ugly, and the other one is smart enough to know this, its bullchit. Ladies, I’m going to keep it real with you. In case you didn’t know, men think about sex 75%-85% of the time. And yes, of course I know this because I surveyed every man in the world. So, if a female is with her platonic friend more than 25% of the time, you better believe he’s already figured out the best sexual position for your body type.

Please don’t be astonished. You should’ve taken note when you were in the lounge with him and he gave you the funny look while yelling/ singing “I wish I could f**k every girl in the world”. He’s trying to prepare your sub-conscious. Besides that, the guy probably never really agreed to be platonic. This was the consolation prize for striking out 100 times. Trust me!

I dare any female to argue, or better yet, let’s play show and tell. Show your so-called platonic male friend your willingness to give him goodies, then log on afterwards and tell me either how disgusted you are or how pleasantly surprised you are.

What's Mine is Yours, What's Yours is Yours? Que?

PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT will always be a debatable topic. My thoughts about the matter are conflicted. As a younger adult, when I had less business sense and I was more rambunctious, I was totally against it. I've always been an advocate for the institution of marriage. I hate divorce and don't believe in it. In following the law of attraction, I thought that if a guy spoke to his potential wife about pre-nups, he would be attracting this force into his relationship. Its almost like you now know or think its OK to get divorced because the other half of your team has already accepted the possibility of it. The thought of pre-nups didn't work for me because I wouldn't want my wife to even consider the option. "Till death do us part babe, sorry".

Fast forward to present day and you tell yourself "chit was all good just a week ago". Things have changed. Forget about the "Hollywood marriages" that only delusional people believe are matches made in heaven. But with television and the influx of reality shows, marriage is hardly a glimpse of what it used to be, even to regular people. This Hollywood disease has crossed state lines and the acceptance of divorce has spread like a forest fire. Not long ago, our grandparents had as many issues as we do, but divorce was hardly ever an option. They worked through it and even if they didn't, they accepted the reality whether they were happy or not. Everyone knew granny and grandpa had issues but it was what it was. Imagine grandpa paying child support or alimony in the 60s and 70s. I'm sure it happened, but without doing research, I'm sure it was rare.

As I scour the earth for my soul mate, I wonder will I really know if she's official, because there has to be two levels of "soulmatism". The first level is the soul mate that is eternally yours. The second level is the soul mate that takes half for eternity. We don't know as many first level soul mates, but we know a lot of second level soul mates where one of them has more than life insurance taken out of their checks before its taxed. In "Think Big and Kick Ass", Donald Trump calls these soul mates stupid because they are willing to lose everything for love (or lust in my opinion). He gave an example of an associate that made the mistake of not getting a pre-nup not once, but several times. To me, one is only stupid if this person lacks knowledge. This guy seems crazy. Hopeless romantic I guess.

So you see, I'm torn. Even as I read up and down editing, I change my mind several times. I'm arrogant enough to think I can solve any problem. But I'm calculated enough to know that the odds are not in my favor. OK, I've made a decision. I guess because I'm crazy and not stupid, No pre-nup. I repeat, NO PRE-NUP, but she better say yes before I start making eight figures.

"Coach, Put Me in the Game"

It’s ok to have the worst batting average if you have the most homeruns. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. A lot of hitters struggle the entire game, but when it’s the ninth inning, two outs, down one run, runner on third, they execute the suicide bunt to extend the game. You have to have patience and confidence to do this.


Before I confuse everyone with my baseball analogies, let me explain this post's topic. "Yo, Es, she's a good look, but she's on another level, she's out of your league" (that statement is strictly hypothetical btw lol). Do "leagues" really exist? How does a guy feel when he's told that the girl he wants is out of his league?


We all know that the male ego makes some guys come off as arrogant, abrasive, egotistical and pompous (all those words probably mean the same thing but who cares I felt like using them). Depending on who is the audience, these adjectives are viewed as positives or negatives. When a man makes a conscious decision to believe that no woman is out of his league, his ego deserves all the credit. There are of lot of women that wouldn't have boyfriends or husbands if their guy actually saw and adhered to the line that separated the leagues. Only the arrogant and timid pay these barriers any attention. So yes, leagues definitely exist and there are many different types of them. The different types range anywhere from age to looks to education. Some people learn about them as early as grade school, and some people never learn about them. Some people learn about them but choose to ignore. Others acknowledge the leagues, accept the league they belong to, and play if safe the rest of their lives.


How does a guy feel when someone breaks the bad news to him? Well first of all, it’s not a gender thing, it’s a personality thing. Women share the same feelings. Embarrassed, astounded, motivated, defeated. I understand each feeling, but it is what it is. Some people consider themselves Batman, some consider themselves Robin. I ask “what’s the worse that could happen if a guy pursues a woman that is out of his league?” He strikes out. He’s humiliated. His confidence is shattered. I say bring it on. A lot of guys welcome the challenge. This is another case of risk vs reward. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. It’s experience. It’s motivation. It’s endearing. Everyone loves the underdog. No one loves a quitter who’s afraid of a challenge. Who wants to keep pursuing the easy feat? Ask the 5’-6” gentleman that doesn’t like short girls. Ask the blue collar worker from the hood that despises hood chicks. Ask the broke dude that stays at Sue’s Rendezvous and only wants to date strippers. These are the guys we see with girls we think are out of their league and we say to each other "how'd he get her?"


We all know the girl that walks up the block or chills in the lounge and no one even whispers a word to her. She looks good, she’s smart, her morals are in order, she’s down-to-earth, she has a sense of humor, she’s a lady in public, and freak in private. Guys want her, wait, correction, guys want to marry her. They fantasize about her. They love her. Guess what, she’s single. She’s available. She can fulfill some lucky guy’s dream. But she’s also intimidating. Her chit is too too put together. Guys are petrified to approach her. She’s out of their league. Everyone loses.


Some guys need to see the wizard for more courage. And some women need to step down off their pedestal sometimes. Don’t lower your standards, but meet him halfway.

"Sorry Courage, Serenity and Wisdom is All I Need"

I once participated in a dating competition (I know, full of surprises I am). Essence Magazine’s ‘30 dates in 30 days’. A female friend of mine thought it was a good idea for me to partake in such craziness. I don’t know if she was setting me up or if she actually thought I was a good catch. Of course I ignored her for like two weeks. Then the silly side of me spoke and I decided to play. I conspired to make this a date to remember. Essence had no idea what they were getting themselves into letting a guy like me have an opportunity to be unleashed unto the world lol.

It was an online competition where five women went on a date with a new guy for 6 straight nights. There were approximately twelve men per woman. Each woman had her own week. Starting on Monday, two men would compete against each other for a date. But the format of the competition was the twist. Weeks before the actual competition started, the men, including myself, were interviewed over the phone and photographed at the Essence offices. We would then be matched up against another guy on a certain day of the week. These guys varied in age, career, personality and looks but we were all deemed as "professional". The day before the scheduled day of your date, the Essence readers and fans would vote for what guy that they wanted to see matched up with the girl of the week. Once I knew the format of the show I figured I wouldn’t get a chance to be unleashed unto the world. I remember being on the phone with my man Chimu while I was in the offices of Essence. I think we laughed for about 20 minutes at all the pointy toe shoe dudes I described that came in nervous and excited to take their pictures. Once I saw these brothers, I realized I probably wouldn’t get a date. The whole thing was a joke, it wasn’t really for me. Before this experience I thought competing for a woman is corny. After the experience I still believe competing for a woman is corny. (FYI If you’re wondering, I didn’t win a date. And believe it or not, I wasn’t mad).

I love competition as much as the next person, but I will be damned if I fight for a woman. Almost anything is worth competing for if the desire is grand enough. But, the exception is the love of another person. This is one of the few times where a man's pride is excused. I know what you’re thinking, and I disagree. It has nothing to do with mine or any male’s ego. It’s not about thinking that I’m too good to compete either. But if a woman wants men that she really loves and admires to compete over her, she’s going to end up with the Omarosa show. Which is like the rest of these dating shows, something unreal. I love, respect, and appreciate women and I am man enough to say that I have searched for one or two of you in the daytime with a flashlight. Trust me, I understand how important you are to me, to men. But if I’m chilling with a special lady friend one day, and she tells me that she likes Treyvon and me equally and that I need to step it up if I want her to myself, I’m either gone, or I’m looking for Treyvon. Trey and I need to talk. We need to discuss how we are going to play her ass equally. Trey should know that I have no problem sharing our mutual friend. We should not get mad, but we should feel very vengeful because our mutual friend has proposed that we compete in an unfair match.

When two people compete for such a prize, the prize is the only winner. Of course to the naked eye it looks like either Treyvon or I is going home with the prize. Actually the only thing one of us did was sign a lease. It’s borrowed time. I don’t want a woman that is not woman enough to make the tough decision. Basically the woman is telling the guy that she will always be up for grabs. Soon as the boyfriend, slide, jump-off, husband or whatever you want to call him starts to slip, another guy she has been scouting is drafted. You’re Eddie Cain, he’s Flash. You’re Drew Bledsoe, he’s Tom Brady. You’re the old Aunt Viv; he’s the new Aunt Viv. I’m sorry but my words would be, “I’m a veteran; I’m not fighting for my job”. “Don’t you know I’m in the union”? Some women think it’s cool to play games to keep their piece “on his toes”. But be careful. When games are played, one never knows what will happen. Some guys may go crazy when the woman tries to make them jealous. Score, points for the lady. But not all the time, there is the type of guy that does not do jealousy. Call us laid-back, lazy or lackadaisical, but we don’t care. Go ahead, wear your "fuck-em girl" dress. But you better mean it. Because imagine if the shoe is on the other foot, we know what happens when women are forced to compete (See link in comment box if you are unsure).

Ps. Another reason why I will not compete is that there are some guys that you cant compete with. If a guy is tall and you are short, you cant compete. If his shoes are pointy toe and yours are square or round, you cant compete. If you like basketball and he likes football, you cant compete. A woman is attracted to what she's attracted to.

"Little Help Please"

Unless you’ve been under a rock the last two weeks, you’re very aware of the year’s biggest story in sports. For whatever reason, a lot of people are very upset. But for those of you that are upset because a couple players decided to join up and show their unselfishness, be careful, it’s a slippery slope. Do we really want to promote individuality to the point where we are shunning teamwork? I think most people disagreed with the move and everyone has something to say. Even Jordan gave his double penny. And although he said this was something he, Magic or Bird would never do, he clearly stated that these are different times.

I agree; these are different times, and in more than just the world of basketball. These are different times in the world of dating. Evidence of these different times can be spotted at any lounge, house warming, or cookout. Next time you’re out, do like I do, sit back, have a drink and observe. Although I do it for comedy most of the time, there are occasional moments where I learn a few things. The same way LBJ teamed up with D-Wade, I’ve observed that guys are no longer as competitive in trying to get THE girl. Some guys have tucked their pride away and decided to take the back seat. You have to respect this arrangement. You have to respect this guy. Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the Wingman.

A true Wingman knows his role. A true Wingman respects his role for numerous reasons. First of all, he knows that he can be the key ingredient to his main man’s success which will result in them being stronger as a team. He also knows that there will be days where he is the main man and he expects the same courtesy. No guy wants to continuously be Duck in the ‘shy-brother’ routine.

I’m assuming that the men reading this know the role of the Wingman, so for those of you women who still have no clue what I’m referring to, please allow me to explain. The Wingman is the distraction when your girlfriend is minding someone else’s business, ie yours; he’s the 4th wheel when the girlfriend just has to tag along on the date; the ice-breaker for the friend that cant get his lines out; the rescue team when the girlfriend is ready to leave; the cock-block kryptonite when the angry black woman of the crew doesn’t want anyone to get any because she cant get any; the tension easer when things seem like they are about to get out of control; he is the ultimate utility man. Ladies, I hope you like and appreciate the Wingman, because you created him.

No matter how confident a guy is, whenever he sees a group of women (2 or more) and he’s attracted to one of them, he considers the use of a Wingman. Although he may be successful without one, he knows the Wingman’s services increase his chance of success. I’ve gotten plenty of calls saying “Yo, I coulda used a Wingman last night”. Once a guy hears this, he can pretty much predict the story he’s about to hear. Hunting for a woman has risen to a new, higher level. Not only does he have to convince the hunted that he is the one, but he also has to convince 1, 2, or 3 other friends of his prowess. Ladies, I already know what you are thinking or saying. You’re shaking your head, waving your finger saying, “a real man will do what he has to do to get the girl”. Boooooooo. Get out of my face. This is one of the reasons that single people that want relationships are still single. Imagine if guys stood in the way of a girl trying to get his man. Exactly.

Ladies, on behalf of the frustrated men that don’t have Wingmen readily available, I am waiving the white flag. We don’t know why some of you hate or allow your girls to hate, but will you guys consider a moratorium for the rest of the summer? Wingmen have been working hard lately, we need a vacation. Sign below if you support the ‘Wingmen Need a Break’ movement.

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What are we doing? Those are the four words women hesitate to ask and men dread to hear. For women, it seems like asking this question is something they can’t control. No matter how long it’s been on their mind, it comes out during the most unassuming situations. Middle of sex, as the car on the roller coaster is going up, at the party everyone is at while you’re dancing with an old fling, or at the end of a successfully romantic dinner. These words are like the devil that just has to get out! I mean ladies, what answer you really want. Do you at least want it to be sincere?

A lot of guys, through no fault of their own, are simply out there exploring their options. They will go years leasing a female. When the lease is up, it’s on to the next one. I guess if they find the one they want, they will exercise the option to buy. Unless the guy is out there leading-on women on purpose, it’s very judgmental to say whether a guy is right or wrong for these actions. Women do the same, except they usually get out before it gets to the point where a guy is looking for his title. It’s definitely not difficult to recognize a guy that’s under a woman’s spell and is ready to make it official. You will spot him a mile away. But, I rather discuss the woman’s need to be united.

Personally, the title means nothing to me. I value fruitful relationships and companionships, but I couldn’t care less about the title. Its more about the actions, the communication and the respect between the couple. Hey, but that’s me, judge me. I am understanding though. I do see both sides of the coin. I will not deny that a title has merit. The title means that rules are in place. It means that certain excuses can no longer be used. It also lets others know that they need to act accordingly. It represents a major step in both parties’ lives. When a guy is with his boys and he introduces his female partner as his friend, it doesn’t mean as much as when he says that she is his girl. Now, she commands a whole new kind of respect. Friends now know that they can’t talk any kind of way about or around her. She’s reached a very desirable status. From now on, she has the right to come to every function. Every wedding, Superbowl party, couple retreat, office cookout, she wants in. And the sad part is, the man can’t argue. Yeah I know fellas, it sucks, but this is what happens when you turn over your rights, sorry I meant become official. This leads me to why men will remain elusive for as long as possible. He may not give you the title, but he will “lets work towards something” you to death.

Like I said, a title is the unofficial way of making the relationship official. I’ve learned that no matter how much time the guy spends with the girl, no matter how many birds he let fly away, his actions mean nothing to most women unless the title is present. Its somewhat similar to a woman being engaged for mad years. (Sorry fellas, women have caught on to your little trick. You can no longer “buy time” by buying a little rock.) This might be the worst thing you could do. Once they start parading around town, hitting up beauty salons and baby showers, it’s a doobie. Once the wedding planning commences, you might as well tell your best man to start planning the bachelor party. After a while, you will feel more pressure than the last kid in his crew who hasn’t lost his virginity. But before we even get to the engagement, let’s try to get to boyfriend/ girlfriend status. You can believe that after you guys have been doing the damn thing for a substantial amount of time, the phones are ringing and the birds are chirping. No pun intended. And guess what’s being discussed. That’s right; you guessed it “is he is afraid of commitment”. The guy has no clue that half of his girls’ friends even knew him. Surprise homie, they know you, and they know all your business. Unfortunately, if ‘he aint goin’, ‘he aint goin’. I go by a philosophy that is very simple. Everything will happen the way it is supposed to happen. It’s a difference between ‘afraid of commitment’ and ‘ready for commitment’. When a man is trying to coerce a woman to have sex before she is seemingly ready, sometimes there is no limit to what he will do. He might even pull out his chivalry tactics. But unless the woman is ready, none of this will matter. This situation is no different. When he is ready for the title, it will be undeniable. Its like falling in love, he will not be able to fight it. So ladies, turn your clock off because your destined to be off schedule. If you are on-schedule, and the early stages are going as planned, wait for the monkey wrench, it's coming. Your Pinky and The Brain masterplan means nothing if he’s not ready to participate. You should be patient, if he is meant to be yours, he will be. But fellas, there’s always a but, if you take too long, someone else that's built for the title will definitely swoop in like a seagull snatching bread from a pigeon.

PS. Ya’ll know he wasn’t going to stay in Cleveland. (See earlier blog post ‘James West’)

Share and Share Alike

‘Friends are off-limits’. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I’ve heard this expression while eavesdropping on a group of females. Pretty sure I chuckled every time. Sometimes under my breath, sometimes out loud. I’m humored for two reasons: 1. I don’t believe that everyone in this group of 3-6 females is adhering to that rule. 2. Why should they have to? By now, you guys know my stance. All is fair is lust and war. Although some things may not be right, they are fair.

The reality is friends are definitely in-limits. Although we may not see it with the naked eye, it’s happening. Whether it’s in the hood, on a college campus, or in the big corporate office, no class of people are immune. Of course, there is an exception to the rule. For guys, the unwritten rule is you can not have relations with your close friend’s ex-girlfriend.

Like most unwritten rules, a potential culprit will find some way to make this ambiguous. How close should the friend be? How long should they have been a couple before they’re validated? What if the guy has a million ex-girlfriends, are all of them removed from the menu? What if he didn’t love her? Is it ok if the female approached the ex’s friend? As much as I would love to say, “do what you would have someone do to you”, I cannot, because a lot of guys will get in trouble with this thought process. Some guys are just scumbags and they follow no code of ethics. If we’re respecting rules, the best way to approach the situation is “Know Your Personnel”. In other words, we know who our friends are and we know their behavior. Some are very sensitive and same couldn’t care less. Some internalize their feelings, some punch holes in walls. In summary, act like your ass is transporting anthrax, BE CAREFUL. Those that choose to ignore the rule are usually the one’s that are creeping. You know who you are. There are probably a few others that know who you are as well. No, you don’t have to look over your shoulder at this very moment, but don’t think you’re the only one up at 3am going to the corner store. We see you, ooops, I mean the other people creeping see you.

For the players who are non-applicable to the unwritten rule, play ball. The loopholes have allowed you to at least argue or act stupid when your friend approaches you. You can either say you didn’t know, or you can read the following and present a good argument.

First of all, people disapprove of it because they have entitlement and ego issues. They think that everything belongs to them. Listen lady, just because you went on 3 dates with him, you petted his dog and he met your step mother, it doesn't mean he can't date any of your 600 Facebook friends. It’s in the past, you should be moving forward and focusing on the new love of your life, whether its real or in your dreams.

Constant events remind us that this is a small world. The same types of people (class, race, career, social life, etc) usually hang in the same circles. We are almost guaranteed to meet someone who we are attracted to that was previously attracted to an associate of ours. Contrary to popular belief, there may not always be other fish in the sea. Fellas you might meet this bad chick and ladies you might meet this fine brother from the bank who really gets you and is actually as attracted to you as you are to them, but you have this restriction. This restriction you agreed to only because the situation hadn’t happened to you. It sounded like a good idea at the time. You felt that this rule was good for your click; it would ensure you guys would be bffs forever and a day. Bullchit!! Be cool if you want to, you will lose. True, most likely this will only be another fling. Something that is short-lived. Maybe it will not be though. Think of the potential this has to erase your current slump. The last ten you’ve met have been duds. Give in to temptation. If necessary, creep if you have to until it gets serious. Then show up together at game night. POW!

Creep. Yes, I suggested it. But it’s only for those who are too coward to admit that they are enjoying the company of a friend’s ex-boo (ugh, that word again). I have witnessed a few situations where a girl I used to talk to ends up creeping with a dude I was cool with. Not yet has it bothered me. In fact, it’s actually entertainment. Thanks guys. And yes, you can come out now.

One last thing, we can still be cool, but I have to charge consulting fees if you need advice on how to handle each other.

Is this Rocket Science?

The weekend is here and some of you have the fortune of having someone that likes you enough to want to spend a few hours in your presence. Crazy right? Round of applause for yourself because others will be out this weekend trying to find someone they like or tricking someone to like them. We’ll discuss you guys later. So for the ladies and gents that are in that stage of their relationship where you are thinking far too much about the potential of your new boo-boo (whoever invented that word by the way should be tied up and Patrick Ewing’s used sock from the 1994 playoffs should be lodged into their mouth for 3 days), I’m going to relieve you of a minor stress. Who pays for dinner? If you’re a mind reader or better yet, an Es Wild blog reader (“Ice-T Killed Chivalry”), you probably can figure out my position.

Call me crazy, but I think it’s funny that so many times people are not on the same page. Now, I'm only talking about when the man and woman first start going out/ dating. Whatever arrangement comes after things are more serious doesn't concern me.

In the beginning, either the man is pursuing the woman or the woman is pursuing the man. Hunter and hunted. Please pay attention because this may go over some peoples’ heads....the hunter pays! Simple right?...I agree, so why people make a big deal about this I don't know. The same way dinosaurs are extinct, things change. Yes ladies, you want a guy, its ok to take him out. Don't ask him out on a date, expect him to pay and then get mad when he says he doesn't have any money. He has money, he just didn't plan on paying for you to pursue him. And men, unless you're a pimp or super player, the woman does not have to pay if you're courting her. Lastly, in the case of mutual interest, think of a pre-nup; alternate turns or go dutch (where did that word come from by the way?) So until the couple reaches the point where there is a level playing field, this is the law, abide by it to avoid confusion.

Pick Your Poison

• Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits.
• She doesn't even have her own pot to piss in but she is good at living off other guys’ money.
• When a woman who is attractive lies to gain wealth without proper work and showing very little or no affection towards the usually unattractive rich man.
• Are no better than a common gutterslut whore.
• A woman who manipulates men to benefit from their labor, skills, or money without compensation. Often highly narcissistic exhibiting little compassion and thankfulness
• A Hooker, Just smarter
• A girl who is looking for a husband that will allow her not to have to work and thus shop for the rest of her life.
• About 96% of the female population. They will lie, cheat, steal, fuck, blow, and sometimes even kill to get you for all your shit. She wants everything, even your soul. Nothing is safe within the presence of a good one. The whore will use you up and suck you dry and move on to the next unsuspecting victim. This woman is very dangerous; remember the words "Prenuptial Agreement" to ward off this slut bag cum dumpster.

I have to give credit to Urbandictionary.com for the very entertaining definitions. Can anyone guess what is being defined? No, there is not a prize available for those who guessed right. But, it is an admission that this is how most of us feel about gold diggers.

Like most guys, I’ve heard these words and subconsciously accepted them without a challenge. This led to me despising gold diggers for most of my life.

With all that said, I’m about to do something that not many men will do. I’m going to defend gold diggers. I am not going to dissect all of the definitions listed above. In fact, I don’t even expect to convince people to agree with me. I just want the gold diggers and gold diggers in training out there to know that I am sympathetic, I am aware of what it feels like to be misunderstood. (Look out for Hug-A-GoldDigger-Day. As a matter of fact, if you are close to a GoldDigger, give her a hug now!)

Before we start judging women that are attracted to a guy for his money, I think we should be careful. She who lives in a glass house should sit her ass down before she breaks something. Ponder this for a moment……

A woman likes a guy because he is smart, funny, witty, passionate, motivated, down-to-earth, family oriented, good with his hands, athletic, or capable of laying the pipe….you name it. For every attribute a guy has, there’s a woman that’s attracted to it. Although some people are born with certain gifts, for the most part, there’s a guy that either worked to have an attribute or is working to maintain it. Of course this work is for personal growth, but don’t get it twisted, most of the things a guy does to better himself, he’s doing it to get the woman he wants.

This brings us to money. It’s an attribute. It’s one of those stats. It’s flashed and flaunted to serve a purpose just like any other attribute. When a guy is pursuing a woman, if he’s short on funds, he has to convince the woman that he has some other qualities that she may like. We know that some women cannot stand a dumb or corny dude. So what do we do, we tell a joke, or brag about our career goals. Do we call a woman shallow because she only wants to date a guy who was the valedictorian or the guy she can take home to mommy and daddy? These guys are being used the same way the cat with money is being used. Let the guy lose the thing (money, wits, physique, interest, etc) that girl likes. Unless there is enough time invested where the woman can learn to appreciate some of his unexpected qualities, she’s leaving.

The defense rests. GoldDiggers, hold your head, I got you! (As long as you don't ask me for any money)

2nd Place is the 1st Loser

Ladies maybe you’re in a situation with a guy and you’re wondering why he doesn’t treat you like the queen that you consider yourself to be. If you’re afraid to ask him and you want to back into the answer, look for some signs. There’s nothing worse than the girl running around claiming she’s the ace, when she’s actually the deuce or something less. So get your counting machines out and tally up your total. If at least 4 of these apply to you, sorry kid, you’re not the 1.

1 Every now and then he leaves the room when the phone rings.
2 When you met him he was walking one of those little dogs.
3 You never get to spend the night and you actually want to.
4 You never speak to him on phone. Even those addicted to text message pick up the phone every now and then.
5 Street lights on, you’re out. You can't reach him once it gets dark.
6 If he says he only wants to be friends.
7 You just met him.
8 He told you about the other woman, but she doesn't know about you.
9 The guy says he's a homebody, but he parties wit his boys every other weekend.
10 He tells you don’t post pictures of him on Facebook or worse, he will not even take pictures with you.
11 Lastly, drum roll please……….he says "YOU’RE NOT THE ONE"
Listen ladies, listen!

I’m not trying to be cruel; I’m really trying to build awareness and help people avoid confusion. This will save a lot of stress and heartache. Don’t get me wrong, this is not necessarily a bad thing that you are not #1. Maybe you don’t even want to be #1, your schedule probably does not allow for it. You’re happy in your role. But if you do really want to be #1, don’t be discouraged, the results of the survey do not mean that you are not a good fit; it may simply mean you are not the one at that time. If you really want the guy, use it as motivation.

If you dispute any of these, let me know. If you can add to this list, by all means, please do. Remember, knowledge is power. We can all help each other out.

*Side note: As I notice myself sweating due to heat the past few days, I realize summer is approaching. Ladies, you have approximately 4-5 days to R.S.V.P. your spot. After he comes back from DR, Cancun, Miami, 125th Street or up the block, your chances decrease 30%. You will have to resume pursuit after Labor Day.

*PS. I’m sure it’s a few guys laughing right now, but don’t get it twisted, the list is unisex.

James West

Although this is a blog about the answers a woman needs from the male species, there are current events that sometimes occur and deserve their time to shine (see below ‘Spike and I Courtside at the Movies’). Over the weekend I got a text of a RUMOR, I repeat a RUMOR. I don’t want anyone thinking that I am part of the media that is creating or perpetuating this RUMOR. I’m simply going to use it as a tool to excite conversation. ‘Delonte banging Lebron’s Moms’. Crazy, I know. Yesterday, my debate with one of my best friends was so heated I had to post this topic. Because this is not a sports blog, I will not get into Lebron’s performance those last two games. But we are reminded of all of the commentary and our own personal thoughts during that time. I remember saying and hearing, “it looks like Lebron is mailing in it”, “somebody paid him”, “did Delonte even play, what is Mike Brown doing”, “he doesn’t even have the arm sleeve on, it can’t be his elbow, why is he playing like that”.

Well, how would you play if you found out your mother was doing the nasty with one of your teammates. Or if one of your sexual act secrets was discovered by the last person in the world you wanted to find out.


In these crazy times we live in, all types of things happen. Men and women break and create the rules as they go. Even criminals follow a code though. I’m a firm believer in all being fair in lust, love and war, but I have to admit, this RUMOR made me reconsider my stance. I said reconsider, not change. All is fair, but not necessarily right. So who’s wrong?

Lebron’s Mother is 50% - 90% wrong if this RUMOR is true. Wait, this is the logical good guy side of me saying this because I can also easily say that she did nothing wrong. For the sake of argument on both sides of the fence, she’s wrong for the obvious reasons. This is a teammate/ possible friend of her son and a woman of her age should not carry herself that way blah blah blah. The reasons she did nothing wrong are, she’s grown, mama got fantasies, what if she really wanted a fruitful relationship with Delonte, and she has the right to be attracted to and pursue anyone she desires. Why should she be vilified because her son’s star quality provides her the ability to have access to some of the world’s best athletes? Like my man Will Ferrell said in ‘Wedding Crashers’, she’s just “living the dream” lol. What would any woman do? Don’t be surprised if this turns into Tiger part deux; basketball players from a bunch of teams come out and say they did it with Mom Lebron.

Delonte. Poor Delonte. He’s probably thinking “Damn, all I wanted was some ass. It wasn’t supposed to go this far.” That’s if this RUMOR is true of course. If Delonte pursued Mom Lebron, he’s dead wrong. Even though he would be dead wrong, he’s still excused because of the ‘all is fair’ rule. Hopefully she approached him and he can always say that he didn’t know how to handle the pressure (see last week’s post ‘Ok, You Got Me’). I’m sure a cougar of her stature is hard to deny. Lebron had to get that drive and hunger from somewhere.

Because of the ongoing joke that Lebron will have on him for the rest of his life, Lebron is free to do whatever he wants to Delonte. But he should remember, Delonte carries guns like Antonio Banderas in ‘Desperado’. I’m not judging, I’m only stating the facts. No, I’m serious, http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4485441 His clock may actually turn counterclockwise, so approach with caution.

In Westerns, shootouts happened all the time in west, hopefully this is simply a RUMOR and there will be no shootouts in the Midwest.