"Little Help Please"

Unless you’ve been under a rock the last two weeks, you’re very aware of the year’s biggest story in sports. For whatever reason, a lot of people are very upset. But for those of you that are upset because a couple players decided to join up and show their unselfishness, be careful, it’s a slippery slope. Do we really want to promote individuality to the point where we are shunning teamwork? I think most people disagreed with the move and everyone has something to say. Even Jordan gave his double penny. And although he said this was something he, Magic or Bird would never do, he clearly stated that these are different times.

I agree; these are different times, and in more than just the world of basketball. These are different times in the world of dating. Evidence of these different times can be spotted at any lounge, house warming, or cookout. Next time you’re out, do like I do, sit back, have a drink and observe. Although I do it for comedy most of the time, there are occasional moments where I learn a few things. The same way LBJ teamed up with D-Wade, I’ve observed that guys are no longer as competitive in trying to get THE girl. Some guys have tucked their pride away and decided to take the back seat. You have to respect this arrangement. You have to respect this guy. Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the Wingman.

A true Wingman knows his role. A true Wingman respects his role for numerous reasons. First of all, he knows that he can be the key ingredient to his main man’s success which will result in them being stronger as a team. He also knows that there will be days where he is the main man and he expects the same courtesy. No guy wants to continuously be Duck in the ‘shy-brother’ routine.

I’m assuming that the men reading this know the role of the Wingman, so for those of you women who still have no clue what I’m referring to, please allow me to explain. The Wingman is the distraction when your girlfriend is minding someone else’s business, ie yours; he’s the 4th wheel when the girlfriend just has to tag along on the date; the ice-breaker for the friend that cant get his lines out; the rescue team when the girlfriend is ready to leave; the cock-block kryptonite when the angry black woman of the crew doesn’t want anyone to get any because she cant get any; the tension easer when things seem like they are about to get out of control; he is the ultimate utility man. Ladies, I hope you like and appreciate the Wingman, because you created him.

No matter how confident a guy is, whenever he sees a group of women (2 or more) and he’s attracted to one of them, he considers the use of a Wingman. Although he may be successful without one, he knows the Wingman’s services increase his chance of success. I’ve gotten plenty of calls saying “Yo, I coulda used a Wingman last night”. Once a guy hears this, he can pretty much predict the story he’s about to hear. Hunting for a woman has risen to a new, higher level. Not only does he have to convince the hunted that he is the one, but he also has to convince 1, 2, or 3 other friends of his prowess. Ladies, I already know what you are thinking or saying. You’re shaking your head, waving your finger saying, “a real man will do what he has to do to get the girl”. Boooooooo. Get out of my face. This is one of the reasons that single people that want relationships are still single. Imagine if guys stood in the way of a girl trying to get his man. Exactly.

Ladies, on behalf of the frustrated men that don’t have Wingmen readily available, I am waiving the white flag. We don’t know why some of you hate or allow your girls to hate, but will you guys consider a moratorium for the rest of the summer? Wingmen have been working hard lately, we need a vacation. Sign below if you support the ‘Wingmen Need a Break’ movement.

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What are we doing? Those are the four words women hesitate to ask and men dread to hear. For women, it seems like asking this question is something they can’t control. No matter how long it’s been on their mind, it comes out during the most unassuming situations. Middle of sex, as the car on the roller coaster is going up, at the party everyone is at while you’re dancing with an old fling, or at the end of a successfully romantic dinner. These words are like the devil that just has to get out! I mean ladies, what answer you really want. Do you at least want it to be sincere?

A lot of guys, through no fault of their own, are simply out there exploring their options. They will go years leasing a female. When the lease is up, it’s on to the next one. I guess if they find the one they want, they will exercise the option to buy. Unless the guy is out there leading-on women on purpose, it’s very judgmental to say whether a guy is right or wrong for these actions. Women do the same, except they usually get out before it gets to the point where a guy is looking for his title. It’s definitely not difficult to recognize a guy that’s under a woman’s spell and is ready to make it official. You will spot him a mile away. But, I rather discuss the woman’s need to be united.

Personally, the title means nothing to me. I value fruitful relationships and companionships, but I couldn’t care less about the title. Its more about the actions, the communication and the respect between the couple. Hey, but that’s me, judge me. I am understanding though. I do see both sides of the coin. I will not deny that a title has merit. The title means that rules are in place. It means that certain excuses can no longer be used. It also lets others know that they need to act accordingly. It represents a major step in both parties’ lives. When a guy is with his boys and he introduces his female partner as his friend, it doesn’t mean as much as when he says that she is his girl. Now, she commands a whole new kind of respect. Friends now know that they can’t talk any kind of way about or around her. She’s reached a very desirable status. From now on, she has the right to come to every function. Every wedding, Superbowl party, couple retreat, office cookout, she wants in. And the sad part is, the man can’t argue. Yeah I know fellas, it sucks, but this is what happens when you turn over your rights, sorry I meant become official. This leads me to why men will remain elusive for as long as possible. He may not give you the title, but he will “lets work towards something” you to death.

Like I said, a title is the unofficial way of making the relationship official. I’ve learned that no matter how much time the guy spends with the girl, no matter how many birds he let fly away, his actions mean nothing to most women unless the title is present. Its somewhat similar to a woman being engaged for mad years. (Sorry fellas, women have caught on to your little trick. You can no longer “buy time” by buying a little rock.) This might be the worst thing you could do. Once they start parading around town, hitting up beauty salons and baby showers, it’s a doobie. Once the wedding planning commences, you might as well tell your best man to start planning the bachelor party. After a while, you will feel more pressure than the last kid in his crew who hasn’t lost his virginity. But before we even get to the engagement, let’s try to get to boyfriend/ girlfriend status. You can believe that after you guys have been doing the damn thing for a substantial amount of time, the phones are ringing and the birds are chirping. No pun intended. And guess what’s being discussed. That’s right; you guessed it “is he is afraid of commitment”. The guy has no clue that half of his girls’ friends even knew him. Surprise homie, they know you, and they know all your business. Unfortunately, if ‘he aint goin’, ‘he aint goin’. I go by a philosophy that is very simple. Everything will happen the way it is supposed to happen. It’s a difference between ‘afraid of commitment’ and ‘ready for commitment’. When a man is trying to coerce a woman to have sex before she is seemingly ready, sometimes there is no limit to what he will do. He might even pull out his chivalry tactics. But unless the woman is ready, none of this will matter. This situation is no different. When he is ready for the title, it will be undeniable. Its like falling in love, he will not be able to fight it. So ladies, turn your clock off because your destined to be off schedule. If you are on-schedule, and the early stages are going as planned, wait for the monkey wrench, it's coming. Your Pinky and The Brain masterplan means nothing if he’s not ready to participate. You should be patient, if he is meant to be yours, he will be. But fellas, there’s always a but, if you take too long, someone else that's built for the title will definitely swoop in like a seagull snatching bread from a pigeon.

PS. Ya’ll know he wasn’t going to stay in Cleveland. (See earlier blog post ‘James West’)