2nd Place is the 1st Loser

Ladies maybe you’re in a situation with a guy and you’re wondering why he doesn’t treat you like the queen that you consider yourself to be. If you’re afraid to ask him and you want to back into the answer, look for some signs. There’s nothing worse than the girl running around claiming she’s the ace, when she’s actually the deuce or something less. So get your counting machines out and tally up your total. If at least 4 of these apply to you, sorry kid, you’re not the 1.

1 Every now and then he leaves the room when the phone rings.
2 When you met him he was walking one of those little dogs.
3 You never get to spend the night and you actually want to.
4 You never speak to him on phone. Even those addicted to text message pick up the phone every now and then.
5 Street lights on, you’re out. You can't reach him once it gets dark.
6 If he says he only wants to be friends.
7 You just met him.
8 He told you about the other woman, but she doesn't know about you.
9 The guy says he's a homebody, but he parties wit his boys every other weekend.
10 He tells you don’t post pictures of him on Facebook or worse, he will not even take pictures with you.
11 Lastly, drum roll please……….he says "YOU’RE NOT THE ONE"
Listen ladies, listen!

I’m not trying to be cruel; I’m really trying to build awareness and help people avoid confusion. This will save a lot of stress and heartache. Don’t get me wrong, this is not necessarily a bad thing that you are not #1. Maybe you don’t even want to be #1, your schedule probably does not allow for it. You’re happy in your role. But if you do really want to be #1, don’t be discouraged, the results of the survey do not mean that you are not a good fit; it may simply mean you are not the one at that time. If you really want the guy, use it as motivation.

If you dispute any of these, let me know. If you can add to this list, by all means, please do. Remember, knowledge is power. We can all help each other out.

*Side note: As I notice myself sweating due to heat the past few days, I realize summer is approaching. Ladies, you have approximately 4-5 days to R.S.V.P. your spot. After he comes back from DR, Cancun, Miami, 125th Street or up the block, your chances decrease 30%. You will have to resume pursuit after Labor Day.

*PS. I’m sure it’s a few guys laughing right now, but don’t get it twisted, the list is unisex.

James West

Although this is a blog about the answers a woman needs from the male species, there are current events that sometimes occur and deserve their time to shine (see below ‘Spike and I Courtside at the Movies’). Over the weekend I got a text of a RUMOR, I repeat a RUMOR. I don’t want anyone thinking that I am part of the media that is creating or perpetuating this RUMOR. I’m simply going to use it as a tool to excite conversation. ‘Delonte banging Lebron’s Moms’. Crazy, I know. Yesterday, my debate with one of my best friends was so heated I had to post this topic. Because this is not a sports blog, I will not get into Lebron’s performance those last two games. But we are reminded of all of the commentary and our own personal thoughts during that time. I remember saying and hearing, “it looks like Lebron is mailing in it”, “somebody paid him”, “did Delonte even play, what is Mike Brown doing”, “he doesn’t even have the arm sleeve on, it can’t be his elbow, why is he playing like that”.

Well, how would you play if you found out your mother was doing the nasty with one of your teammates. Or if one of your sexual act secrets was discovered by the last person in the world you wanted to find out.


In these crazy times we live in, all types of things happen. Men and women break and create the rules as they go. Even criminals follow a code though. I’m a firm believer in all being fair in lust, love and war, but I have to admit, this RUMOR made me reconsider my stance. I said reconsider, not change. All is fair, but not necessarily right. So who’s wrong?

Lebron’s Mother is 50% - 90% wrong if this RUMOR is true. Wait, this is the logical good guy side of me saying this because I can also easily say that she did nothing wrong. For the sake of argument on both sides of the fence, she’s wrong for the obvious reasons. This is a teammate/ possible friend of her son and a woman of her age should not carry herself that way blah blah blah. The reasons she did nothing wrong are, she’s grown, mama got fantasies, what if she really wanted a fruitful relationship with Delonte, and she has the right to be attracted to and pursue anyone she desires. Why should she be vilified because her son’s star quality provides her the ability to have access to some of the world’s best athletes? Like my man Will Ferrell said in ‘Wedding Crashers’, she’s just “living the dream” lol. What would any woman do? Don’t be surprised if this turns into Tiger part deux; basketball players from a bunch of teams come out and say they did it with Mom Lebron.

Delonte. Poor Delonte. He’s probably thinking “Damn, all I wanted was some ass. It wasn’t supposed to go this far.” That’s if this RUMOR is true of course. If Delonte pursued Mom Lebron, he’s dead wrong. Even though he would be dead wrong, he’s still excused because of the ‘all is fair’ rule. Hopefully she approached him and he can always say that he didn’t know how to handle the pressure (see last week’s post ‘Ok, You Got Me’). I’m sure a cougar of her stature is hard to deny. Lebron had to get that drive and hunger from somewhere.

Because of the ongoing joke that Lebron will have on him for the rest of his life, Lebron is free to do whatever he wants to Delonte. But he should remember, Delonte carries guns like Antonio Banderas in ‘Desperado’. I’m not judging, I’m only stating the facts. No, I’m serious, http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4485441 His clock may actually turn counterclockwise, so approach with caution.

In Westerns, shootouts happened all the time in west, hopefully this is simply a RUMOR and there will be no shootouts in the Midwest.

"Ok, You Got Me"

How do I feel about a woman pursuing me vs. me pursuing her?

Before I answer, let me explain something. Men hunt women. Women hunt men. There is a misconception that men hunt women more than women hunt men. I actually think that it’s 50/50, and I wouldn’t be surprised if women actually hunt men more often then they are hunted by men.

True, the average guy may approach the average woman more than he is being approached by a woman. But you have to look beyond the surface. Go a little deeper. We’re looking at the end of the equation. We’re not looking at the work that was done before the guy even got to that point where he decided to use his best pick up line. Get a clue dude, most of the time it is not the pick up line. She may act like she wasn’t looking at you and she may act like she bumped into you by accident. But, her perfume, ‘Come Get Me’ by Liz Taylor is on though, and it is poppin’. Some women may not have the courage and some may not believe in approaching a man, but trust me, her goal was to get his attention, and that’s what she did. Game. Set. Match. Checkmate. Although it was a trap, both parties benefitted. His boys are proud of him for the score. Her girls are commending her for the way she uncrossed and crossed her legs and got immediate results. Everyone’s happy.

Somewhere in my mid-20’s I realized this is something women did. Some traps I realized after the fact, some I never realized. I can honestly say I had mixed emotions about falling victim and finding out I was set up. It’s like finding out your favorite rapper doesn’t write his rhymes. Or the feeling I got when I first discovered a hair weave. “She lied to me man”. Or remember when Smokey met Freddie Jackson. Ok, I’m being a little dramatic, but the point is the male ego is tricky. Handle with care ladies.

This leads me to the scenario of a woman outwardly pursuing me. No trap, no games. As much as I would love to say I love and prefer when a woman approaches me, the numbers don’t lie. Most of the fruitful relationships I’ve had with women have come from me pursuing them. Men work hard and long at becoming great hunters. I don’t know if women are built to follow the same regimen. Maybe in my case, women aren’t meant to hunt like men. Maybe I’m comparable to the woman that just can’t get got. I’m not saying all guys are like me either. I’m sure some guys work well with women that pursued them. I’m just saying I may be more susceptible to the “pheromone” tactic. Ladies and gentlemen, let me know what you think.

"Almost Perfect"

Man walks pass Starbucks. Inside, Woman is sitting, sipping café latte moca choco frappathingamajig. Man notices Woman. Man doubles back to see if what he saw is really what he saw. Woman peeks up from her novel for a second and notices Man staring at her. Stare is floating on that thin line of endearing and stalkerish. Woman smiles and puts her head back in book. Man notices smile, ignores the fact that he’s already running late to $5 patron margarita Mondays and decides he wants an Earl grey green refresh tea with whip cream. Man gets tea and aimlessly wanders to seat next to Woman. ‘What a coincidence’ thinks Woman. Man introduces himself and Man and Woman begin to converse. Man is very confident because he knows his stats make him one of the best players in the game. All-Star every year. Woman has smile on face because she knows he’s a 1st team player. Every team wants him. Woman gives her stats, not too shabby. 10 time All-Star herself. Master’s degree, down-to-earth, single, good jobby job, nice car (at least that’s what the BMW keys say), silly, good sense of humor, witty and buy some chit you don’t drink beautiful. The connection is obvious. Even brother at next table that was scared to say something feels the magic. Man thinks this is his Neo. This is the 1. Man is not mad that it’s after 8 o’clock and he will now have to pay $12 for his patron magaritas. He may not even go to the lounge. In the middle of the conversation, Woman’s phone begins to ring. Man catches a glimpse of ‘Home’ on the I-phone. Woman answers “Hey baby, how are you?” Man is perplexed. WTF is this, he thinks. Woman starts to clean up and pack her bags. “I’ll be there soon baby”, Woman says before she hangs up the phone. Woman explains to Man that her son is sick and she has to rush home to take care of him. “A son?? You didn’t tell me you had a kid.” Man says with a slight attitude. “Well I do” says Woman, “Take my number and call me later”. Woman goes home. Man goes to lounge with a bittersweet feeling.

The sad truth is that no matter how great a woman is, the news that she is a mother initially sets her back somewhat in the eyes of most men. And what happens if she’s not a ‘great’ woman? Or has multiple kids? Then a guy starts to wonder is she worth it. Is she worth the baby-father drama, the limited access due to child obligations, and potential role of stepfather and everything that comes with it? Let’s not forget the biggest question, is she worth being chosen over an equally great woman who does not have a child?

I don’t claim to know the stats, but as a betting man, I’m putting my money on the woman without the crumb snatcher(s). Pretty sure the single mother loses most of the time. The child may be perfect, the baby-father drama may be non-existent, and the support group is so reliable that access will never be denied. Some men don’t care; they are not trying to hear it, especially if they don’t have any kids themselves. They want their kid to be the first one their wife gives birth to. Or even worse, the woman does not want any more kids.

The man faces a ‘Fight versus flight’ scenario which means the single mother has to work twice as hard to get the man she wants. If she does not, the man is flying. For the aforementioned reasons, most men don’t want to fight. Then there are some men that will deal with the woman because of the nice accolades, but also because of the aforementioned reasons, they won’t get to that point where they want to get too serious. They rather keep their options open.

Competition is everywhere in the game of love. No one’s perfect. In my eyes, a single mother has as much chance as getting the guy she wants as any single woman. At the end of the day, the single woman without the child is single right?? Something must be wrong with her right?? Lol.