What's Mine is Yours, What's Yours is Yours? Que?

PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT will always be a debatable topic. My thoughts about the matter are conflicted. As a younger adult, when I had less business sense and I was more rambunctious, I was totally against it. I've always been an advocate for the institution of marriage. I hate divorce and don't believe in it. In following the law of attraction, I thought that if a guy spoke to his potential wife about pre-nups, he would be attracting this force into his relationship. Its almost like you now know or think its OK to get divorced because the other half of your team has already accepted the possibility of it. The thought of pre-nups didn't work for me because I wouldn't want my wife to even consider the option. "Till death do us part babe, sorry".

Fast forward to present day and you tell yourself "chit was all good just a week ago". Things have changed. Forget about the "Hollywood marriages" that only delusional people believe are matches made in heaven. But with television and the influx of reality shows, marriage is hardly a glimpse of what it used to be, even to regular people. This Hollywood disease has crossed state lines and the acceptance of divorce has spread like a forest fire. Not long ago, our grandparents had as many issues as we do, but divorce was hardly ever an option. They worked through it and even if they didn't, they accepted the reality whether they were happy or not. Everyone knew granny and grandpa had issues but it was what it was. Imagine grandpa paying child support or alimony in the 60s and 70s. I'm sure it happened, but without doing research, I'm sure it was rare.

As I scour the earth for my soul mate, I wonder will I really know if she's official, because there has to be two levels of "soulmatism". The first level is the soul mate that is eternally yours. The second level is the soul mate that takes half for eternity. We don't know as many first level soul mates, but we know a lot of second level soul mates where one of them has more than life insurance taken out of their checks before its taxed. In "Think Big and Kick Ass", Donald Trump calls these soul mates stupid because they are willing to lose everything for love (or lust in my opinion). He gave an example of an associate that made the mistake of not getting a pre-nup not once, but several times. To me, one is only stupid if this person lacks knowledge. This guy seems crazy. Hopeless romantic I guess.

So you see, I'm torn. Even as I read up and down editing, I change my mind several times. I'm arrogant enough to think I can solve any problem. But I'm calculated enough to know that the odds are not in my favor. OK, I've made a decision. I guess because I'm crazy and not stupid, No pre-nup. I repeat, NO PRE-NUP, but she better say yes before I start making eight figures.

"Coach, Put Me in the Game"

It’s ok to have the worst batting average if you have the most homeruns. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. A lot of hitters struggle the entire game, but when it’s the ninth inning, two outs, down one run, runner on third, they execute the suicide bunt to extend the game. You have to have patience and confidence to do this.


Before I confuse everyone with my baseball analogies, let me explain this post's topic. "Yo, Es, she's a good look, but she's on another level, she's out of your league" (that statement is strictly hypothetical btw lol). Do "leagues" really exist? How does a guy feel when he's told that the girl he wants is out of his league?


We all know that the male ego makes some guys come off as arrogant, abrasive, egotistical and pompous (all those words probably mean the same thing but who cares I felt like using them). Depending on who is the audience, these adjectives are viewed as positives or negatives. When a man makes a conscious decision to believe that no woman is out of his league, his ego deserves all the credit. There are of lot of women that wouldn't have boyfriends or husbands if their guy actually saw and adhered to the line that separated the leagues. Only the arrogant and timid pay these barriers any attention. So yes, leagues definitely exist and there are many different types of them. The different types range anywhere from age to looks to education. Some people learn about them as early as grade school, and some people never learn about them. Some people learn about them but choose to ignore. Others acknowledge the leagues, accept the league they belong to, and play if safe the rest of their lives.


How does a guy feel when someone breaks the bad news to him? Well first of all, it’s not a gender thing, it’s a personality thing. Women share the same feelings. Embarrassed, astounded, motivated, defeated. I understand each feeling, but it is what it is. Some people consider themselves Batman, some consider themselves Robin. I ask “what’s the worse that could happen if a guy pursues a woman that is out of his league?” He strikes out. He’s humiliated. His confidence is shattered. I say bring it on. A lot of guys welcome the challenge. This is another case of risk vs reward. If you go 1 for 100 you were successful if that one was a good one. It’s experience. It’s motivation. It’s endearing. Everyone loves the underdog. No one loves a quitter who’s afraid of a challenge. Who wants to keep pursuing the easy feat? Ask the 5’-6” gentleman that doesn’t like short girls. Ask the blue collar worker from the hood that despises hood chicks. Ask the broke dude that stays at Sue’s Rendezvous and only wants to date strippers. These are the guys we see with girls we think are out of their league and we say to each other "how'd he get her?"


We all know the girl that walks up the block or chills in the lounge and no one even whispers a word to her. She looks good, she’s smart, her morals are in order, she’s down-to-earth, she has a sense of humor, she’s a lady in public, and freak in private. Guys want her, wait, correction, guys want to marry her. They fantasize about her. They love her. Guess what, she’s single. She’s available. She can fulfill some lucky guy’s dream. But she’s also intimidating. Her chit is too too put together. Guys are petrified to approach her. She’s out of their league. Everyone loses.


Some guys need to see the wizard for more courage. And some women need to step down off their pedestal sometimes. Don’t lower your standards, but meet him halfway.

"Sorry Courage, Serenity and Wisdom is All I Need"

I once participated in a dating competition (I know, full of surprises I am). Essence Magazine’s ‘30 dates in 30 days’. A female friend of mine thought it was a good idea for me to partake in such craziness. I don’t know if she was setting me up or if she actually thought I was a good catch. Of course I ignored her for like two weeks. Then the silly side of me spoke and I decided to play. I conspired to make this a date to remember. Essence had no idea what they were getting themselves into letting a guy like me have an opportunity to be unleashed unto the world lol.

It was an online competition where five women went on a date with a new guy for 6 straight nights. There were approximately twelve men per woman. Each woman had her own week. Starting on Monday, two men would compete against each other for a date. But the format of the competition was the twist. Weeks before the actual competition started, the men, including myself, were interviewed over the phone and photographed at the Essence offices. We would then be matched up against another guy on a certain day of the week. These guys varied in age, career, personality and looks but we were all deemed as "professional". The day before the scheduled day of your date, the Essence readers and fans would vote for what guy that they wanted to see matched up with the girl of the week. Once I knew the format of the show I figured I wouldn’t get a chance to be unleashed unto the world. I remember being on the phone with my man Chimu while I was in the offices of Essence. I think we laughed for about 20 minutes at all the pointy toe shoe dudes I described that came in nervous and excited to take their pictures. Once I saw these brothers, I realized I probably wouldn’t get a date. The whole thing was a joke, it wasn’t really for me. Before this experience I thought competing for a woman is corny. After the experience I still believe competing for a woman is corny. (FYI If you’re wondering, I didn’t win a date. And believe it or not, I wasn’t mad).

I love competition as much as the next person, but I will be damned if I fight for a woman. Almost anything is worth competing for if the desire is grand enough. But, the exception is the love of another person. This is one of the few times where a man's pride is excused. I know what you’re thinking, and I disagree. It has nothing to do with mine or any male’s ego. It’s not about thinking that I’m too good to compete either. But if a woman wants men that she really loves and admires to compete over her, she’s going to end up with the Omarosa show. Which is like the rest of these dating shows, something unreal. I love, respect, and appreciate women and I am man enough to say that I have searched for one or two of you in the daytime with a flashlight. Trust me, I understand how important you are to me, to men. But if I’m chilling with a special lady friend one day, and she tells me that she likes Treyvon and me equally and that I need to step it up if I want her to myself, I’m either gone, or I’m looking for Treyvon. Trey and I need to talk. We need to discuss how we are going to play her ass equally. Trey should know that I have no problem sharing our mutual friend. We should not get mad, but we should feel very vengeful because our mutual friend has proposed that we compete in an unfair match.

When two people compete for such a prize, the prize is the only winner. Of course to the naked eye it looks like either Treyvon or I is going home with the prize. Actually the only thing one of us did was sign a lease. It’s borrowed time. I don’t want a woman that is not woman enough to make the tough decision. Basically the woman is telling the guy that she will always be up for grabs. Soon as the boyfriend, slide, jump-off, husband or whatever you want to call him starts to slip, another guy she has been scouting is drafted. You’re Eddie Cain, he’s Flash. You’re Drew Bledsoe, he’s Tom Brady. You’re the old Aunt Viv; he’s the new Aunt Viv. I’m sorry but my words would be, “I’m a veteran; I’m not fighting for my job”. “Don’t you know I’m in the union”? Some women think it’s cool to play games to keep their piece “on his toes”. But be careful. When games are played, one never knows what will happen. Some guys may go crazy when the woman tries to make them jealous. Score, points for the lady. But not all the time, there is the type of guy that does not do jealousy. Call us laid-back, lazy or lackadaisical, but we don’t care. Go ahead, wear your "fuck-em girl" dress. But you better mean it. Because imagine if the shoe is on the other foot, we know what happens when women are forced to compete (See link in comment box if you are unsure).

Ps. Another reason why I will not compete is that there are some guys that you cant compete with. If a guy is tall and you are short, you cant compete. If his shoes are pointy toe and yours are square or round, you cant compete. If you like basketball and he likes football, you cant compete. A woman is attracted to what she's attracted to.