PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT will always be a debatable topic. My thoughts about the matter are conflicted. As a younger adult, when I had less business sense and I was more rambunctious, I was totally against it. I've always been an advocate for the institution of marriage. I hate divorce and don't believe in it. In following the law of attraction, I thought that if a guy spoke to his potential wife about pre-nups, he would be attracting this force into his relationship. Its almost like you now know or think its OK to get divorced because the other half of your team has already accepted the possibility of it. The thought of pre-nups didn't work for me because I wouldn't want my wife to even consider the option. "Till death do us part babe, sorry".
Fast forward to present day and you tell yourself "chit was all good just a week ago". Things have changed. Forget about the "Hollywood marriages" that only delusional people believe are matches made in heaven. But with television and the influx of reality shows, marriage is hardly a glimpse of what it used to be, even to regular people. This Hollywood disease has crossed state lines and the acceptance of divorce has spread like a forest fire. Not long ago, our grandparents had as many issues as we do, but divorce was hardly ever an option. They worked through it and even if they didn't, they accepted the reality whether they were happy or not. Everyone knew granny and grandpa had issues but it was what it was. Imagine grandpa paying child support or alimony in the 60s and 70s. I'm sure it happened, but without doing research, I'm sure it was rare.
As I scour the earth for my soul mate, I wonder will I really know if she's official, because there has to be two levels of "soulmatism". The first level is the soul mate that is eternally yours. The second level is the soul mate that takes half for eternity. We don't know as many first level soul mates, but we know a lot of second level soul mates where one of them has more than life insurance taken out of their checks before its taxed. In "Think Big and Kick Ass", Donald Trump calls these soul mates stupid because they are willing to lose everything for love (or lust in my opinion). He gave an example of an associate that made the mistake of not getting a pre-nup not once, but several times. To me, one is only stupid if this person lacks knowledge. This guy seems crazy. Hopeless romantic I guess.
So you see, I'm torn. Even as I read up and down editing, I change my mind several times. I'm arrogant enough to think I can solve any problem. But I'm calculated enough to know that the odds are not in my favor. OK, I've made a decision. I guess because I'm crazy and not stupid, No pre-nup. I repeat, NO PRE-NUP, but she better say yes before I start making eight figures.
Fast forward to present day and you tell yourself "chit was all good just a week ago". Things have changed. Forget about the "Hollywood marriages" that only delusional people believe are matches made in heaven. But with television and the influx of reality shows, marriage is hardly a glimpse of what it used to be, even to regular people. This Hollywood disease has crossed state lines and the acceptance of divorce has spread like a forest fire. Not long ago, our grandparents had as many issues as we do, but divorce was hardly ever an option. They worked through it and even if they didn't, they accepted the reality whether they were happy or not. Everyone knew granny and grandpa had issues but it was what it was. Imagine grandpa paying child support or alimony in the 60s and 70s. I'm sure it happened, but without doing research, I'm sure it was rare.
As I scour the earth for my soul mate, I wonder will I really know if she's official, because there has to be two levels of "soulmatism". The first level is the soul mate that is eternally yours. The second level is the soul mate that takes half for eternity. We don't know as many first level soul mates, but we know a lot of second level soul mates where one of them has more than life insurance taken out of their checks before its taxed. In "Think Big and Kick Ass", Donald Trump calls these soul mates stupid because they are willing to lose everything for love (or lust in my opinion). He gave an example of an associate that made the mistake of not getting a pre-nup not once, but several times. To me, one is only stupid if this person lacks knowledge. This guy seems crazy. Hopeless romantic I guess.
So you see, I'm torn. Even as I read up and down editing, I change my mind several times. I'm arrogant enough to think I can solve any problem. But I'm calculated enough to know that the odds are not in my favor. OK, I've made a decision. I guess because I'm crazy and not stupid, No pre-nup. I repeat, NO PRE-NUP, but she better say yes before I start making eight figures.
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"Eddie I want half!" For a while I shared the same feelings as my esteem colleague, co-d, right hand man EST. I'm down for marriage and we share everything boo boo. My feeling have such changed. I'd like to think I am a man with integrity and such integrity won't allow me to take half of my wives riches if we part ways. Whatever we build together we split, but if you came in with $5 mill, you can leave with $5 mill boo. So obviously, I'm pro-pre nup. If you love me, you love me for me and vice versa so why should I be entitled to half of what you brought to the table? Women will argue, "I put up with his bs blah blah blah", but if your intentions were pure when you entered into this union, your love would have been for the person and not that persons fortune. If Oprah was 30 years younger and we were in love, and I wanted to marry her, I'd have no problem signing a prenup because I am marrying the woman I love. When my riches make me more desireable and Mrs. Right comes along I will definitely have a pre-nupt in effect and if there is any trepidation in her signing it, I will think long and strong about marrying her. If she loved me for me, she shouldn't have a problem with it.
ReplyDeleteI find it very refreshing to hear a man say that divorce is not an option for them. I must say I have to agree that if you are going into a marriage with even the slightest inkling that there is an 'out' then when the road gets rough, you run for the exit sign. The first mistake couples make is not talking enough before marriage to really get a feel and understanding for what LIFE will be like together.
ReplyDeleteYes he is sooo cute when he's mad, you love the smell of his cologne and he is umm well blessed in other areas too, but that won't resolve who has to get up at 3am with the baby.
We need not take marriage so lightly and do our research people!!! Just because you work well when he is wining and dining doesn't mean you will when things get REAL! Take your time and DO IT RIGHT!
If you should so happen to ignore this advice then there are options. There are 'Post-Nup', Re-up the Nup' and even a 'Tear it Up' option for those who over prepare, under prepare or find themselves somewhere in the middle.
Love is a beautiful thing and anything worth having is worth saving.
I heart this blog.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ms Battle, it is refreshing to read a man say divorce isn't an option. I agree Hollywood has made divorce seem like it's no big deal. But it is. Divorce shouldn't be an option when it comes to simple things like, (dare I say it) someone cheated (once), someone has a drinking/drug habit, someone lost their job and has been in a depression for a little too long. But there are very hard lines where I think divorce is an option (when you realize the person you married isn't the person you married), therefore the vows are null in void no? I'm talking HUGE issues like physical abuse, ANY type of child endangerment, and having full fledged romantic relationships outside of our marriage. (I have my own theory on this but that's for another day)
I do think couples should sit down and discuss how their marriage will work and it needs to be readdressed every so often. Marriage is work and just like you get an evaluation at work you should be evaluating your marriage and making tweaks so you advance in your marriage.
Mighty DR if my man presented a pre nup to me it would give me pause, unless we discussed it. I don't think a pre-nup is necessary but I also don't think court ordered child support is necessary either. A court of law should not have to tell us what is acceptable to take care of our responsibility.
I hear allot of men say, (for example- Tiger Woods- JUST AN EXAMPLE) "She didn't swing not ONE golf club, so why should she get half" BUT b/c I KNOW the type of woman I am, there's so much more that leads up to his ability to ‘swing his golf club’ (referring to what he does for a living, lol) the way he does. He has peace of mind, peace of heart, piece of chicken (the big one) and a sweet piece of me when he comes home every night. When my husband doesn't have to worry about how things get done around the house b/c his partner has it handled and he doesn’t have to worry about his kids (not that I want him to be hands off but I hope you get the picture) he can focus on bringing US home a paycheck. I'll be doing the same b/c I know my partner has my back to meet OUR needs. So b/c I’m not on "the green" with my man I’m not worthy? I am his ultimate silent partner! We all see how jacked up Tigers been playing now cause his life is falling apart!
I'm not for pre-nups b/c I'm not for divorce. I'm for fairness, honesty, respect and communication!
The problem with pre-nups is that they focus on what two people bring to a marriage as individuals. It causes the couple to have limited thinking because it places more value on them as individuals than as one unit.
ReplyDeleteMy soulmate will be my close friend, my lover and my BUSINESS PARTNER. I aspire to build an empire, a legacy, with my husband, something our children, grandchildren and even great gran will benefit from. The man for me will laugh at a pre-up because he knows that what we bring to the table as individuals will pale in comparison to what we build together. And, I'm not just talking about priceless photographs of family memories. We will have plenty of those but we'll also have the sound of "ching ching" echoing in our ears.
So for those who want a pre-nup I say "to each his own" but for me I choose to think bigger than that. I don't believe in divorce but if my husband decides on his own to bounce one day, he can have the $5 mil I walked into the marriage with cause I'll be living off the interest of our multi-billion dollar empire.
And SIDE NOTE: I only said $5 mil cause that's the number Mighty DR threw out but I wanted to point out that my soulmate doesn't have to have $5 mil, nor even $100k in order for me marry him. He just needs a dream AND a plan of action. Ready-made seems to be to the key to relationships these days but my traditional side doesn't mind building together. I believe that "we" is stronger than "I." Besides, "we" existed long before any pre-nups did.
All well articulated points (I know, I haven't been in here in a while!), but, at this stage in my life, I remain torn. I feel that pre-nupts are merely a safety for dudes - and some women - because, as much as our history has shown us what sticking together is really about, it has also shown us the evil side of spite. Simply put, we get 'em to protect ourselves. There's alotta money hungry people out there. I have a cousin who's suffering now because his ex-wife hit him with one of the grestest Jedi mind tricks in the history of G-dom! Got married (oh, baby, I love you!), had his 2 children, built a happy home with him. Then she wiped out his account (what's yours is mine??), served him with papers, claiming he was mentally abusive, and now he has to cough up $6,500 a damn month to this broad! Now tell me, should he have gotten a pre-nupt? Based on eveything that's been said in here - DR excluded - the answer WAS yes! Hence, why I'm on the fence with this one. I just feel that, with all things in life, this shit gotta be looked at from every conceivable angle. To be continued......
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 16
ReplyDeleteI loved this one! where to start....First in today's world/society marriage is not valued, nor an interest for many ppl. I grew up in a single parent household, and my husband is the only person I know that grew up with both parents who are still married, that's rare. I've never been the money hungry type, If I like you I like you even if you broke, and if Im riding with you then money isnt an issue, unlike many pl I believe in "whats mines is yours and whats yours is mines" to a certain extent after you have been with a person for a while, especially if you and that person thinking long term and family. Common goals should be each other, moving forward together while supporting each others individual goals, which many ppl feel they dont have time for....its not that they dont have time, its they are not or don't want to make the time.
Second for many couples they focus 2much on the financial, tho it is important, its not everything, and if your living together but separate then its not gona work, it will be more rough & stressful then needed. The together but separate is we split everything down the middle to the T...Keeping tabs on who paid the most of what last, instead of just doing it, knowing that your wife/husband got your back when your down/low funds etc.....
I feel that many women nowadays also seek men with more financial, that's what the world is turning into, what your worth and credit score....
Lastly as I was all over the place with this comment, My partner is my friend, we created a great relationship from our friendship, so I have my best friend who you fall in love with over and over throughout your time together, and you tell each other that yall want it work, and are willing to put the time in and push and focus when needed to make it work, even when it gets frustrating. Your on the same page, communicating whatever it is necessary and creating an even balance!
Prenup will never en an option, you should already see that person as your wife or husband before the ceremony legalizes it. Focus on the positive not the negative, what you would get out the deal..aka marriage....
Thanks for this blog.....