Ummm, I Never Agreed To That

I was having a discussion with a very beautiful female friend the other day and the conversation made me remember that I owe the readers a post about my opinion regarding platonic friends. "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP”. These were my exact words in my April 7th post, “And You Say He’s Just a Friend”.

I would like to apologize to the readers and all my debaters that I have sparred with past and present. Please excuse me. Apparently I had been using the word incorrectly. I clearly misunderstood. This is why I hate being caught without my dictionary. Again, I apologize, you were right; there are such things as platonic relationships. Relationships without romance or sex can and do exist between a man and a woman. But before you get ahead of yourselves, I meant to argue that just because its platonic, (1) it doesn’t mean the relationship is guaranteed to stay that way, and (2), no heterosexual male will turn down the opportunity to stick a fork in that platonic status.


Now I have to put out a disclaimer because there are exceptions to the rule. If something is morally wrong with the two doing the freshy, all bets are off. Examples include:

• Ex of close friend
• One or both are in relationship or married
• There is completely zero attraction between both parties.

And even with that said, there is a certain amount of liquor that fades those lines.

“Awww, look at you guys, you are so cute together” says random female. “No this is just my friend, we are strictly platonic” says the female friend. Meanwhile, male friend is smiling and nodding in agreement but shaking his head in his mind. The reality is that unless one of them is butt ugly, and the other one is smart enough to know this, its bullchit. Ladies, I’m going to keep it real with you. In case you didn’t know, men think about sex 75%-85% of the time. And yes, of course I know this because I surveyed every man in the world. So, if a female is with her platonic friend more than 25% of the time, you better believe he’s already figured out the best sexual position for your body type.

Please don’t be astonished. You should’ve taken note when you were in the lounge with him and he gave you the funny look while yelling/ singing “I wish I could f**k every girl in the world”. He’s trying to prepare your sub-conscious. Besides that, the guy probably never really agreed to be platonic. This was the consolation prize for striking out 100 times. Trust me!

I dare any female to argue, or better yet, let’s play show and tell. Show your so-called platonic male friend your willingness to give him goodies, then log on afterwards and tell me either how disgusted you are or how pleasantly surprised you are.