I once participated in a dating competition (I know, full of surprises I am). Essence Magazine’s ‘30 dates in 30 days’. A female friend of mine thought it was a good idea for me to partake in such craziness. I don’t know if she was setting me up or if she actually thought I was a good catch. Of course I ignored her for like two weeks. Then the silly side of me spoke and I decided to play. I conspired to make this a date to remember. Essence had no idea what they were getting themselves into letting a guy like me have an opportunity to be unleashed unto the world lol.
It was an online competition where five women went on a date with a new guy for 6 straight nights. There were approximately twelve men per woman. Each woman had her own week. Starting on Monday, two men would compete against each other for a date. But the format of the competition was the twist. Weeks before the actual competition started, the men, including myself, were interviewed over the phone and photographed at the Essence offices. We would then be matched up against another guy on a certain day of the week. These guys varied in age, career, personality and looks but we were all deemed as "professional". The day before the scheduled day of your date, the Essence readers and fans would vote for what guy that they wanted to see matched up with the girl of the week. Once I knew the format of the show I figured I wouldn’t get a chance to be unleashed unto the world. I remember being on the phone with my man Chimu while I was in the offices of Essence. I think we laughed for about 20 minutes at all the pointy toe shoe dudes I described that came in nervous and excited to take their pictures. Once I saw these brothers, I realized I probably wouldn’t get a date. The whole thing was a joke, it wasn’t really for me. Before this experience I thought competing for a woman is corny. After the experience I still believe competing for a woman is corny. (FYI If you’re wondering, I didn’t win a date. And believe it or not, I wasn’t mad).
I love competition as much as the next person, but I will be damned if I fight for a woman. Almost anything is worth competing for if the desire is grand enough. But, the exception is the love of another person. This is one of the few times where a man's pride is excused. I know what you’re thinking, and I disagree. It has nothing to do with mine or any male’s ego. It’s not about thinking that I’m too good to compete either. But if a woman wants men that she really loves and admires to compete over her, she’s going to end up with the Omarosa show. Which is like the rest of these dating shows, something unreal. I love, respect, and appreciate women and I am man enough to say that I have searched for one or two of you in the daytime with a flashlight. Trust me, I understand how important you are to me, to men. But if I’m chilling with a special lady friend one day, and she tells me that she likes Treyvon and me equally and that I need to step it up if I want her to myself, I’m either gone, or I’m looking for Treyvon. Trey and I need to talk. We need to discuss how we are going to play her ass equally. Trey should know that I have no problem sharing our mutual friend. We should not get mad, but we should feel very vengeful because our mutual friend has proposed that we compete in an unfair match.
When two people compete for such a prize, the prize is the only winner. Of course to the naked eye it looks like either Treyvon or I is going home with the prize. Actually the only thing one of us did was sign a lease. It’s borrowed time. I don’t want a woman that is not woman enough to make the tough decision. Basically the woman is telling the guy that she will always be up for grabs. Soon as the boyfriend, slide, jump-off, husband or whatever you want to call him starts to slip, another guy she has been scouting is drafted. You’re Eddie Cain, he’s Flash. You’re Drew Bledsoe, he’s Tom Brady. You’re the old Aunt Viv; he’s the new Aunt Viv. I’m sorry but my words would be, “I’m a veteran; I’m not fighting for my job”. “Don’t you know I’m in the union”? Some women think it’s cool to play games to keep their piece “on his toes”. But be careful. When games are played, one never knows what will happen. Some guys may go crazy when the woman tries to make them jealous. Score, points for the lady. But not all the time, there is the type of guy that does not do jealousy. Call us laid-back, lazy or lackadaisical, but we don’t care. Go ahead, wear your "fuck-em girl" dress. But you better mean it. Because imagine if the shoe is on the other foot, we know what happens when women are forced to compete (See link in comment box if you are unsure).
Ps. Another reason why I will not compete is that there are some guys that you cant compete with. If a guy is tall and you are short, you cant compete. If his shoes are pointy toe and yours are square or round, you cant compete. If you like basketball and he likes football, you cant compete. A woman is attracted to what she's attracted to.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx8_MDanSQg
ReplyDeleteHmmm ironic timing given my latest "experiment".
ReplyDeleteHowever....I talk to my female friends about this ALL the time. Many of the people who are in relationships where the FEMALE isn't the one sitting home waiting for her man to come take her out or to be paid a lil attention to, are the ones who have a "warm up bench" ready, willing and able to jump in an take their shot in the ring (I know I mixed a whole bunch of sports, lol)
I'm learning that people who have the opposite sex pining for a chance to be with them are the ones who exude the oh so sexy quality called... INDIFFERENCE! One can only be indifferent when they truly don't care b/c they have plenty o' options.
If someone tells 2 people they are dating they need to step it up or step off, most likely don't care for either one or they are TRYING to gain their power back with the one they like but going about it the WRONG way.
I won't begin to try to explain why men get or don't get jealous b/c I don't understand ya'll. But love is worth fighting for, but I’d have to imagine you don't really love a woman if she's dating other people and trying to make her man jealous. If you love her you won't let her go or give her an opportunity to think she should make you jealous so that you can FINALLY choose her. There is clearly a communication gap.
I agree with this! I beleive you summed it up best with this statement "Actually the only thing one of us did was sign a lease. It’s borrowed time"
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ReplyDeleteGreat analogy T. Unfortunately some people dont understand that. I was speaking with a friend the other day, and she pointed out thats its 2010 and women are still fighting over men. That is kind of retarded, but it may be a double standard if the myth holds true. If there are really less qualified men than women out there, I guess the women better go for what they know. Just dont be surprised if the man is getting scooped up by a classier chick while he watches them fight.
ReplyDeleteTo ES
ReplyDelete-Usually women fight when the male has been dishonest with one or both of them. Obviously both women feel, for whatever reason, the male belongs to them. The Male will villify the woman A to woman B, then turn around and do the same thing to woman B. He will also led both on to believing that she has the lead. This fuels his ego.
Women dont fight for good men. Good Men dont require much of a fight. If theyre into you, you'll know. Conflict too early may turn you off to them. True G's have their way. They wont let someone who doesnt compare to you threaten THEIR position with you. Slimebags want to watch you fight. Its entertaining.
When it comes to women (seemingly) pitting men against each other, its a plea for attention.
Woman's LITERAL WORDS: "Well, as you know, so and so (usually some "catch") likes me very much, yada yada, so he yada yada. And, well gee, Im not sure who im really feeling yada yada yada."
Woman's ACTUAL MEANING: "There's this other guy who I dont like as much as you, but im still dating because you and I are still in the early stages and I dont have your complete undivided attention, so im telling you what he does so maybe you will do the same/similar/better to show me you like me more than him. Because really im insecure about how you feel about me because of what I feel (and probably is) a lack of effort, so I want you to be like this lame over here alittle because I know youre not a lame and I want you to have the advantage. Because i want to excuse myself for still letting YOU compete with HIM even tho he does A,B, and C and you dont, which hurts my ego and is making me look like a fool when I call my cousin and tell her everything about you on the phone."
I dont play those sorts of mindgames. Pabvon was right, "they are TRYING to gain their power back with the one they like". Its almost an act of desperation. The good news for males is that when a woman does this and you back off, the power has just switched hands. In reality, she wants you to try harder, NOT back off. Aint that a lesson learned;-)
PS If a woman uses this tactic, she's immature, move on. She'll start chasing you, and if not, youre definitely better off.
Samantha, Samantha O how I love thee Samantha.. This woman is wise beyond her years and I might quite possibly love her.
ReplyDeleteAs the oh so lovely, Pabvon said, "we exude the oh so sexy quality called indifference", but please know this is not intentional. We behave indifferently when women try to pin us against another male or we're just not into you. The latter is another topic, so i'll stick to the first. The quickest way to make a guy flip is to tell him you got someone in the wings "treating you how you deserve to be treated" and I need to step up. I'm going to step off and tell you to enjoy yourself. You're not about to be telling me what I NEED to do. My college sweetheart tried that one on me and I chucked the deuce. She went with "plan b" and got 2 kids and a divorce out of it. That grass wasn't greener huh boo?
We simply need to be more honest with each other from the jump and tell one another our honest intentions. Whether you just want to smash or you want to build, everyone needs to be on the same page so there is no reason to put other people into the equation as incentives to get what you want out of the other person.