She's Three Different People

Picture this: Beautiful couple, beautiful setting, beautiful night. Man and his girlfriend are out and about on one of those perfect summer nights. This is one of those nights where everything during the day was going smoothly and it seemed as if everyone in the world was in a good mood. The two have been walking for about an hour and the woman decides that she is thirsty. Man suggests they go into one of those downtown grocery stores. You know, the ones where a Naked juice is $6.50. They both look at each other with a little bit of skepticism, but the woman says “f*#k it, I got that raise. Let’s keep the party going.” So the two enter the store, the man grabs Fiji water for $3 cash, and the woman goes for the ‘Red Machine’ Naked juice. They walk to the register, smiling, laughing, pinching butt cheeks, enjoying each other’s presence. Store owner grabs the beverages after they’ve been placed on the counter. Returns the products in a plastic bag and passes the woman $0.50. The woman thought $0.50 would be fine if she gave the Korean man $10.00. But she gave him a $20.00 bill, so he owes her some money. Of course the Korean man isn’t going; he knows what she gave him. And what she gave him was a $10.00 bill. The boyfriend is in the background stupefied because he has never seen his girl behave like this. She’s yelling and making all types of crazy hand gestures. She’s really upset. Korean man isn’t going. Police arrive. Woman gets more berated. The scene is now super crazy. Boyfriend exhausted and frustrated from trying to calm his woman down. If he had not committed to this relationship a couple weeks ago, he would have left the scene a long time ago. Half an hour later after police threateningly pulled the hand cuffs out, the gathering disperses. Couple leaves $10 cash short, with warm water and juice. Naked juices are only good when they are cold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the point of the story is that whether women realize it or not, there are some men out there who actually care about how a woman carries herself. For every setting and situation, there is appropriate and acceptable behavior. In case someone needs clarification, I will break it down for you.

Simplify it into three categories. The categories are: When the man and woman are together in public, when they are together alone and when they are separated in public. The same way men have to act appropriate at times, a woman should act a certain way during each occasion as well. Some behavior is allowed at different times and some behavior is not allowed at any time. For instance, I better never hear about or see my woman picking boogers from her nose. I’m sorry, but that’s a deal breaker. That’s what they make bathrooms for. That’s disgusting. What is she? A man? She should excuse herself and go handle her business. Other things included in the repulsive category include farting, burping and anything else sickening that you can ponder.

Besides the nasty smells and sights, the woman can do anything when we are together. She should be herself. I would prefer she doesn’t curse as much as I and hopefully she’s tidy. Hitting is unacceptable unless its play time and its leading to sex. And as far as sex, she can be as freaky as a porn star. I would prefer that she is only a nun if we are role playing and she is the Brooklyn nun that claimed to be raped by a 6’-4”, 250 lb black man.

That takes care of when we are alone. When we are separate, although it may be taken for granted, this is a very important time. I believe that at all times, a man’s other half represents him. This is most important when she is without him in public. The last thing a guy wants to hear is that his girl was drunk, giving lap dances at the club. A man may break up with his girl if he gets a text message saying that she is in the beauty salon trying to fight the hairdresser because she put the wrong color in her hair. Most respectable men want a lady and not the Shenené type of lady. In fact, most respectable men want to get complimented on their woman’s behavior.

When a man and woman are together, it can be a little tricky. Everyone has a different embarrassment and desired respect level. Some men tolerate less than others. The man and woman of a couple should know what behavior works for each other. In the story above, this guy seemed too cool for his woman’s behavior. Whether he enjoyed the display or not, I’m sure he wouldn’t have been mad if she did nothing. If she took the loss and simply left to enjoy the rest of their evening, he would have been fine. Unfortunately, after this night’s events, there’s a slight chance the anticipated intimacy for the evening had been compromised.

In conclusion, timing is everything and there is a time and place for everything. Men are immature at times. Women are immature at times. Everyone should have foresight and know when crazy behavior is appropriate and how certain behavior will have an affect. Most importantly, know that Korean store owners are not going!