Padding Stats

Warning. The topic to follow may be dangerous to some. Do not recommend, paraphrase or forward this to your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or prospect if either of you are insecure, dishonest or intolerant. Trust me, the argument is really not worth it. But, for those feeling froggy, lets discuss the old adage “Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t.” In a society fixated with statistics and comparisons, numbers tend to be the poster child for certain objective thinking. As a former math lover (prior to college calculus), I understand the power in numbers. In fact, I do agree, numbers don’t lie, but they don’t necessarily tell the entire truth either.

For those who have yet to catch on, excuse my vagueness, but I’m speaking of the number that represents a person’s amount of sexual partners. Some of you are already counting by point five (0.5). Have fun, I’m not going to ask you how many you’ve caught in your web anyway. On second thought, maybe I will. But first, let’s at least make it clear that vaginal sex, anal sex, and fellatio aka chromy dome or any other kind of oral pleasures qualify as a digit. The number does not include the amount of sexual acts; no one cares how many times you’ve done it with the same person, that’s boring. The interest is in sexual partners. Some people will hide this number like it’s a family secret.

Although the numbers may not lie, the people submitting them can. When women lie about their “number”, they tend to go for the innocent lower number. Depending on who a man is lying to, he may be shooting for the stars with his number, or he may be trying to simply “fit in.” The rhetorical question of the day is, why? I feel everyone should wear their number proudly as if it were a football jersey of a family member who is in the hall of fame. At the end of the day, it represents your history. Like I previously stated, the number doesn’t tell the entire truth. A high number doesn’t mean someone is promiscuous, afraid of commitment or experienced, and a low number doesn’t mean someone is an inexperienced angel. Honestly, I don’t think a number can be definitive of someone’s character. Now in my most serious tone, the number does indicate how many times a person has been susceptible to creating a child or swapping special monsters. But even with that said, there are people that mistakenly went half on a baby with their first partner, just as there are people that have been doing the nasty for decades and never had to visit the clinic.

Now that we know that numbers can be honest and incorrect, and numbers can hide some of the truth, do they really matter? I’ve never been asked what my number is and I’ve never judgingly asked what someone else’s number was. So again, do they matter? No one is asking for them on the first date, so we subconsciously know that they are not deal breakers. Understandably, no one wants a sloppy hoe, but I’m sure we don’t need to know a sloppy hoe’s number to know that he or she is a sloppy hoe.

It is important that we know what a number can mean, but for the most part, a surprising number will only make one second guess their reason for dealing with a person. If a guy meets a girl, likes a girl for who she is and what she brings to the table, finding out about a high number and being upset will only do him a disservice. If she’s not a virgin homie, just pray that her number isn’t increasing while she is with you. Then you have issues.

Ice-T Taught Me

Black men have been doing the nasty with women outside their race for longer than any of us can remember. Also, for as long as anyone can remember, it’s always been big deal to some, and never a big deal to others. Today, the most attention, deservedly so, gets paid to the African-American male athletes who are not dating black women. We African-American men with regular occupations get no love, or hate for this matter. Lucky us. The black men that dominate the television screen, fill the arenas, and set our cultural trends have earned the right to rest on the slide of public eye’s microscope. My rhetorical question is why. Why do people care who’s marrying, dating, kissing, boning or spooning who? Black women seem to be the ones who are the most repulsed with these men’s actions. Apparently some of them want to know why black athletes choose or even more disturbing to them, prefer women outside of their race.

I won't lie and say I don't say a slick comment or two when I see a black athlete with a woman that's not black. But I'm also just as mad when Beyonce takes an acting role that should've gone to a real black actress. I don’t make a big fuss about it, maybe a little. But for the most part, I vent, quickly get over it, and charge it to the game. The way some black women are passionate about getting looked over by black athletes, I’m surprised when I turn to Sportscenter and don’t see a group of angry women picketing outside the NFL and NBA offices. This lets me know that most women act like they care, but they really don’t.

For the bothered, and even those that act like they are bothered, I understand your concerns. You’re concerned about the future of the “black family.” Or maybe you’re thinking that another wealthy black man has been stolen from the crop. Some black women believe that they deserve the "better" life he can provide to a spouse. I admit, these are some legit concerns. Maybe there is an underlying reason why African-American men are choosing not to settle down within their race. Maybe it’s due to how they were raised. Has anyone ever considered that reproducing with a black woman may not have been stressed during their upbringing? A sense of culture may not have been a priority. Maybe they grew up taught to judge by the character of the person and rather than the color. Or maybe it’s due to way the man was treated by the different races of his female peers. I hear a little bit of Becky goes a long way when you’re a teenager. Whatever the theory is, the fact remains. Some black men are not dating, marrying or even entertaining black women. As far as white women go, to some black men, it’s like pork, unless a conscious effort is made to stay away, there’s going to be play. What can one do? Unfortunately, black athletes are jumping out of the black woman dating pool as if they were gay, felons or married.

Ladies you no longer have to debate the reason why these men date outside of their race. The answer is simple. Whatever excuse, reason or rationale he gives is irrelevant. The man likes what he likes. It’s that simple. True, some things may influence that, but whether or not it’s due to attraction, feasibility, or accessibility, he likes what he likes. Miss me with the bullchit talk that I stated in the last paragraph. I respect the man that steps to the plate and stays away from the excuses. I rather not hear that black women are too aggressive, ghetto, self-centered, disrespectful, or gold-diggers. All of those traits cross color barriers. Some white women are just as broke. There are Asians that sport a lot of acrylic. And don’t be surprised if there are as many Spaniard women that are not sweating some of these crusty, no game, corny athletes. I get upset when black men are willing to downgrade their race simply because they are not man enough to admit that they like other races. I understand that Flava Flav’s Basketball Wives have blessed our television machines and validate some of the stereotypes, but who is dumb enough to think all black women act this way.

If it’s possible for me to put this issue to bed, I promise you that most African-American male athletes actually date and marry within their race.

For more on this topic, please be sure to check out the March 10th and March 17th (my guest feature) talk radio episodes at WarRoomSports.com.

Play Date: Win, Lose or Love

For those who have questions, here are the answers to some FAQ.

1. Is there still time to register? Yes! Advance ticket sales end this Sunday, Feb. 20th.

2. Why buy tickets in advance? Advance ticket holders are guaranteed to play. Plus... you save some money!

3. Is this only for singles? Everyone is invited to mix and mingle, but we ask that only singles play.

4. Is this speed dating? Yes and no. Yes, because players will date multiple people in one night. No, because we use the spirit of competition to determine compatibility.

5. What games will be played? What's the excitement if we reveal everything? But, I will say one game... Spades!

Hope to see everyone tomorrow!

Tricks Are For Kids, Wait....It's Valentine's Day

For a while now, I've sort of had an internal debate that has been slowly destroying me. I am pleased to announce that one side has finally convinced the other side to accept its logic. Through this long, tedious process, my mind, body and soul are now restored. Everything was torn because certain parts were choosing sides. The issue that caused this divide is a simple statement that has been embarrassingly repeated for as long as I can remember. Actually, I don’t even know why I’m trying to dress it up. Statement, its not. Really it’s a rap lyric that has been dangerously infectious and trendy. And similar to a lot of rap that transpired throughout the “Platinum Era,” it was a falsehood that people thought was true. We that are in the know, understand and accept that half of hip-hop simply is not real although we hope it is. I admit, I’m guilty of believing some of these hip-hop myths. For example, there was a time where I actually thought that there was no way Rick Ross could be a former Correction Officer. Hey, put me in jail, I’m human. But this time around, I decided to be responsible. I will no longer promote false propaganda. Kids, we’ve been lied to and it’s time the wool is removed. In advance, I apologize for being a party pooper. Some men will have damaged egos, and there’s a chance their women will suffer. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s imperative that you know that it’s definitely trickin’ if you got it.

For years we’ve recited the lyrics “It aint trickin’ if you got it.” Some of our favorite rappers even participated in this craziness. But how many people have actually dissected the phrase. I did, because I’m the Mad Analyst and I hate repeating stuff that I haven’t officially co-signed. I won't insult you or waste our time by defining what trickin’ is, but if you don't know, continue reading and I’m sure you will figure out its meaning. For those of you that think it’s trivial and has nothing to do with relationships, have a seat and let me learn you something. Like I said, it’s trickin if you got it, and it’s simply stupid if you don’t have it. Fellas, to restore your pride, it doesn’t mean you are a trick if you’re trickin. Some of you are feeling embarrassed about doing something nice for a woman. If you got it, you should be trickin. Ladies, if he’s trickin’, in other words, spending money on you, he wants something. He’s not doing it simply because you are a nice girl. What he wants can be good or bad, but its definitely something. Actually, most relationships are born with a little trickin. Guys are quick to tell their homies “I aint paying for chit.” Please stop it, we don’t believe you. It’s part of the game. Most guys pursuing a woman are paying for a thing or two. Behind most movies, dinners, flowers, train tickets, air max and outfits is a man denying his trick status. He does not want to accept it because he’s been singing those damn words for so long. He doesn’t want to be associated with the perverts at Hunts point in the Bronx. He refuses to be confused with the horny men at strip clubs that actually believe that Diamond loves them. Unfortunately fellas, you all are tricks, some have just graduated to other levels. So if you’re in the clubs singing “I got it” and making it rain thinking you are better than average, guess what, you are average. I'm going to do my part by never again saying that I am not a trick. That status can’t be removed unless my name is Bishop Magic Don Juan or if I’m in a relationship.

For those who got it, trickin is an investment. For those who don’t have it, trickin is a lottery ticket. With V-Day fast approaching, if you have spent your last on a woman or man you want, you are stupid. You better learn some arts and crafts. Get creative and take a few cooking classes. Get your horticulture on. If they can’t grasp the theory “it’s the thought that counts,” ya’ll both are stupid and you deserve each other. Happy Valentines Day.

And if you’re benefitting from all this trickin, it doesn’t mean you are a hoe. But, I will warn you that it’s a slippery slope. Also, if you are taking advantage of a guy because you know he is a trick, you’re definitely a hoe. Yeah I said it. “You a hoe.” If you invite your girls to come party and your selling point is “Jason is buying bottles,” you and your clan are hoes. Embrace it.

She's Three Different People

Picture this: Beautiful couple, beautiful setting, beautiful night. Man and his girlfriend are out and about on one of those perfect summer nights. This is one of those nights where everything during the day was going smoothly and it seemed as if everyone in the world was in a good mood. The two have been walking for about an hour and the woman decides that she is thirsty. Man suggests they go into one of those downtown grocery stores. You know, the ones where a Naked juice is $6.50. They both look at each other with a little bit of skepticism, but the woman says “f*#k it, I got that raise. Let’s keep the party going.” So the two enter the store, the man grabs Fiji water for $3 cash, and the woman goes for the ‘Red Machine’ Naked juice. They walk to the register, smiling, laughing, pinching butt cheeks, enjoying each other’s presence. Store owner grabs the beverages after they’ve been placed on the counter. Returns the products in a plastic bag and passes the woman $0.50. The woman thought $0.50 would be fine if she gave the Korean man $10.00. But she gave him a $20.00 bill, so he owes her some money. Of course the Korean man isn’t going; he knows what she gave him. And what she gave him was a $10.00 bill. The boyfriend is in the background stupefied because he has never seen his girl behave like this. She’s yelling and making all types of crazy hand gestures. She’s really upset. Korean man isn’t going. Police arrive. Woman gets more berated. The scene is now super crazy. Boyfriend exhausted and frustrated from trying to calm his woman down. If he had not committed to this relationship a couple weeks ago, he would have left the scene a long time ago. Half an hour later after police threateningly pulled the hand cuffs out, the gathering disperses. Couple leaves $10 cash short, with warm water and juice. Naked juices are only good when they are cold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the point of the story is that whether women realize it or not, there are some men out there who actually care about how a woman carries herself. For every setting and situation, there is appropriate and acceptable behavior. In case someone needs clarification, I will break it down for you.

Simplify it into three categories. The categories are: When the man and woman are together in public, when they are together alone and when they are separated in public. The same way men have to act appropriate at times, a woman should act a certain way during each occasion as well. Some behavior is allowed at different times and some behavior is not allowed at any time. For instance, I better never hear about or see my woman picking boogers from her nose. I’m sorry, but that’s a deal breaker. That’s what they make bathrooms for. That’s disgusting. What is she? A man? She should excuse herself and go handle her business. Other things included in the repulsive category include farting, burping and anything else sickening that you can ponder.

Besides the nasty smells and sights, the woman can do anything when we are together. She should be herself. I would prefer she doesn’t curse as much as I and hopefully she’s tidy. Hitting is unacceptable unless its play time and its leading to sex. And as far as sex, she can be as freaky as a porn star. I would prefer that she is only a nun if we are role playing and she is the Brooklyn nun that claimed to be raped by a 6’-4”, 250 lb black man.

That takes care of when we are alone. When we are separate, although it may be taken for granted, this is a very important time. I believe that at all times, a man’s other half represents him. This is most important when she is without him in public. The last thing a guy wants to hear is that his girl was drunk, giving lap dances at the club. A man may break up with his girl if he gets a text message saying that she is in the beauty salon trying to fight the hairdresser because she put the wrong color in her hair. Most respectable men want a lady and not the Shenené type of lady. In fact, most respectable men want to get complimented on their woman’s behavior.

When a man and woman are together, it can be a little tricky. Everyone has a different embarrassment and desired respect level. Some men tolerate less than others. The man and woman of a couple should know what behavior works for each other. In the story above, this guy seemed too cool for his woman’s behavior. Whether he enjoyed the display or not, I’m sure he wouldn’t have been mad if she did nothing. If she took the loss and simply left to enjoy the rest of their evening, he would have been fine. Unfortunately, after this night’s events, there’s a slight chance the anticipated intimacy for the evening had been compromised.

In conclusion, timing is everything and there is a time and place for everything. Men are immature at times. Women are immature at times. Everyone should have foresight and know when crazy behavior is appropriate and how certain behavior will have an affect. Most importantly, know that Korean store owners are not going!

One of These Kids is Doing Her Own Thing

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Play Date: Win, Lose or Love

Nobody Talking About You

Ladies, have you ever eavesdropped on your man while he was with his boys? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Some years back I went on a trip with one of my best friends Chuck. We were in our hotel room talking big chit about a certain female. Well actually it was mostly me doing all the talking. Chuck mostly watched and laughed as I was very demonstrative about my “true” feelings. Five minutes into this animation slash conversation, we hear a knock on the door. I would like to order two BBM surprised faces for me and my friend. He nor I didn’t say a word, but we both heard each other say, “Who the f#$k is that!?” I will not insult your intelligence by telling you who knocked on the door. But we know whose face I saw when I opened the door. That situation eventually worked itself out, but let’s say that day me and that female learned a lot about each other. Love you if you’re reading.

Every female should want to be a fly on the wall. Not in the sense where they are being nosy though. At first thought, I couldn't believe that there are women that actually want to know what guys talk about. Why do you care ladies? On second thought, I figured the same way I wonder what women talk about, women may be thinking along the same lines. I guess it is important to understand what goes on in a man’s head when he is in his most normal, relaxed state. When a man is around his boys, there’s a good chance that he is truly himself. Depending on the dynamic of the relationship, the subject matter discussed amongst male friends is limitless.

Because a guy’s friends are important, when a woman commits to a man, she is committing to his friends to some degree. Men probably have more male friends than women have female friends. Some friends are involved on a daily basis and others have an influence so strong that they can reside 1000 miles away and still speak without speaking. But no matter what, conversations are happening. If you think we are talking about it, guess what, we are. It can be something important, or something very frivolous and stooopid. Ladies you can downplay it and think that these conversations are trivial, but guess what; a man’s friends are his “brain trust.” Although he is making the executive decision (you hope so), there’s a chance that he is channeling input from others. Ladies beware of your man’s brain trust. Beware of the guy that your man listens to the most? Is this friend the serious, shy, humorous, hood, professional, outgoing, militant, down-to-earth or stuck-up friend?
Be sure you understand the reasoning behind your man’s voice of reason. You almost have to know him as much as you know your man. This is true even if you are not a couple. There’s a good chance that that voice of reason has a guest pillow for those barn burner pillow talks you are having.

What are the guys discussing? This is a preview: Who are the new joints? Who's currently on the roster? Does she have friends? Hook me up with her. Did you smash? Did you at least get the head? Was it good? Pass off. You know all p*#@y aint good p*#@y? You went in her raw, you’re bugging. Yo, I think she’s crazy. What do you plan on doing with her? I heard she’s married? You’re thinking about hanging up your jersey? She's a good look for you, are you going to wife her? She's not better than the last one. Do you think she will make you a better person? I don’t like her, but I will be the best man.

That’s the “PG, I got a blog version.” But trust me, the conversations can be crazy if you’re not used to it and the point of views can sometimes come from left field. It behooves a woman to know who her man or prospect for a man is having this dialogue with. You need to know whether this guy is a potential ally or enemy. You need to strategically keep him close if you want to understand some of your man’s movements. No one tells one person everything, so don’t be that arrogant to think that you are the one that knows everything. But knowing about the talks and more importantly the characters talking, you are that much closer.

It's a Dirty Job, but Someone Has To Do It

Single sucks! I know it, you know it, and we all know it. For all you New Years Resolution Stans, lets not go into a new year lying. Why are we kidding ourselves, it’s the truth. Say it with me, “Single Sucks!” Before we jump to conclusions, don’t take this as a plea, a complaint, nor an offer. Because I know how to make the best out of a bad situation, no matter what else I write in this post, under no circumstance should you think that I am not HAPPILY single. But since this is my blog, a place where everyone can be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t make the bold statement that although people enjoy being single, EVERYONE (ladies, that includes men) wants to be in a relationship. Some don’t care if it’s a bad relationship, others prefer good relationships. The point is, when the relationship produces desired results, it’s the best thing since the re-release of spandex. The only group of people I would exclude from this group would me those men and women that are in the rebound stage. Those people that are recently removed from an exhausting situation are still a little punch drunk so they need time to recover. Depending on how long they were in their past relationship, they may want to enjoy being single for a while. I guarantee though, once they’ve recovered from their past phase of obligations, they are ready to jump into a new set of rules. Funny how that works right? As much as people proclaim they love their freedom, everyone is ready to relinquish those rights as soon as something good comes along.

Naturally the question a naysayer would ask is “why are so many people single if no one really wants to be single?” Well there are a million ways to answer this question. First, I would like to say that people are lying to themselves. Yes, I’m calling some of you liars. We can agree to disagree. Look at it this way, if everyone had to make a decision where they could only be one thing, single or in a relationship for the rest of their life, what would people choose. Think before you answer. Anyone that has experienced a great relationship knows the benefits of a relationship far outweigh those of being single. How many times have we seen a male or female friend break-up with their mate and either go back to them or continue to engage in relationship activities? They do this because they know that being single is brutal. Guys aren’t up to date on the new game. Those cat daddy lines just aren’t working anymore. Women turn down the first 30 qualified men that approach them. She comes off of as the angry woman in the crew. Single sucks! People that are on the rebound are the best people to validate my bold statement. They know where they just left and are hesitant to accept the single life.

Imagine two sets of people that are out and annoyingly enjoying themselves, one is a couple and one consists of two single people. We all have seen these people before. I guarantee that the happy couple will NEVER look at the happy single people and say I wish I were them. But you better believe that at least one if not both off the single people see the couple and fantasize about being in their situation.

Although men are single and appear reluctant to “G-Dep” themselves, deep down they really want to be in a relationship. Women appear more ready because they think about it more. Men don’t think about it as much. When men decide that they want a girlfriend, you better believe their antennas are up and they are simply waiting for a qualified candidate. You don’t have to be Cornel West smart to know that a relationship offers more than being single. Single provides flexibility, minimum responsibility, and possibility of new sex daily (playa playa singles only). But none of those are necessarily great things, excluding new sex daily, just kidding. None of those make a man great. Being single is futile, and most men know that, at least the men that women should be trying to date. Being in a relationship provides definition, organization, unlimited support, unbiased friendship, and guaranteed sex daily (at least 60% of the time).

The key is finding the guy that is ready. A woman that wants a relationship will have a much more difficult time finding a man if the man is not ready. But of course there is an exception to that. If a woman is “that chick”, the man will know, and he will wake up. So ladies if you’ve been “talking” to this guy for somewhat a long time and it has yet to go anywhere, question whether or not you are “that chick”. There’s a good chance that he may not be “that dude.”