"Ice-T Killed Chivalry"

It wasn’t raining. It wasn’t cold. The neighborhood wasn’t dangerous. I don’t even think it was dark. And most importantly, it wasn’t my car. So why in the world is she giving me that look? No, it’s not my job to pump your gas. Maybe if I was the pilot on this journey, yes, but no, I’m only the navigator. My job is to chill. Lol. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t go anywhere.
I lost that battle before it even started. My naïveté made this an uneven playing field. At the time, my ego would not allow me to understand what was happening. This is an example of one of those subtle learning experiences that changes a man’s life.

I’ve continued to learn in the 8 years since this encounter. The main thing I’ve learned is that, although it’s on life support, and people are in the waiting room pulling for it, chivalry is dead. No, I’m not talking about simply being courteous and considerate to any woman. I’m talking about chivalry as it pertains to a man courting a woman. Yeah that, its over. And it wasn’t me that bodied it. It’s been a group effort, long before I came around. Men are on trial, and women are the co-defendants.

Unfortunately for women, it was never taught or embedded in me. Judging by the amount of laughter I hear from a group of guys as they witness another guy pull the chair out for his lady, it wasn’t taught to a lot of men. Now I can easily say I grew up with a single mother and there was no father figure and no big brother and no positive male role models blah blah blah. But this is not the forum for that, nor do I make excuses. Don’t get me wrong, along the way I’ve picked up a few things here and there. Some things I observed, others came from natural instinct and evolution. Through this evolution, there are numerous times where I actually perform “acts” of chivalry. List not included. With that said, for the most part, I’ve been getting by being an unchivalrous knight, rescuing the princess from the emperor’s castle without slaying the dragon, climbing the tower or carrying her over my shoulder. Before I’m vilified, let me explain.

For the same reason nice guys finish last, chivalry is dead. First of all, most women don’t know what chivalry is nor do they know the purpose of it. Then there are the women that know of chivalry, but don’t expect it or demand it. So why wouldn’t chivalry be dead. Why would a man go out of his way to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, fix a woman’s car, or take the chance of getting beat up when another guy disrespects the chick he’s with. There is a misconception that the amount of acts of chivalry you perform constitutes your level of manhood. False! Chivalry is no more than a personality trait. A personality trait that seems more and more unfavorable to men and women. Sure, a guy can carry your shopping bags, mow your lawn, or pull out the chair for you to sit and eat off gp. But where does that get him. I don’t want to hear the whole spill about gaining self-respect. Too late, got that. "Your mother will be proud of you". Too late, got that too.

I guarantee the following words are going to get overlooked so I will waste my time and put them in bold print. THE ONLY THING I CAN PROMISE YOU IS THAT I WILL RESPECT YOU AND TREAT YOU HOW YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED. I think that’s pretty fair. That’s square biz right there. I don’t get this notion that a woman’s talent to open her legs warrants her the world. I have a motto, ‘I will do damn near anything, but don’t expect it’. That means, the same way I have to prove that I deserve for you to use that “special” talent for me, you have to prove that you deserve for me to open that passenger door for you. I know I’m definitely not old fashioned, so I understand some women saying that I’m ignorant and I just don’t get it. Cool. Am I less of a man if I’m not chivalrous, am I more a man if I am?

Chivalry doesn’t make a man good or bad. Like I previously stated, it’s a personality trait. If you want to see more signs of chivalry from your man or the guy you want to be your man, open the discussion. Ask him why doesn’t he do these things? Ask him what will it take for these things to happen?

"One Hit Wonder"

I don’t know when it started and I don’t know when it will stop. It probably never will. Men do it. Women do it. The question is why we do it. Why do we “hit it and quit it”? For men, since we are the ones who get the bad rap, the easy answer is that we are dogs. I don’t know why women do it and if I thought about it, I would realize that I don’t even care. As men, we just deal with women’s behavior sometimes and charge it to the game. Women are so hard to figure out, why try. That’s why I write a blog about men and why we do what we do. But I do have a question for the females that I will get to later. Maybe I can get some answers. In the meantime, below are the answers you wanted, or the answers you probably didn’t want.

1. Chick not sexy enough to do anything else.
2. Pussy was wack, garbage.
3. In a relationship.
4. You look better with your clothes on.
5. Pussy was too easy, I know I got game but come on, I know I aint that nice.
6. Pussy was too good. I have to leave her alone because something must be wrong.
7. You feel like you're playing yourself if you fuck her more than once.
8. Pursuit of the girl wasn't really challenging.
9. Something bad happened during the sexual encounter.
10. Don't want her catching feelings.
11. Afraid of commitment.
12. Hidden agenda.
13. Wasn't physically attracted.
14. Curious.
15. Too much work to get it.
16. Spite. Making me wait for the pussy because they don't want to seem easy.
17. She was talking that “you aint ready” shit, I smash and chit is wack.
18. Bad attitude during courtship so for wasting my time, I need to smash and dash.
19. I just aint into her. One of those chics you just can't stand to be around.

Before you kill me, I have a confession. Those are not my answers, but I do endorse them. They come from 4 friends of mine, randomly picked and I respect their honesty. To protect them, they will remain “anonymous”. On their behalf, I will accept all awards. Lol. Some of the answers are good and some are just plain fucked up. I mean fellas, lets be honest, we can be some insensitive, unfair, and cruel individuals. But with all that being said, all is fair lust and war. Let me explain why.

I'm talking with one of my female friends and she's telling me about a situation her female friend is having. Her friend is involved with a guy and like most typical failed romances, the guy is on point in the beginning, gets the ass and then starts to text, as opposed to calling like he did prior to knocking it down. The texts soon start to come less frequently. The guy is much busier than he was in the past. Work is more demanding; he’s working on a promotion. You get the picture. You're wondering what happened. Those 19 answers above, some of those are what happened. That’s the reason why you guys are no longer the happy couple that walked up the block and held hands in front of his boys; why he no longer chills with you on Sunday and he’s back to watching his football games. But wait, there’s more! Those are not the only reasons you guys are not on the path originally set out. Those are only half of the story. Pay attention as I give you the other half.

Remember those days when you first met Mr. HitItandQuitIt. You didn’t really like him. You probably didn’t even give him the number. But he was a wolf. I mean he was focused, straight vulture. He knew what he liked and there was no way he was not going to get you. He actually had good intentions too. You kept seeing him. You respected his drive. He lived by the motto “persistence beats resistance”. He did everything possible. You give him the number, you see that he’s a nice guy, you think he deserved a chance. Again, he does everything. Pays for all the meals. Bought your little brother cleats for his first baseball game. Sends you flowers and edible arrangements. But you’re still dragging your feet. Meanwhile, his sucker meter is skyrocketing. Player cards are dropping all out of his pockets. His boys say “she sexy, but she aint Lauren London (pre Lil Wayne Lauren London of course)”. So he soon starts to feel used. Resentment is setting in. His effort is not being reciprocated. He may or may not make his feelings known. As a doggie biscuit, you finally give him the ass. You believe this is enough to keep his sucker meter high. But little did you know, his feelings changed during the courting period. He may have even met a woman that appreciates how well he treats her. But he wasn’t stupid. He was not departing yet. His bank account, his friends, movie and Broadway play stubs, they all reminded him of his failed ambition. He wants something. He wants ROHI, return on his investment. Cue your token sex. Blahhhhh.

Fast forward to the end of the ordeal. You’re emailing me asking the question of the week. But are you analyzing? Are you in the mirror? Did you notice how much work this guy put in? Trust me, he didn’t put in all this work just to hit. I don’t care what he says. He wanted something big, you didn’t give it to him, and you’re blaming him? Are you kidding me?

That scenario I shared is real ladies. The average guy has done this at least once. I mean there are a few Pretty Rickys out there who got they chit together that don’t have to go through this, but for the most part, that’s what we go through. Most women don’t like us initially. We gotta do what we gotta do.

Now time for my question. After you gave that guy the token sex, the work he put in to get you, did you put in the same amount of work to keep him? Be honest. You can lie to me, but you cannot lie to yourself.

"Seems Like You're Ready"

Brandi: Yeah but why the silent treatment. You haven't talked to me in five days. I call your house and you tell your father to say you're not home, then I call again and you take the phone off the hook.
Tre: Well I've been busy.
Brandi: What did I do Tre, what did I do to you that was so bad that you stop talking to me?
Tre: See you know what you did, see you gotta get with the program.
Brandi: I told you about that, I'm Catholic and it goes against my morals.
Tre: Catholic girls are supposed to be some of the biggest hoochies.
Dough Boy observing from across the street: He still aint fucked her yet.

I'm baaaaack!! And I brought some chit with me this time. OMG! I really expect to get some interesting comments on this one. Ok, so some of you women have men that don't have issues with your male friends. Cool. And some of you don't have men that have issues with you making more money or some of you don't even make more money than your man. I understand. The last couple posts may not have applied to everyone. But this week, I guarantee, I mean I bet my right arm that this week's question that was asked to me applies to every woman that has been in a relationship. Yes, even the fake relationships that we don't really know what they are (future post btw). Lol.

I was asked, is there really a hidden rule on how early a woman should/shouldn't have sex with a guy she's hanging with? Listen ladies and gentlemen, NO BOOM BOOM TIL YOU JUMP THE BROOM! Yeah right, not these days. Not judging, but no sex before marriage went out the window a long time ago. Don't kill me, I don't make the news, I just tell it.

But to answer the question, no, there isn't a rule, most guys don't care and don't know what to think. First of all, in the beginning if we are attracted to you, 75% of it is sexually, so of course we want it. We've probably imagined you naked already with sexual positions based on your body type to follow. So sex, yeah, sooner the better. Depending on the guy, he may have considered the female as a possible girlfriend or wife candidate. Big deal, he still wants to smash asap. But guess what ladies, you are in the driver's seat. So in making your decision on when you should share the love box, know that it depends on what the woman wants. What are her plans for this guy? Does she have any plans? Is she like the guy where she definitely knows off top that she wants to get it in?

It doesn't really matter how soon a woman has sex with the guy, but it is important that the woman carries herself how she wants to be treated. True, some guys will call you a smutt if you do it too early. Yes this does increase the chance of all his friends thinking you have no morals. But honestly, the sex act doesn't completely define the woman's character, and her job is to make sure that it remains that way. The reason for this is simple, here are the scenarios: typically, u give up the goods too early, you're a slore, you're too easy and anyone can have you. That's society's perception. Its hard for a guy to really believe that you like him when you let him pipe without him knowing you truly know or like him. The chance of sending the wrong message are heightened. But on the flipside, you wait too long you have to deal with some issues as well. You put pressure on yourself because if you really want this guy, you have to keep him interested. How does a woman do that without being somewhat intimate. I mean how long are you going to play the kissing game. You can only karate chop his hands for so long. The pressure will mount. Ultimately, you may have to worry about him getting some from elsewhere or him deciding that he doesn't want to wait and he just leaves. I know women that are fine with any scenario. There are women that don't care what people think, those that have their beliefs and don't break them for no one, and those that just do what is natural. That's why its important that whatever decision a woman makes, the man has to understand the type of woman he's dealing with.

If this guy really likes the woman and he decides that he wants to be with her on a "serious" level, the woman has to convince him that she is trustworthy, respectful, about her business and honest. The woman has to make it her mission to disspell the myth about her sleeping with the guy early. Waiting for the woman can work out if the guy is a good dude and the woman has convinced him that he will be rewarded for his patience.

Men don't necessarily deal with this problem, but my advice to a woman would be to not worry about the when she does it and definitely don't put a clock on it. Do what's natural. Live your life, if you want to turn him out the first night you go out, do it....if you want to wait till you're in the mood, by all means, WAIT! One issue is that some women want to keep their "number" down, which I can understand. This guy may not be worth another number. The statistics say he will be another number. Basically if its meant to be, it will happen. Make sure you're responsible and respectful of yourself and you will know what works best for you.

PS. Ladies if your sex is wack, you read all of this for no reason! He will not want you whether you did it early or late.

"And You Say He's Just a Friend"

Let’s not get it twisted; the movie wasn’t a total disaster. There were some positives. I came away with some very interesting topics to share on www.andshewonderswhy.blogspot.com. My $12.50 ends up not being a waste.

In the movie, Jill Scott’s character is put in a compromising position. She has an ex-husband/ old friend who needs help and a new husband that already said he does not like the ex-husband.

This reminds me of a question someone asked me a couple years ago that will be a debateable topic for years to come: Would male friends my woman has known before me bother me? And what about ones met after we're together? Well the first thing that comes to mind is trust. The second thing is respect. These two things work hand in hand. Before I answer the question, I must say that both the male and the female of the relationship have to be realistic in their perception of each other when dealing with friends or strangers. If the woman is attractive, outgoing, kind and flirtatious, the man has to understand that men will naturally flock to his girl. The man has to know if his girl has that "ora", you know, that orange glow. If he doesn't, women get the bail money ready....there's gonna be a lot of brawls. Now the woman has a responsibility as well. Not only does the woman have to know her man's temperament, she too has to know that she has that glow. This is when that "r" word comes into play. Since both parties understand that men will approach, the woman has to show respect and (1) not lead men on and (2) not do anything outside of her ora to draw men. The man has to trust, uh oh, there's that "t" word. The man has to trust his woman and allow her to do her job. Wow, see the teamwork, this can be beautiful when executed correctly, there might just be a chance of decent relationships after all.

Now to answer the question, both situations can be bothersome if handled incorrectly and negligible if handled correctly. From my point of view, the answer is simple. The men my woman knows before we're together, I have no problem with that. You can't avoid that. It happens. I'm hoping you were a nice enough person that you made friends before you knew me. I just don't want to be surpised. Communicate with me. Call me the old man that dies at his 80th birthday surprise party. I hate surprises. Some of my ghetto psychiatrist friends will say that's because I have control issues, whatever that means. But anyway, give me a brief history of the relationship so I understand the nature of the relationship and the behavior of the two when around each other. Whether you guys had a one night stand, blind date, he always wanted you but you put him in friend zone, he was your first but it was wack or if you grew up together and he's simply your "homeboy". (Oh yeah, I don't know about other guys, but choose another word. Sounds a little suspect. I've been the "oh, that's just my homeboy" before.) Hopefully with this information, preferably ahead of time and not within 24 hours of me first meeting the guy, my "level of botheredness" will remain low.

Now because of this damn ora, guys met after we're together can and will happen, but it has to be kept to a minimum or I will begin to be OJ bothered. I don't care how many times I hear "I don't rock with too many females; girls are jealous", you won't be rocking with too many males either. There is no such thing as a platonic relationship. I repeat, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP" (I can explain another time). I don't trust guys and I don't like them, and every male should feel this way. (At least he should if he wants to keep his girl). And ladies its not an insecurity. I grew up around lycans, so I know how they operate. If I have anything to do about it, they wont get a chance to strike. Women should understand this, my woman will. Therefore the woman should make sure I know every new male friend and the relationship should be very limited. If my woman is really "my woman", I will be able to TRUST that she will RESPECT my position. And before you ask, yes, I will try to return the favor, lol.

"Spike and I Courtside at the Movies"

I have to admit, I couldn’t wait to type my next blog post. With all the positive feedback, I was getting extremely anxious to answer another serious question from the female race. Actually, I had the next post waiting with the only thing left for me to do is click ‘publish’. But with the timing, I decided to go another direction. Nice weather on an Easter Sunday, why not go to the movies? Why not capitalize on this opportunity to talk my chit?

I will begin with saying Congratulations to Tyler Perry on his successful opening weekend for ‘Why Did I Get Married Too’. Approximately 29.2 million viewers wanted to know how the cast of characters’ lives have changed in the three years since ‘Why Did I Get Married’. Unfortunately, why did I get married is not the question, why did I pay money to go see why did I get married is the question. I will admit that I am not a Tyler Perry movie fan, but I convinced myself to go into the theater with an open mind. I said “Stevie, watch the movie as if you don’t know that the actors will overact; as if you don’t know that the script will be underwritten”. I told myself this. I really wanted to be in the “in” crowd for once and actually agree with everyone. I mean 29.2, even if only 20 million enjoyed the movie its still a success. So people when you read the rest of this post, you should at least know I tried very hard to look the other way and ignore some of the obvious blunders.

There were some entertaining segments throughout the movie. But, I often asked myself, “What’s the purpose”? Perfect example is Angela (Tasha Smith). Angela is too much. Talk about beating a dead horse. Ok, we get it, she’s loud, she’s ghetto, she’s annoying, but why? Does Tyler Perry think he needs to have this ignorant behavior to keep the audience interested? Is it that important that he provides a character that he thinks we can relate to? Was the rant in the television studio really necessary? She already had the rant in the airport, the rants in the “cabana”, and the rant on the beach to name a few. She’s supposed to be an educated woman; a mother and entrepreneur in her mid-30s. I’m just not buying it.

Patricia’s (Janet Jackson) behavior towards Gavin (Malik Yoba) is confusing. I’m sorry, but I need clarification. Isn’t this marriage retreat the good doctor’s idea? I don’t know, I am a bit slow on the weekends sometimes so maybe someone can enlighten me on what appears to be a desperate attempt to make these two boring characters interesting.

The Rock, seriously? The funny cake, you kidding me? Did people really think that was funny?

The hospital scene. Come on, don’t insult my intelligence. That was so cheesy. And how can Patricia have credibility with her friends when they know she destroyed her own marriage. Does Terry (Tyler Perry) really forget about what his wife has done and forgive her simply because Patricia’s crying and feeling guilty.

Sheila (Jill Scott) and Troy (Lamman Rucker). When I first thought about it, I decided not to go in. Obviously I changed my mind. Twice. Sorry, even I battle myself at times. I’ll leave it alone. You guys can fill in the blanks.

The car accident. Tyler, are you trying to distract us from knowing that you didn’t know how to end the movie.

We went on a lot of rides watching this movie, but we ended up at no destination. The amount of lack of closure is so high you damn near want to think this was a scary movie that has rumors that the sequel has already been shot starring new cast members Denzel Washington and Will Smith. If he’s trying to get me to come back and pay to see ‘Why Did I Get Married Again After I Know I Shouldn’t Have Got Married The First Two Times’, he can forget it. Tyler you can reach me at swild21@gmail.com, please hurry up and e-mail me the answers so I can satisfy my fading curiosity.

Sometimes there are comedies that can get away with having laughter and not having a story. This is not one of those times. There are a lot of unnecessary “drama” filled scenes. There is no finality. And I have to keep it real, the ending sucked!

The other day one of my friends said “I was of the elite crowd who has never seen a Tyler Perry movie, can’t say that anymore. But it’s sad that the first thing I said when I left the theater was ‘typical’……”

I wonder what number in 29,200,000 was Spike’s number this past weekend.