Brandi: Yeah but why the silent treatment. You haven't talked to me in five days. I call your house and you tell your father to say you're not home, then I call again and you take the phone off the hook.
Tre: Well I've been busy.
Brandi: What did I do Tre, what did I do to you that was so bad that you stop talking to me?
Tre: See you know what you did, see you gotta get with the program.
Brandi: I told you about that, I'm Catholic and it goes against my morals.
Tre: Catholic girls are supposed to be some of the biggest hoochies.
Dough Boy observing from across the street: He still aint fucked her yet.
Tre: Well I've been busy.
Brandi: What did I do Tre, what did I do to you that was so bad that you stop talking to me?
Tre: See you know what you did, see you gotta get with the program.
Brandi: I told you about that, I'm Catholic and it goes against my morals.
Tre: Catholic girls are supposed to be some of the biggest hoochies.
Dough Boy observing from across the street: He still aint fucked her yet.
I'm baaaaack!! And I brought some chit with me this time. OMG! I really expect to get some interesting comments on this one. Ok, so some of you women have men that don't have issues with your male friends. Cool. And some of you don't have men that have issues with you making more money or some of you don't even make more money than your man. I understand. The last couple posts may not have applied to everyone. But this week, I guarantee, I mean I bet my right arm that this week's question that was asked to me applies to every woman that has been in a relationship. Yes, even the fake relationships that we don't really know what they are (future post btw). Lol.
I was asked, is there really a hidden rule on how early a woman should/shouldn't have sex with a guy she's hanging with? Listen ladies and gentlemen, NO BOOM BOOM TIL YOU JUMP THE BROOM! Yeah right, not these days. Not judging, but no sex before marriage went out the window a long time ago. Don't kill me, I don't make the news, I just tell it.
I was asked, is there really a hidden rule on how early a woman should/shouldn't have sex with a guy she's hanging with? Listen ladies and gentlemen, NO BOOM BOOM TIL YOU JUMP THE BROOM! Yeah right, not these days. Not judging, but no sex before marriage went out the window a long time ago. Don't kill me, I don't make the news, I just tell it.
But to answer the question, no, there isn't a rule, most guys don't care and don't know what to think. First of all, in the beginning if we are attracted to you, 75% of it is sexually, so of course we want it. We've probably imagined you naked already with sexual positions based on your body type to follow. So sex, yeah, sooner the better. Depending on the guy, he may have considered the female as a possible girlfriend or wife candidate. Big deal, he still wants to smash asap. But guess what ladies, you are in the driver's seat. So in making your decision on when you should share the love box, know that it depends on what the woman wants. What are her plans for this guy? Does she have any plans? Is she like the guy where she definitely knows off top that she wants to get it in?
It doesn't really matter how soon a woman has sex with the guy, but it is important that the woman carries herself how she wants to be treated. True, some guys will call you a smutt if you do it too early. Yes this does increase the chance of all his friends thinking you have no morals. But honestly, the sex act doesn't completely define the woman's character, and her job is to make sure that it remains that way. The reason for this is simple, here are the scenarios: typically, u give up the goods too early, you're a slore, you're too easy and anyone can have you. That's society's perception. Its hard for a guy to really believe that you like him when you let him pipe without him knowing you truly know or like him. The chance of sending the wrong message are heightened. But on the flipside, you wait too long you have to deal with some issues as well. You put pressure on yourself because if you really want this guy, you have to keep him interested. How does a woman do that without being somewhat intimate. I mean how long are you going to play the kissing game. You can only karate chop his hands for so long. The pressure will mount. Ultimately, you may have to worry about him getting some from elsewhere or him deciding that he doesn't want to wait and he just leaves. I know women that are fine with any scenario. There are women that don't care what people think, those that have their beliefs and don't break them for no one, and those that just do what is natural. That's why its important that whatever decision a woman makes, the man has to understand the type of woman he's dealing with.
If this guy really likes the woman and he decides that he wants to be with her on a "serious" level, the woman has to convince him that she is trustworthy, respectful, about her business and honest. The woman has to make it her mission to disspell the myth about her sleeping with the guy early. Waiting for the woman can work out if the guy is a good dude and the woman has convinced him that he will be rewarded for his patience.
Men don't necessarily deal with this problem, but my advice to a woman would be to not worry about the when she does it and definitely don't put a clock on it. Do what's natural. Live your life, if you want to turn him out the first night you go out, do it....if you want to wait till you're in the mood, by all means, WAIT! One issue is that some women want to keep their "number" down, which I can understand. This guy may not be worth another number. The statistics say he will be another number. Basically if its meant to be, it will happen. Make sure you're responsible and respectful of yourself and you will know what works best for you.
PS. Ladies if your sex is wack, you read all of this for no reason! He will not want you whether you did it early or late.
Posts
You're so mean! Thanks for that...I always wondered ;)
ReplyDeleteBut I do believe how you carry yourself goes a long way. Unless he is just one of those guys who wants a modern day Mary. In that case his views are most likely unrealistic anyway and nothing you do will ever be good enough! I don't know where that came from..over-active imagination I guess lol.
D*S*I*
Hmmm... I agree with your estimation. It's all about how you carry yourself. It's really a case-by-case situation, some men can prove themselves worthy of the goods after a few dates and some may take longer, but ultimately if you carry yourself like a "slore" you'll be treated like one.
ReplyDeleteNow my question is what makes a woman's sex wack???
hahahaha get my only question is what if u do like him and u wait and everything and then your sex IS wack? lmao then u got another notch for no reason and any guy who likes a girl and decides not to mess with her because her sex is wack is lame....hello y not take the time to teach her? maybe she will turn out to be what most guys dream about a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets....
ReplyDeletea wack dude makes a woman's sex wack...u dont like how she moves? then take over...better yet if u wanna keep her take some time and TEACH HER duhh! What u think we women do when your pipe game or tounge game is not up to par. we say "do this....do that...stay there just like that" LMAO
ReplyDeleteGood to see that everyone's anonymous, lol. Lets see if I can properly respond to these hilarious comments. From what I hear, there is Universal wack and relative wack.
ReplyDeleteUniversal wack is no man likes your stuff, you should switch to women. Dry, unenthusiastic, immobile, overly animated, no rhythm. Relative wack, you have a chance, too agressive, not aggressive enough for example, no rhythm, too much rhythm (you trying to live out your Patra-romantic call dreams), these things can be worked on or taught because its strictly based on your counterparts opinion. Unless there are other issues and he's using wack buns as an excuse.
If the guy is wack, blame yourself, you dont have the eye. Work on your eye.
There is no definitive time as to when to have sex, its all based on the people involved. IMO, if you wait until you are comfortable with the person, once you do decide to take the relationship to the next phase, if their game is wack, you would be more inclined to help them out and that makes it better for all. If you do it too soon, you might never call the person again just based on that.
ReplyDeleteHeck yea anonymous. We talking about sex lol! I wanted to say if someone, a guy, knows all he wants is sex he'll probably play any role he has to until he gets it. So it better be something you were ready to do.
ReplyDeleteD*S*I*
Seems everyone is concentrating on the sex being wack but I believe the real question was when is the right time to have sex. Basically if a man gets it quick he's a stud or playboy. If a woman gives it up early she is considered a slore. That's just the way society looks at this man woman sex thang. I don't make the rules but thats what it is. So woman, if u want a dude to stick around for half a second. Keep your legs closed!
ReplyDeleteI agree with A.M. to a degree. Keeping your legs close will make me stick around for a moment, but keeping your legs closed because you work on a clock, will make me smash and dash out of spite. Chris Rock said it best, "I'll kiss him on the 3rd date, suck his d**k after the first month, suck his balls in 6 weeks" If you're "one of those" your a** is grass. That's like universal man law. We hate y'all. But the question is how soon is soon. As mature adults time shouldn't be an issue. Women want d**k just as much as men want pu**y and yes, women have to abide by a different standard and the whole double edge sword ish, but if you feeling the dude and wanna smash, go for it. Women boast about their innate "female intuition" and ish, drop that and use what many don't use or don't have, COMMON SENSE. Besides, most of y'all "intuition" is broken. Side note: I'm not training a chic who is wack in bed. Sex is like dancing, either you can or can't. Nothing worse than getting the run around for the buns then you get it and that ish is horrible. Watch a porno.
ReplyDeleteInteresting Dennis.
ReplyDeleteSW you are too much but all of that is crap. None of what you just wrote matters because there just aren't many guys out there that actually: 1. want to be in a relationship that is going anywhere, 2. have the financial ability to take care of someone and start a family, and 3. actually know how to treat someone with Tender love and Care. operative word being Tender. The sad fact is that so many of these guys have had terrible mothers and/or relationships with females and even if he wants all of those things and may Appear capable, he actually thinks that it should be easy for him.
ReplyDeleteGuys take advantage of the fact that they know there are not that many nice guys out there and think you should lower your standards. Their mentality starts to be "Well, if you don't like me, see how the recently released slash [insert whatever other shameless demographic here, i.e. deadbeat dad with 3 other kids, alcoholic, it goes on and on] treats you!" Sometimes you think it is going to work, and the guy can be alright (within your realm of expectation) and then he is scared of success, (bewildered face), or committment, or Whatever... (starts calling you too clingy..) You are forced to ask yourself, and them for that matter, but really where did you think this was going? How old are you? Do guys really want to be 30 and 40 running after toddlers? Because women don't. God didn't even make our bodies that way. There is a reason 20 year olds that have children "bounce back" and 30 year olds sometimes never recover from the baby fat. I dont care how much you exercise, it is not the same. Guys need to get it together period. And women need to realize that that whole independent chick phenomenon is G! Get real, I dont care if I do have a job, yes you should be able to take care of me. It doesnt mean you have to pay for everything, but Yes, you should feel like that is the expectation. Don't look at me if I lose my job or am 8 months pregnant and bills need to get paid like, "what happened?, I thought you Had this." So yes, it's up to the women when to have sex, but really, a lot of these guys aren't even worth it in the first place because they want the benefits of sex without the burden or responsibility of caring for someone. Nothing in this world is Free!
Many of you are responding under the cloak of anonymity so this lovely monologue goes out to "Anonymous" who posted @11:56am. (ahem) In the lovely words of Laurence Fishburne's character in the Spike Lee classic, "School Daze", WAAAAAKE UUUUUP!!!! You go to be kidding me. Obviously you are a scorned women, if not forgive me, but your rant points to yes. Your 3 points are opinion and not fact, nevertheless I respect your opinion. There is a lot of finger pointing going on, but when you point your finger there are 3 fingers pointing right back at you. Point being, no pun intended, maybe you need to look at yourself and see what your hang ups are before you go on a "all men aint ish" rampage. Now, I agree many men don't know how to treat women and this may come from poor rearing or any host of child hood issues, but if you carry yourself with respect and demand it you will get it. And, yes we (guys who are great on paper to women: Degree, no kids, apt, car, no baggage etc) sometime play the "minority" card because women praise the "successful type" and yes, its bullshit, but you get back what you put out. Some women flaunt their breast or other assets, and being a breast man, when I have a conversation with your t*ts and not your face, don't be mad at me. Carry yourself with respect and you get it. As far as men not being financially able to start and maintain a family, get your head out of the clouds. I thought this is why women went to college and get 14 degrees, to be independent blah blah blah. Any relationship is a partnership 50/50, period. I'm suppose to bust my hump to support the family and you sit back and get caked up? Beat it! When planning a family WE should prepare for you being out, I shouldn't have to get a night job, just because you THINK your the Queen of Sheeba and should be waited on. You can "expect" me to pay for everything, but you better keep your wallet on deck when we go out, cause I have no problem walking out or get ready to bust some suds in the kitchen. Damn right the p***y aint free, but being with me is as much as a priveledge as you THINK being with you is.
ReplyDeleteDamn Dennis, well put....anonymous before him, you do sound a lil scorned, sorry. But I wont beat a dead horse...good dialogue guys. This is what I want. This is what is needed for us to progress in any aspect of life.
ReplyDeleteTO go the extra mile and add a number or not.....the fork in the road that many women come to when dating a guy they really like or think they like. When you meet somebody it is based on physical attraction, females I know are not looking at a guy they meet for the first time like ooh he is cute he could be husband material, no its ooh it look good, he could possibly get it, and see where it goes from there....depending on if there looking for a relationship or just some fun....lol
ReplyDeleteYour topics are good Esteban...
Its entirely up to that female, and depends on the maturity level of them both, can she take it their with him and wake up the next day with no regrets, and can he handle it and not judge her. Especially if its somebody who you think you may want to commit with, your gona wana know if you have sexual chemistry.
Now on to the chicks with wack sex comment, it goes the same way for a man, you don't know how good his pipe game may or may not be, and if you are really digging that person then it may be fun or a turn on to guide them, but everybody doesn't have patience for that. Its the same with size, a guy could look good, have a nice frame, tall, smart etc etc what your looking for, and you get to the bedroom and bam, his pipe look like it needs an extension!!!! lol
TO go the extra mile and add a number or not.....the fork in the road that many women come to when dating a guy they really like or think they like. When you meet somebody it is based on physical attraction, females I know are not looking at a guy they meet for the first time like ooh he is cute he could be husband material, no its ooh it look good, he could possibly get it, and see where it goes from there....depending on if there looking for a relationship or just some fun....lol
ReplyDeleteYour topics are good Esteban...
Its entirely up to that female, and depends on the maturity level of them both, can she take it their with him and wake up the next day with no regrets, and can he handle it and not judge her. Especially if its somebody who you think you may want to commit with, your gona wana know if you have sexual chemistry.
Now on to the chicks with wack sex comment, it goes the same way for a man, you don't know how good his pipe game may or may not be, and if you are really digging that person then it may be fun or a turn on to guide them, but everybody doesn't have patience for that. Its the same with size, a guy could look good, have a nice frame, tall, smart etc etc what your looking for, and you get to the bedroom and bam, his pipe look like it needs an extension!!!! lol
Smiling mad hard! ... In reality the time of the post is noted after .. so I'll just call myself Anon[11:56] even though I was really 9:06. Your reply to my comment is funnier given my cloaking was purely for SW's benefit. Eh.. scorned, I'm not sure I would say I am scorned because it has a negative connotation to it that implies that I am harboring excess baggage that prevents me from appropriately moving upward and onward in life. In actuality I think I just have real life experience and use it to guide my future choices. [Point dually noted that you both considered I might not be but felt I sounded so. Again I think it was more because I wanted to bring another point of view to SW's perspective.]
ReplyDeleteI venture even farther to ask you two, Dennis and SW respectively, when you think of the pool of men you are in, do you realize that you are pretty much cream of the crop as far as Black men go? And, [SW] do you actually believe that you have reached your full potential in life and are actualizing your ideal self? It is so much easier for you to make these judgments as if there is some higher plateau to be reached and a full gamut of choices for Black women but there aren't. If you leave pretty much New York, but I’ll even go so far as to say the metropolitan areas across the country, the caliber of men that Black women are relegated to choose from is Sh*t, and in no way take that to mean that I am completely dogging Black men. The truth however remains that the fact that you have lived to your age, about 30 something I’m assuming, and have not been jailed, and do not have children makes u immediately a candidate for EVERY Black woman young and old alike.. wtf kinda competition is that and for You two? Those are some sorry @ss basic facts. That is already saying something that those MUST be any Black woman’s initial criteria just to begin. No not height, not weight, not looks, not balding, not bad breath, not disgusting feet, not poor bedside manner, not even money. Just to even get in the game and want something for yourself, you have to judge the pool within the pool. In any city smaller than NYC, you actually have to deal with a simple @ss country type person just from jump.
[my post was too long so.. contd]
ReplyDeleteOkay, so now that we have made it to the wading pool, what about all the fat ugly guys, just because they look good on paper, we are supposed to want them? I guess so. Not to mention the ones that are just abusive or controlling on GP. These are guys that even other guys don’t want to deal with. Dudes don’t want to be friends with some dude that’s trying to gorilla pimp them on some extortion bs.. and neither are chicks. Okay so now that we had whittled our way down to Dennis and SW, do you really think that you are god’s gift to women, no, I’m sure you have plenty of your own flaws and hang-ups. So really unless you are about to say that you have started some secret society of eligible bachelors and helped them get over all of their own issues and you’re running a membership one million strong, please don’t tell me you know how hard it is for Black women to find a guy.
Then once she does, Here is the sex issue. Back to the basics.. yea SW you didn’t make the rule, but it’s true, the whole culture is completely over sexualized and over drugged for that matter. The truth is, I think it’s important to show restraint in general. It is ridiculous to think that you can be so out of control that you cannot think past the bedroom anyway. In my opinion females especially but people in general should stop trying to meet people in a club and or while intoxicated. Try out going to the museum, or ice skating, or go volunteer together for NYC cares, go clean a garden for a date. THERE aRe dates that DON’T lead to sex. If anyone freaking Gave a Sh*t about getting to know someone and their ideals in life, half of the people wouldn’t get together anyway. Matter of fact, I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation anymore lol.. I don’t really care and I don’t have a problem getting guys to talk to me and respect me. Matter of fact, I have a harder time staying single. Shrugs.. hey to each his own, #imjustsayin!
Well Anon[11:56]if you want to remain a mystery woman that is your prerogative whether it be for SW's benefit or your own. First off, thank you for being mature and not lashing back. SW created this blog to open the floor so we can learn from each other. Besides, I'm reading "The Shack" and I have too much "love" in my heart to engage in "blog beef" lol. Now, let me answer some of your questions directed directly at both SW and I although I will only speak for moi except for this one question. "Dennis and SW, do you really think that you are god’s gift to women?" You answered, "no" and yes I can speak for SW and I when I say, we don't think we are God's gift to women. Being that Mr. SW and I have managed to keep our nose clean in our 30+ years and as unfortunate as it sounds, take the road less traveled for Black men (college, free of jail records, free of drugs, disease and no/and or multiple baby mama's), this "clean record" makes us more attractive to women who want the blemish free dude. God's gift no. Every woman's wish? Yes. And please, I am not arrogant or conceited in the least when I say that, but poll single Black woman and these are the qualities they look for in a man, Black, White, Latin, Asian or Native American. Fair statement? I think. Do I know how hard it is for a Black women to get a man. I absolutely do. I know half of us are in jail, and the other half can be cut up in many pieces: the "non educated", the baby making factory, the drug dealer, the unemployed, the gay and any other combination of the aformentioned. Then you have the official card carrying "hunk" who only dates the pink toes. So yes, I know and believe it or not, I sympathize with Black women. Being that you apparently have no problem getting a man, you can stop reading here, bye Anon [11:56](waving). For the woman who don't have the formula for man snagging that Anon[11:56]has, you should try to see the forest and not just the trees. Many, not all, see what's wrong in a man and immediately discount him before seeing what is right with him. I for one, don't go to clubs and definitely don't go for the drunk chic and as a Big Brothers of America's mentor and volunteer, I take dates to museums, ice skating, pottery classes etc. So ladies, remember the the glass is half full not half empty.
ReplyDelete[anon11:56] Heyyyy dennis.. imissed this.. lol.. Lets be friends.. #truce!
ReplyDelete"You held out for 2 weeks, much longer than these hoodrats" Esco (LOL). dats da type of clock I be workin on). After a month, if we been hangin out and talkin/textin consistently den i'm slightly ANNOYED. But I won't dis you or show too many signs of annoyance, but you will most likely be put on "Pause" for a while. After a brief period of timeout for YOU, We can reconvene and see if you've come around. If not, we will just continue this cycle over the months or years, off and on until one day you finally see things my way. In the meantime, I will most likely continue to knock down the easy targets, which will give me the strength to put up wit your bullshit without bein upset or thirsty. Ultimately 99.9 percent of you will end up in the same Boat. Another name on "the list" who we will remain cool wit and fuc occasionally. And through that interaction, we become "Friends". You don't hate me, I don't hate you. We hang out sometimes,laugh,complain and enjoy our moments. And while this is goin on, I may also be tryin to bang ya friends because they're cute,and thick and full of vigor as well. LOL
ReplyDelete[anon11:56] Twooo weekksss? Smmfh! eyes downcast.. shameful oh!face... my dude, that's not even safe. She could have something.. or worse, be crazy and stalk you. Seriously, no seriously, raise that time frame a little bit. like [_] this much.. okay nah like [_________] this much!You are having wayyyy too much sex!
ReplyDelete