Let’s not get it twisted; the movie wasn’t a total disaster. There were some positives. I came away with some very interesting topics to share on www.andshewonderswhy.blogspot.com. My $12.50 ends up not being a waste.
In the movie, Jill Scott’s character is put in a compromising position. She has an ex-husband/ old friend who needs help and a new husband that already said he does not like the ex-husband.
This reminds me of a question someone asked me a couple years ago that will be a debateable topic for years to come: Would male friends my woman has known before me bother me? And what about ones met after we're together? Well the first thing that comes to mind is trust. The second thing is respect. These two things work hand in hand. Before I answer the question, I must say that both the male and the female of the relationship have to be realistic in their perception of each other when dealing with friends or strangers. If the woman is attractive, outgoing, kind and flirtatious, the man has to understand that men will naturally flock to his girl. The man has to know if his girl has that "ora", you know, that orange glow. If he doesn't, women get the bail money ready....there's gonna be a lot of brawls. Now the woman has a responsibility as well. Not only does the woman have to know her man's temperament, she too has to know that she has that glow. This is when that "r" word comes into play. Since both parties understand that men will approach, the woman has to show respect and (1) not lead men on and (2) not do anything outside of her ora to draw men. The man has to trust, uh oh, there's that "t" word. The man has to trust his woman and allow her to do her job. Wow, see the teamwork, this can be beautiful when executed correctly, there might just be a chance of decent relationships after all.
Now to answer the question, both situations can be bothersome if handled incorrectly and negligible if handled correctly. From my point of view, the answer is simple. The men my woman knows before we're together, I have no problem with that. You can't avoid that. It happens. I'm hoping you were a nice enough person that you made friends before you knew me. I just don't want to be surpised. Communicate with me. Call me the old man that dies at his 80th birthday surprise party. I hate surprises. Some of my ghetto psychiatrist friends will say that's because I have control issues, whatever that means. But anyway, give me a brief history of the relationship so I understand the nature of the relationship and the behavior of the two when around each other. Whether you guys had a one night stand, blind date, he always wanted you but you put him in friend zone, he was your first but it was wack or if you grew up together and he's simply your "homeboy". (Oh yeah, I don't know about other guys, but choose another word. Sounds a little suspect. I've been the "oh, that's just my homeboy" before.) Hopefully with this information, preferably ahead of time and not within 24 hours of me first meeting the guy, my "level of botheredness" will remain low.
Now because of this damn ora, guys met after we're together can and will happen, but it has to be kept to a minimum or I will begin to be OJ bothered. I don't care how many times I hear "I don't rock with too many females; girls are jealous", you won't be rocking with too many males either. There is no such thing as a platonic relationship. I repeat, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP" (I can explain another time). I don't trust guys and I don't like them, and every male should feel this way. (At least he should if he wants to keep his girl). And ladies its not an insecurity. I grew up around lycans, so I know how they operate. If I have anything to do about it, they wont get a chance to strike. Women should understand this, my woman will. Therefore the woman should make sure I know every new male friend and the relationship should be very limited. If my woman is really "my woman", I will be able to TRUST that she will RESPECT my position. And before you ask, yes, I will try to return the favor, lol.
In the movie, Jill Scott’s character is put in a compromising position. She has an ex-husband/ old friend who needs help and a new husband that already said he does not like the ex-husband.
This reminds me of a question someone asked me a couple years ago that will be a debateable topic for years to come: Would male friends my woman has known before me bother me? And what about ones met after we're together? Well the first thing that comes to mind is trust. The second thing is respect. These two things work hand in hand. Before I answer the question, I must say that both the male and the female of the relationship have to be realistic in their perception of each other when dealing with friends or strangers. If the woman is attractive, outgoing, kind and flirtatious, the man has to understand that men will naturally flock to his girl. The man has to know if his girl has that "ora", you know, that orange glow. If he doesn't, women get the bail money ready....there's gonna be a lot of brawls. Now the woman has a responsibility as well. Not only does the woman have to know her man's temperament, she too has to know that she has that glow. This is when that "r" word comes into play. Since both parties understand that men will approach, the woman has to show respect and (1) not lead men on and (2) not do anything outside of her ora to draw men. The man has to trust, uh oh, there's that "t" word. The man has to trust his woman and allow her to do her job. Wow, see the teamwork, this can be beautiful when executed correctly, there might just be a chance of decent relationships after all.
Now to answer the question, both situations can be bothersome if handled incorrectly and negligible if handled correctly. From my point of view, the answer is simple. The men my woman knows before we're together, I have no problem with that. You can't avoid that. It happens. I'm hoping you were a nice enough person that you made friends before you knew me. I just don't want to be surpised. Communicate with me. Call me the old man that dies at his 80th birthday surprise party. I hate surprises. Some of my ghetto psychiatrist friends will say that's because I have control issues, whatever that means. But anyway, give me a brief history of the relationship so I understand the nature of the relationship and the behavior of the two when around each other. Whether you guys had a one night stand, blind date, he always wanted you but you put him in friend zone, he was your first but it was wack or if you grew up together and he's simply your "homeboy". (Oh yeah, I don't know about other guys, but choose another word. Sounds a little suspect. I've been the "oh, that's just my homeboy" before.) Hopefully with this information, preferably ahead of time and not within 24 hours of me first meeting the guy, my "level of botheredness" will remain low.
Now because of this damn ora, guys met after we're together can and will happen, but it has to be kept to a minimum or I will begin to be OJ bothered. I don't care how many times I hear "I don't rock with too many females; girls are jealous", you won't be rocking with too many males either. There is no such thing as a platonic relationship. I repeat, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP" (I can explain another time). I don't trust guys and I don't like them, and every male should feel this way. (At least he should if he wants to keep his girl). And ladies its not an insecurity. I grew up around lycans, so I know how they operate. If I have anything to do about it, they wont get a chance to strike. Women should understand this, my woman will. Therefore the woman should make sure I know every new male friend and the relationship should be very limited. If my woman is really "my woman", I will be able to TRUST that she will RESPECT my position. And before you ask, yes, I will try to return the favor, lol.
Posts
II agree with most of what you said. Friends should always be accounted for in the beginning along with the nature of the relationship. There should NO new friends from the time you begin a relationship as that means the Guy was in the same position as me vying for the woman's attention an lost out he's no friend. Moat dudes who claim to be friends are waiting for their shot but to me are no threat BC if your girls official a threat as too many other options to wait around.lastly ur right people have to know what attracted them to someone is going to be just as attractive to 100 others. That goes for woman to
ReplyDeleteIf ur Guy is fly and a keeper he's naturally going to draw attention deal with it
If there's no trust there's nothing
OMG, I can not count the number of platonic male friends!!! I have a lot. So platonic I have slept next to them in the same bed (fully clothed of course) and nothing has happened. I met a lot of them in college and have known them for YEARS. I would give them a kidney if they needed one. I feel you on the meeting new friends while in a relationship but the old ones are off limits!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the open communication and letting me know who this person is and the relationship you have. It defeats mistrust before it has a chance. Some men need to know how to express this clearly and some women need to know not to pacify a mans thoughts about this as men are much more sensitive than most would have us believe. I do disagree w/platonic relationships...heck ES...we have one!
ReplyDeleteAs far as my lady goes and her old male friends, that cool with me. She had a life before me and will after. New guy friends is tricky though. As much as you want to be mature and trust your girl, as a guy, I know no man is looking for a female "friend." He is looking to get with, smash, wife up or something out of the realm of plutonic friends. No guys goes to a girl and says, "you like shopping? me too!! lets be bff's" If he does, he probably has a boyfriend and in that case you don't have to worry. I have girlfriends who became my friend or associate organically ie: we know the same people yadda yadda yadda, but if your girl has that "Leroy Glow" when a dude is tryin to holla, he's tryin to holla and that ain't going down on my watch.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, in college I roomed with six dudes...ALL PLATONIC!!! It was for about a month, but I was there..To this day, when a tell the story to new person I am dating, I can see the wheels moving in his head and his resistance to fight the urge to not shout out Bull Sh!t in my face. I honestly don't think they believe me until they meet them Just like women are a good gauge as to if your HOMEGIRL may wanna get it in with you, I think your dude can read another dude out as well.
ReplyDelete