From Karrine Steffans to Edie Falco?

I’m sorry but that’s the best title I could come up with. “Superhead to Claire” sounded cool, but it didn’t move me. My original title was ‘From Hoes to Housewives.’ My brother told me that was a little too vulgar, so I decided to fall back. But I refuse to fall back on the topic. By now, I hope you’ve guessed the subject matter. And if you know like I know, it’s a very dynamic subject. Its so many directions I can go with this.

First and foremost, although I know I’m going to be judged, I want everyone to know that I am not Captain Save-A-Hoe. But with that said, don’t whores need love too? Most will say they don’t. Hussies have been dividing the female race for ions. And for that reason, there are “good” women out there that believe they don’t deserve love. The more prestigious class of women despises these women because they give good women bad names. These floozies make it difficult for good women to dress sexy or provocative without being misjudged. Wives have to fight everyday to prove their love to their husbands because of these courtesans. There are men out there that believe harlots should not get anything but hard $*@& and bubble gum. Jezebels have been around causing rifts since BC. Some would say they need to be purged like my college courses when Howard University realized the scholarship didn’t come through. Unfortunately, I don’t think they are going anywhere, so hopefully the whore haters have learned to live amongst them.

What’s sad is that there is a double standard. Men will never get such a bad rap. As adolescents, men and women were raised differently when it came to matters of sex. If you’re a boy, you’re basically pressured to have sex as soon as possible. Teenage boys are constantly taunted by male adults for the purpose of joining the “getting your nuts out of the sand” brotherhood. It may not be blatant, but it’s definitely insinuated to some extent. If a boy hasn’t had sex by the time most of his friends have, the thoughts are “he either doesn’t like girls”, “he has no game”, or “he’s just wack.” No father or uncle is accepting of either of those options. Boys even receive congratulatory remarks by women if they can get a lot of girls or have a lot of girls that are attracted to them.

For girls, the situation is almost the complete opposite. Some females aren’t allowed to have a date before college. So sex is definitely out of the question. And don’t let it be known to the family that a girl has had sex, its news like a governor getting caught with a prostitute. A girl’s promiscuous ways will NEVER be excused. “How did this happen?” “This cannot happen again.” I’ve heard of mothers learning that their daughter had sex and vowed with the daughter not to ever tell the father. Talk about secrets.

Promiscuous behavior by women was unacceptable while they were teens, but how is it for them as adults? Well they still are frowned upon as stated earlier, but since they obviously don’t have a hard time getting a man to have sex with them, they must be doing fairly well. Is it difficult for them to have a committed relationship with men? One would think so, but I don’t. Even if they are honest about their background, if presented the right way, I still believe they can bag a great man. Look at the movie “Pretty Girl,” I’m sure this storyline is typical. Google Darius McCrary and I bet Superhead comes up. For those of you that don’t know, Darius aka Eddie Winslow married Karrine Steffans. Talented she is, but her track record is far from impressive. I don’t know if young Winslow is a great guy, but I would bet my left hand that he knows of Superhead. Knowing this, he still allowed himself to fall under her spell. I would believe there are more Eddie Winslows and more Superheads roaming the dating world.

Unfortunately, all bizzas won’t have the same luck as Best Selling Author Karrine Steffans (can’t believe ya’ll bought her book). I saw some footage (so what, I downloaded it for free), and I’m sorry, but all whores can’t be that talented. Back in the day, if someone had a bad reputation, they would simply relocate. The internet has “deaded” that option. A reputation will follow a person as if they were on twitter. Personally, I don’t think they should run from their history. Someone’s past does not necessarily define their future. Although a whore’s rap sheet may be a little nasty, it does not determine her character. Like I previously stated, I am not Captain Save-A-Hoe, but they do exist. There is someone for everyone. If a whore is blessed enough to find herself a good man, she should consider that as her second chance. Even after being disappointed by Ginger in the movie “Casino,” I’m still cheering for you guys. But please don’t let me down like Lebron did Cleveland. Take your talents to a good guy, but remember, the whoring has to stop!

By the way, there is no nice way to say whore, harlot, floozy, hussy, hoe, bizza, or courtesan. Trust me, I tried.

Andshewonderswhy Presents "The Ideal Black Man"

The Ideal Black Man... Who is he? Do you know him? Where can you find him? Come join us as we discuss this trendy topic in the black dating world.

Monday, November 29 · 6:30pm - 9:00pm

6:30pm - Mix & Mingle w/ $5 beer and $7 cocktail drink specials

7:15pm - Panel Discussion. There will be debate, laughter, networking and more drinks! All a combination for a good time.

Dress to impress. This will be a filmed event.

Fashion Forty Lounge
202 West 40th Street Between 7th and 8th Ave.
New York, NY

This Commitment Thing May Not Be So Bad

Yesterday’s, today’s, and tomorrow’s elephant in the room is the Open Relationship. So many people are against it, yet these are the same people that are participants. It’s like the guy that says he’s not a blogger and then he looks up and he’s submitted 31 blog posts. Go figure.

Open Relationships. For some reason these words are really bad words to people. They rather say “oh, I’m talking to one or twenty people.” Let’s stop kidding ourselves; most of us are single and dating. Majority of those people dating are having sex with more than one person. I’m assuming more males than females but you know what they say when you assume. Even still, we know that people are having sex. Birth control pills, condoms and clinics all went multi-platinum. So you have a choice. Define what your doing or not. If you don't, I will. Or wikipedia will.

Wikipedia defines an open relationship as a relationship in which the people involved agree that they want to be together, but in which romantic or sexual relationships with additional people are accepted, permitted or tolerated. The Open Relationship happens to have a broad umbrella. If you’re a picky person like me, you have options. The Open Relationship menu actually may fit your particular need if you’re considering it.

Polygamy: marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time.

Polygyny: where a man has multiple, simultaneous wives.

Polyandry: where a woman has multiple, simultaneous husbands, or a "group marriage" where the family unit consists of multiple husbands and multiple wives.

Polyfidelity: relationships that place strict restrictions on partners.

Swinging: relationships permit sex outside the primary relationship, but not love or behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other people, sometimes referred to as recreational or social sex.

Polymory: the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

See, I told you that you could tailor this thing to fit you. And most people do. I read somewhere that there were an estimated more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States. Now if that survey is performed the same way the census is performed, that number is really like 1,500,000. Haven’t decided if that is scary or not.

Structure in an Open Relationship sounds like honor amongst thieves. It makes no sense. It’s almost like there are by-laws. You mean to tell me I have to be committed to being uncommitted to a commitment. Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee did it. The mayor? “Mayor aint never hurt nobody,” it must be ok right? But after experimenting with the concept and even abiding by the rules, they decided to stop.

The only thing good about an Open Relationship is there should be no pressure to have honest communication. Jason says, “babe, I can’t talk right now, I’m with Tameka. She’s spending the night. I will get up with you tomorrow.” Michelle replies “ok, cool. I will go chill with Robert. Hit me in the afternoon, you know Rob and I usually go to brunch when he comes through.” Who says commitments are not made?

To me, an Open Relationship is not a relationship. You are either in a relationship or you are not. The amount of arguments that will come from an Open Relationship will make Tina and Ike sad. No offense, but women are not built to handle these types of situations. We all know how this story ends. The woman loses every way possible. She may be allowed to spend time with other men, but the man she really wants is dividing his time. And since most men are biotches, they will not totally approve of her sleeping with other men. This brings us to reality. The reality is that most of us who are single are in undefined Open Relationships. Women want to play. Men want to play. Women want to lock men down. Men want to lock women down. They can’t lock them down. They don’t want to be locked down. Women and men settle for the undefined Open Relationship until they get bored and they want more. They get tired of playing the game. They get tired of wondering if they are owed more. They get mad because they are not given more. If you are at this point this could be a good thing. As a matter of fact, its never a bad thing.

Always on My Job

During a regular week, working accounts for at least one-third of the time spent not sleeping. In other words, that's a lot of damn working. Someone please Google the man who invented work. I need to know if this is what he envisioned. I think I should move to Europe. I mean, who really wants to work. So while some of us complain about this somewhat necessary evil, others are making lemonade out of lemons. Depending on where you work, your second home has potential for more benefits than Aetna could ever offer.

Fellas, lets reminisce for a moment. Ladies you can join if it applies, if not, just pretend it does. Remember those first days of class at high school and/ or college. While your parents were asking you about the teacher, books, class size and subject matter, your boys were inquiring about the females in class. Ladies I'm sure some of you conversed about the boys in class. Some were lucky enough to be blessed with a plethora of the attractive women. For me, it was always slim pickings, so whenever there was one, I acted accordingly. A cute girl was always motivation to not get kicked out of chemistry class. Damn, those were the days.

After hitting the wrong button on the hot tub time machine, we find ourselves at work. Some people love their job, and others hate theirs. Chitty job or not, every man creates a scouting report for the talent at the workplace. How else are we supposed to get through the day? Fortunately for women (and men), men (and women) are required to keep these thoughts to themselves. The laws of the land don’t allow men (and women) to be as perverse and obnoxious as some of them would be at a lounge or in the streets. *in my best mob boss voice* “It’s just not good for business.” So compliments, flirting and staring have to be kept to a respectful minimum. Fortunately like most laws, there is some bending. And both the male and female participate, literally and figuratively. And I’m all for it. As a matter of fact, I believe that the work setting is an ideal place to meet the opposite sex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an advocate for professionalism, productivity and efficiency. These things should come first. But when there’s a chance to play, put your sneakers on. I’ve heard plenty of women say they don't date co-workers. To that, I say “restrictions are made for people with lack of foresight.” Working with someone offers a unique opportunity to learn about them. This is a side of them that one is not afforded if they met them at any other place. There is a true side that will be seen. Some people are really passionate about what they do, and this passion will leave part of their character exposed. Even if they hate their job, part of their character is still exposed. Ladies if you pay attention, you will see if this guy is ambitious. Does he work well with others? Is he a “yes man?” Is he a leader or a follower? Does he take pride in what he does? Is he punctual? No matter if you conceal or reveal your intentions, he still has to be himself because he has to perform his work duties efficiently if he wants to continue receiving a pay check. If the stars are aligned, there is a chance to have romance and finance in the same place. Lunch breaks and after work events present opportunities to explore romantic possibilities. If both parties remain professional and act as adults, even if the relationship does not materialize, it was worth the risk. Ladies, I’m not ignoring the fact that some of you and some of us are crazy and a bad ending could be disastrous. A bad ending is possible anywhere, but since it’s at work, maybe that will encourage you to make better choices on the men you choose. But don’t totally dismiss the idea.

My final words are stay professional, stay out of sight of cameras, keep him a secret lover until he is an “official” lover, and make sure you clean up after yourselves. Peace.

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Switch! Not!

After recently watching the movie Casablanca for the first time, I have one word to describe it. Classic! If you’ve never seen Casablanca, make sure you go check it. I forgot that Humphrey Bogart starred in the film. Although he’s a sucker for love to an extent, he plays one of the smoothest characters ever in a movie. Made me want to go shopping for a white blazer, read some of my old Iceberg Slim books and call a girl I have no chance with. Talk about inspiration. Bogart’s character Rick is also all about business. So much that sometimes he’s considered cold-blooded with no scruples. He eventually shows he has some principles besides money and himself. At the end of the movie, he can easily steal a woman (woman that broke his heart) from her husband, but he decides to let the husband keep her. We can all hypothesize on why he let her go. In the movie Rick told Ilsa, that he was doing it for her own good. Some will say he could never trust her. Whether it's true or not, that's what this post is about. Someone asked me years ago whether or not a guy can trust his girlfriend if he stole her from another guy. This sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.

My first answer is “HELL NO. Don’t do it homie.” This goes against all the player rules we learned as we grew up. But before I channel my inner A Pimp Named SlickBack, I reconsider. I reassess and realize that this is not a black and white issue. Lust or the opposite of it may be involved so shades of gray are definitely present. But to eliminate some of those shades, there are questions that must be answered. I don’t care if the guy gets Dick Tracy, Inspector Gadget and Roger Rabbit, he better get some answers if he doesn’t want to be a victim like scrams before him. If she wants to be trusted, she needs to either cooperate or put that move on him where he won’t care until it’s too late. But for discussion sake, let’s say she doesn’t possess that move and even if she did, we are not dealing with a square that will let his thoughts be clouded. These are the type of questions he needs answered. Is this act a habit? How was she stolen? How many times has she cheated? Does she appear to like the new guy more than the first guy or is this just a phase? How long have they known each other? How dishonest and what ways were she dishonest in past relationship? How was the past relationship? Was she dating OJ mixed with a little Chris Brown? Or was it a beautiful relationship and she just got bored? Was she compatible with her ex? What type of guy was the ex-boyfriend? What type of guy is new boyfriend? Does the new guy have similarities with ex? At what point in the relationship did she start cheating with the guy?

Yes, I know the list of questions is exhaustive, but it’s necessary like the security at the airport. And unless ALL answers are good, she shouldn’t be getting on his plane. We’ve all heard of warming signs and red flags in relationships. Wifing up the girl that was stolen from her ex-boyfriend falls in that category. Why would a guy drive himself crazy? I have yet to steal someone’s girl and wife her, but for the guy who has or will, I don’t know how he could be completely confident that he wont be the next victim unless he’s either naïve or arrogant. For the fellas who are considering this act, play at your own risk. And for the ladies, why leave your boyfriend, keep both guys. Noooooo, I’m only kidding, if you can, before you cheat, simply end the relationship. Everyone wins!