During a regular week, working accounts for at least one-third of the time spent not sleeping. In other words, that's a lot of damn working. Someone please Google the man who invented work. I need to know if this is what he envisioned. I think I should move to Europe. I mean, who really wants to work. So while some of us complain about this somewhat necessary evil, others are making lemonade out of lemons. Depending on where you work, your second home has potential for more benefits than Aetna could ever offer.
Fellas, lets reminisce for a moment. Ladies you can join if it applies, if not, just pretend it does. Remember those first days of class at high school and/ or college. While your parents were asking you about the teacher, books, class size and subject matter, your boys were inquiring about the females in class. Ladies I'm sure some of you conversed about the boys in class. Some were lucky enough to be blessed with a plethora of the attractive women. For me, it was always slim pickings, so whenever there was one, I acted accordingly. A cute girl was always motivation to not get kicked out of chemistry class. Damn, those were the days.
After hitting the wrong button on the hot tub time machine, we find ourselves at work. Some people love their job, and others hate theirs. Chitty job or not, every man creates a scouting report for the talent at the workplace. How else are we supposed to get through the day? Fortunately for women (and men), men (and women) are required to keep these thoughts to themselves. The laws of the land don’t allow men (and women) to be as perverse and obnoxious as some of them would be at a lounge or in the streets. *in my best mob boss voice* “It’s just not good for business.” So compliments, flirting and staring have to be kept to a respectful minimum. Fortunately like most laws, there is some bending. And both the male and female participate, literally and figuratively. And I’m all for it. As a matter of fact, I believe that the work setting is an ideal place to meet the opposite sex. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an advocate for professionalism, productivity and efficiency. These things should come first. But when there’s a chance to play, put your sneakers on. I’ve heard plenty of women say they don't date co-workers. To that, I say “restrictions are made for people with lack of foresight.” Working with someone offers a unique opportunity to learn about them. This is a side of them that one is not afforded if they met them at any other place. There is a true side that will be seen. Some people are really passionate about what they do, and this passion will leave part of their character exposed. Even if they hate their job, part of their character is still exposed. Ladies if you pay attention, you will see if this guy is ambitious. Does he work well with others? Is he a “yes man?” Is he a leader or a follower? Does he take pride in what he does? Is he punctual? No matter if you conceal or reveal your intentions, he still has to be himself because he has to perform his work duties efficiently if he wants to continue receiving a pay check. If the stars are aligned, there is a chance to have romance and finance in the same place. Lunch breaks and after work events present opportunities to explore romantic possibilities. If both parties remain professional and act as adults, even if the relationship does not materialize, it was worth the risk. Ladies, I’m not ignoring the fact that some of you and some of us are crazy and a bad ending could be disastrous. A bad ending is possible anywhere, but since it’s at work, maybe that will encourage you to make better choices on the men you choose. But don’t totally dismiss the idea.
My final words are stay professional, stay out of sight of cameras, keep him a secret lover until he is an “official” lover, and make sure you clean up after yourselves. Peace.
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Although I have been out of the “dating game” for quite some time, I do believe that dating a co-worker (or even someone that just works at the same place you do) is NOT a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, the points you made can be seen as definite positives, especially for a single women. I mean here is an opportunity for a female to see this prospective “Mate” at his peak performance (I mean let’s be real; at this stage in the game, no one is dating for fun anymore. The main goal for most 30 something females is to seek and find a mate). Yes, I agree that this is an opportunity to see how well he interacts with others, how well he handles adversity or just to see if he can truly hold down a job. But the draw backs in my opinion, truly out weight the benefits. You hear stories all the time about work romances that go terribly wrong. Just the other day I heard of an instance where the woman filed sexual harassment charges against the guy because according to the guy, he told her that he wasn’t ready for something serious. Who’s to know what really happened but why take that risk at work? Should two consenting adults who decided to pursue a relationship at work conduct themselves as adults? Absolutely! But we all know that when emotions and feelings come into play, all of that adult ISH can go right out the window. I’m all for eye candy at work. It certainly helps the day go by faster but let’s just leave it at that. Bottom line, don’t ish where you eat!
ReplyDelete"If both parties remain professional and act as adults, even if the relationship does not materialize, it was worth the risk. Ladies, I’m not ignoring the fact that some of you and some of us are crazy and a bad ending could be disastrous."
ReplyDeleteI dont date co-workers. However, I dated a manager at my previous job which was great because he was really attractive and I never met any opposition as far as scheduling/time off. *embarrassed smile*
Anyway, women are emotional. It'll be hard not to blush when my work boo walks in dressed especially nicely (like I'm not going to realize that he woke up a little earlier for this purpose). And it'll be hard not to smile when I smell that he's wearing a new cologne.
The problem with dating co-workers is when it ends. How do you deal with still seeing him everyday? When he's late to work one morning, will you wonder where he slept the night before? Or even worse, what if he moves on... to another co-worker? Yikes! Realistically, a woman cant move on to someone else at her place of employment, otherwise she'll be labled as the "Office Ho". Smh. Bad look ladies. Then when you settle down with someone outside of work, forget about bringing him to holiday parties or having him coming to drop you off lunch. My cheeks are burning already.
Furthermore, consider your reputation GENERALLY at work. What are your company's policies? Sex/Love is a distraction and good D and/or F is NOT worth putting your name or position in jepordy. Plus, c'mon, is this really going to be the man of your dreams? Probably not. He's attractive and you'll get a few nice dates before you realize that he's not the one. #wasteoftime
I'll pass;-) (but I keep my sneakers in my trunk just in case)
Es, from a man's perspective it'll be all good. But from a woman's perspective, its just too risky.
Interesting!
ReplyDeleteI’ve dated someone I worked with…it wasn’t bad at all…BUT that was high school and it was an after school/part-time job. Now at 31 as Shaniqua said, most aren’t dating at this age just to be dating. If we are dating just to have fun we certainly don’t want to have to face that person every day at work. Next thing you know you’re dodging the building café and taking the stairs 12 flights just to avoid running into “Dwayne”. God forbid you LIKE “Dwayne” and he’s moved on and is now dating “Jessica” on the 6th floor, OH LORD every morning, lunch time and night you are saying a silent prayer to make it to and from your desk without ANY sightings!
I like to observe my prey… umm I mean men. So yes, while working together is the ideal way to see what a person is really like, I’d rather not take the chance unless Jesus himself sent me an instant message and it popped up on my screen at work and it read ‘ “DWAYNE” is the one, go get your man!’ Otherwise … I’d probably pass, a punk?, yes I am!, but I believe true love figures out a way. So I’m not worried about missing my “Mr. Right”.
I’m not dating someone at my job but if I did, keeping it a secret isn’t a bad idea. But I like to LOVE out loud so I wouldn’t love that plan of action. Oh well.
I would imagine a man who’s just looking to “have fun dating” isn’t trying to date someone they work with, no matter how mature they both can be if it doesn’t work out. But if he’s looking for something serious he’d be less hesitant to date someone at work. But what do I know about what men think… that’s what I’m here for… b/c “I wonder why”….lol
Pabvon......
ReplyDeleteOut of all the random names out there in the world, you had to use "Dwayne"??
116, I'm gonna offer another perspective on this one - from personal experiences. I readily admit that, during the 5 or so years I worked at Cramton Auditorium (Howard U, for all my underpriveleged people!), I was on the prowl heavy! A wolf in sheep's clothing, and the numbers were definately in my favor. And I was all over the place - girls on the stage crew, ushers, front office, audience - and I did ok. But that was a different era, under much different circumstances. Fast forward to so-called Adulthood. I made the mistake of pursuing a girl based on how she got down at work. She was focused, had all her ducks lined up and standing at attention (salute!), commanded a fairly decent amount of respect from co-workers, myself included, and I became attracted to this. But, one thing I've learned is that because you got it together at the workplace, does NOT mean you got it together at home! In my 2 experiences ('cause, let's face it, us men have to learn shit the hard way sometimes), it was the total opposite. A virtual Twilight Zone episode, one I hadn't seen before. Situations that leave a dude standing in the middle of the room, bewildered, like, "what the f&%k is goin on??" Nevermind the potential shit storm that could develop at work should things not work out, there's major clean up to be done at the first site of impact, but the blast radius can be very wide indeed. The workplace become somewhat split, and people subconsciously (or consciously) begin to take sides. And both lives are put under magnifying glasses, and who wants to be placed under that level of scrutiny?? I digress....
Point is, there's a lot more to be considered when discussing this issue. Pabvon, you give men too much credit. We live in the now! We can know the pros and cons of dating for sport at the workplace, and, even if the cons are overwhelming, we'll still take a chance. It's like......social bad credit. We live it up, doin whateva. Then, sometime down the line, the bill comes, and a lot of us can't pay that shit! Insert headaches here.
@ my baby Samantha, hi baby xoxo I missed you
ReplyDelete@ my boo Pabvon, *wink*
@ Deez (salute)
and as not to leave anyone out, @ Shaniqua, hello dear, I'm The Mighty D.R.
Now that the formalities are out of the way, only men who are ninjas should date co-workers. Women are "emotional" (read: crazy) and when things go awry, watch out! If you are a ninja and can dodge the darts thrown at you post break up, slip past the eye rolls, and move stealthily throughout the work place go for it. I say go for it ONLY IF you have pure intentions. "Pure" meaning you just don't want to B&B (beat and bounce). If your intentions are NOT pure, and/or you are NOT a ninja DON'T DATE A CO-WORKER.
Relationships work and some relationships don't work. If you happen to start a relationship at work and it doesn't work, BOTH parties should be mature enough to move on, BUT women are "emotional" (Read: crazy) and many can't handle this. This brings me back to being a ninja. I made the mistake of smashing a "blond hair, blue eyed" (clutch your pearls) at a previous job and the next day, my business was on the wire! My intentions were NOT pure, but me being a ninja, I was able to slip all the traps and pitfalls laid before me which made "blondie" all the more irritated and uncomfortable. I digress.
Work relationships can work if you are not under your mate, all day. That's just too much time together. Personally, I wouldn't seek a relationship with a co-worker. I like my space and my own time. Especially if you get a girl who always wants to be up on you and when 5pm rolls around she's like "what are we doing?" I'm like, "I'm kickin it with the homies" and she's like, "so you got no time for me now?" (insert: attitude) Now, this doesn't apply to all women, and you have some #bitchassniggas who act like the female in the relationship and the shoe could quite easily be on the other foot. But, to avoid the headache, burnt bridges, name dragged through the office (because the guy is always the dog) and the plethora of other sh*t that can go wrong including an email from HR and 1pm appointment to discuss "office conduct", I say avoid it. POOF! (smoke cloud) and I'm gone
Ok, so on this one, I find myself how I sometimes like myself, by myself. Understood.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, welcome Shaniqua, dont think we've met. Thanks for reading. Now, I adjust my goggles and dive in!
I had a feeling that no one would agree, but I'm pretty sure ppl are still participating in whatever type of activities, whether they want to admit it or not. So, I ask myself "is the risk really that high if people are really doing it". I'm not calling any of the people who commented hypocrites, but I've heard ppl say they dont do the dating co-worker thing and next thing you know, stories are coming out.
I admit, there is a chance for disaster, but what relationship isn't. All stalkers are not co-workers. And I also stress that this is a SIDE of them, not all of them. But it does give you have somewhat a headstart on the dating process because there package that already has information in it. Also, if people are spending a respectable amount of time getting to know someone, it reduces the chance of disaster. Unless you want to live out your fantasy of getting it in at the workplace, hold out until you feel its safe. I just want to stress that dating at work shouldn't be taboo. Face it people, its happening. And since it is, lets increase the chances of success. Like booty calls, etiquette is necessary.
@Samantha, are your dreams that vivid that you know where you are going to meet the man thats in them? I'm getting ripped off then, my dreams are pretty foggy. I do see you point at when it ends, but if we see an ending, we shouldn't participate. I'm not promoting flings at the work place. I'm talking about real relationships that have a chance. Recreation banging is like recreation basketball, you're not insured so its risky wherever you play. Of course nothings guaranteed, but a lot of times if the relationship was real and both parties respect each other, it will remain that way. Chit, we have problems with ppl at work that we are not sexing.
So I agree that it is risky, but I dont believe that the idea should be totally dismissed. If you tried it and it didn't work, dust yourself off and try again. Ladies are your jobs hiring?? lol
Mighty D.R.: Missed you too. Thoroughly enjoyed your post, as always. Xo. Smh and smiling @ “ninja”.
ReplyDeletePabvon: I love how real you always keep it.
Es: All very valid points.
I’ve been told I’m on my high horse before when it comes to stating my opinions on right and wrong, which is why I shared my experience. I completely do understand the temptation to date someone you are attracted to at work.
My dreams are foggy too. So, perhaps I am wrong in assuming that I won’t find Mr. Rightforme at work. I’d prefer to find him at an art gallery, a bookstore, a professional sporting event, or a political function. However, I am not made of stone. If I am ever bewitched into believing I’ve found Mr.Rightforme, I’m sure I will compromise. That is IF he exists, is single, and I am right for him as well.
I completely agree that “if we see an ending, we shouldn’t participate.” You know my views already on the likelihood of endings. I’m a skeptic, but not totally blind i.e. “I keep my sneakers in my trunk just in case” :-) Also, you compared “real relationships” to “flings”. I understand your point here as well. I don’t think most women enter relationships anticipating that they’ll be “flings”. You think a relationship has a “chance”, until you realize that it doesn’t.
Some may consider the ability to empathize with why a person may put themselves in an undesirable position to be hypocritical, or special pleading. However, I make an earnest effort to account for the variables that influence each particular situation. I understand the impact of special circumstance. Please allow me to amend my stance on dating in the workplace:
Do not date anyone you work with unless he is so phenomenal that you simply cannot resist because you fear you will never find another like him in life.
And if anyone is curious...
ReplyDeleteNo, there were no consequences to the relationship with the manager. We both behaved professionally and no one ever found out. But thats only because we got lucky.
People will throw your name under the bus and be ALL in your business if you give them the chance. Especially (but not limited to) the female coworkers who hate on you anyway.
Two words: Potential. Disaster.
Having witnessed 4 office romances result in marriage, I have to say I understand ES' theory but even more so I agree with the way Pabvon broke it down. 2 of the couples kept their relationships a secret until engagement and the other two only kept it secret until they decided it was serious. However, none of the 4 couples were looking to "have fun dating" as Pabvon stated, there were all seeking longevity. I think that's the key to having it work out. They knew the risks and they proceed with caution because they knew it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to add that they were all married within 2 years or less. I guess working together forces you to make up your mind faster.
As for me, I've tried an office romance once before. It didn't last long but that wasn't our goal anyway. We fell into the "just having fun" category. The experience wasn't bad enough that I wouldn't try it again but this time I'd only do it if there's ring potential.
Not to sound arrogant or anything, but this is why I love this blog. Through the post, and comments from my world class readers, I think we've come to a non-hazardous safe zone. We agree that a work relationship is dangerous (yall made me remember some bad situations I've heard about), but for that reason, the smart thing to do is to only engage in such activities if theres a good chance something good can come out of it. A good chance meaning better than the bad decisions we've made in the past. Thanks Lady T, you provided the proof. For the sake of professionalism, and the safety of the two involved as well as co-workers, the "relationship" should be kept low until it materializes into something (sorry Pabvon, your love badge has to stay concealed for a little while). And Samantha, I have a funny feeling your heels double as sneakers. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with every relationship there are risk and it can end bad, just with a workplace relationship if not handled right it can be messy, embarrassing, even worse cost your your job. Workplace flirting also can get messy even if it doesn't lead to anything, somebody is always watching.
ReplyDeleteBut life is all about risk, if you don't take them you you never know the possibilities. Just keep it professional at all times. I also believe there has to be rules, some people need them.
Unfortunately the workplace romances that I have witnessed all ended bad, even now at my job im watching one unravel badly......
I LOVE your BLOG! Off subject but so what.
ReplyDelete